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How to live by Mind Map: How to live

1. The subtle art of not giving a fuck

1.1. Radical responsibility: you are always choosing.

1.2. Pain is unavoidable: find the problems you enjoy having!

1.2.1. Our solutions to today's problems will define our problems of tomorrow.

1.3. Uncertainty: acknowledge your own ignorance!

1.4. Rejection: be able to hear and say no!

1.4.1. Saying yes to everything is saying yes to nothing.

1.4.2. If nothing is better than anything else we're without values, without purpose.

1.5. Mortality: be aware that your life will end!

1.6. Failure: watch yourself making mistakes

2. Live Design

3. 12 Rules for live

3.1. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.

3.1.1. Often we're hard on ourselves and intolerant towards our weaknesses. Learning to accept ourselves is the first step to taking care of ourselves.

3.1.2. You are responsible to stand up for yourself, e.g. if bullied, like you would stand up for a bullied child.

3.1.3. It's often the physically or emotionally wounded who keep the machinery running, making an effort to hold their family and society together. This is miraculous and deserves gratitude.

3.1.4. You are morally obliged to make a child a strong, responsible and awake being, ready to take care of itself. Why should you are less responsible for yourself?

3.1.5. Consider what is truly good for you. This is not necessarily what you want or what makes you happy.

3.1.6. Ask yourself: what would my life look like if I take care of myself. You need to know where you are to start your course, you need to determine who you are, you need to articulate your own principles to defend them. He who's life has a why can almost bear any how.

3.2. Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

3.3. Make friends with people who want the best for you.

3.4. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who somebody else is today.

3.4.1. Your perception is limited by your focus. Physiological example: check this attention test video: selective attention test Most of us will only see what they focus on: a certain number of people playing the ball and miss out on what they don't set their focus on: the gorilla. Psychological impact / example with view on "success": if we are focused on a certain goal and don't manage to become successful in this respect, we get frustrated. This is because we fail to recognise what we actually have (achieved) if we'd look at other goals and aspects of success. Therefore it is helpful to regularly re-define success and re-check goals and upcoming opportunities.

3.4.2. Your focus (and your perception) is defined by your religion. "But I am an atheist." - "No, you are not."; all of us have beliefs. To uncover them, we should not think about what we believe but look at our actual behaviour.

4. Wim Hoff Method

4.1. Go deep

5. 48 Laws of Power (Artur)

5.1. Law 18: Do not build fortresses to protect yourself - isolation is dangerous.

5.1.1. This was a great reflection trigger for social work moments, like grabbing coffee with a group we don't know extensively, engaging in meaningless conversation, etc.

5.2. Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude.

5.2.1. I've been pondering this one since I'm getting ready to request a salary raise (Wednesday)

5.3. Rule 10: Infection - Avoid the unhappy and unlucky.

5.3.1. This one is similar to that concept of being the average of the people around you. Here he says to avoid people who attract misfortune (in other words, who have the wrong behaviours and attitudes) because you will inevitably pick up some of those traits. Even in the pursuit of helping people who do not want to be helped you will be ultimately punished.

5.3.2. "Recognise the fortunate so that you may choose their company, and the unfortunate so that you may avoid them. Misfortune is usually the crime of folly, and among those who suffer from it there is no malady more contagious. Never open the door to the least of misfortunes, for, if you do, many others will follow in its train" - Baltasan Gracián <- no clue who this guy is. It's just a quote in the book.

5.4. Law 28: Enter Actions with Boldness.

5.4.1. This law touches on that idea that it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission, or at least it reminded me of that. In general, boldness eliminates obstacles and I really enjoyed this sentence: "Understand: if boldness is not natural, neither is timidity. It is an acquired habit, picked up out of a desire to avoid conflict. If timidity has taken hold of you, then, root it out. Your fears of the consequences of a bold action are way out of proportion to reality, and in fact the consequences of timidity are worse. Your value is lowered and you create a self-fulfilling cycle of doubt and disaster." This to me, a highly timid guy, really struck a chord.

5.5. Law 25: Re-create yourself.

5.5.1. "Remake yourself into a character of power. Working on yourself like clay should be one of your greatest and most pleasurable life tasks. It makes you in essence an artist - an artist creating yourself" :)

6. ACT (made simple)

6.1. Psychological Flexibility

6.1.1. Defusion: Watch your thinking = Ability to detach from thoughts, images and memories in opposite to "fused", i.e. thoughts would be stuck, glued onto us in practice: recognising thoughts for what they are, i.e. no more or less than words and images

6.1.2. Self-as-context: Pure Awareness

6.1.3. Commited Action: Do what it takes

6.1.4. Values: know what matters

6.1.5. Contact with the present moment: Be here now

6.1.6. Acceptance: Open up

6.2. Cognitive Fusion

6.2.1. Clarifying language: Fused =welded, bonded, attached, stuck together -->defusion = separating, detaching, distancing

6.2.2. In a state of cognitive fusion thoughts dominate our behavior, we're "pushed around by our thoughts". thoughts seem like the absolute truth. thoughts seem like a thread you need to get rid of asap. thoughts seem like something that's happening right here and now even though it's about past/future. thoughts seem like something very important, requiring all attention.

6.2.3. In a state of cognitive defusion thoughts may or may not be true thoughts may or may not be important and we choose how much attention we pay them thoughts are definitively not a command we'd have to obey/follow thoughts are not a thread to us

6.2.4. Workability = Key concept of ACT asking: "is what you're doing working to make your life rich, full, meaningful? --> if no: "unworkable" --> alternatives to be considered. Within this concept, it's not necessary to ask if a behaviour is "good", "bad", "right", "wrong". No need to judge or debate if thoughts are "true" or "false" (s. example of "fat girl").

7. New Topic