1. Turbulence
1.1. Mood Swings
1.1.1. Sudden intense feelings of dread ( gut drop )
1.1.1.1. One may hear an event that makes them suddenly realize that they are guilty of something incredibly bad to them, ex: hurting a spouse, hearing someone close to them that they care about cry. That makes them almost suicidal. Because they mirror and feel others emotions at times, whatever terror they may be experiencing very much transfers to them, learning to let those moments pass is the only way to deal with them. Most of them would refer to themselves as empaths in situations like that, where that pain is suddenly so very present.
1.1.1.2. One may very quickly go from feeling very very positive about something, to suddenly just giving up all hope. As if on the flip of a switch. Not a gradient in which one becomes full of doubt, but more like something that slowly bends, until it shatters under the pressure. Like their interaction is an act they keep up exactly until they cannot handle it anymore. At which point. they go black. The black-and-white mentality in itself explains the mood swings. One cannot live on the gradient, only the extremes. Because everything is intense
1.2. Very quick and flighty, easily distracted
1.2.1. A small impulse that makes one laugh can distract from a negative mood swing. In extrema: Something mildly amusing can mitigate a suicidal mood swing into a positive one from a negative impulse of guilt or grief.
1.3. Tend to "overreact" or "underreact"
1.3.1. Due to consistent doubts in whether one's emotions are actually valid, and intense enough as to the situation, they either tend to be too immersed in a situation, or too little. Their coping mechanism of being dissociated and rather calm and cold may often be seen or confused with Sociopathy
2. Anxieties
2.1. Easily feeling misunderstood
2.1.1. Amid a conversation, a small misunderstanding can quickly cause anxieties to rise up and the whole conversation to grind to a standstill
2.2. Fear of abandonment
2.2.1. Someone abruptly leaving/Not responding can cause immense emotional grief to an extent that one dulls it down
2.3. Easily feeling unheard
2.3.1. When someone doesn't immediately touch on something one has said, or acted on, it's easy to feel devalued or discouraged
2.4. Negative Bias ( Hypervigilance )
2.4.1. A pwBPD is always on the lookout for cues, signs, or any other things they can interpret and analyze. Their minds are constantly scanning their surroundings and accounting for possibilities. Keyword: Survivalist due to stress Due to the self-esteem issues, and overall thinking space they exist in, that hypervigilance usually leads to them seeing the worst in things, and quickly building themselves up into a sheer existential panic attack of overthinking
3. Coping Mechanisms
3.1. Denial of concept of self
3.1.1. Borderlines may completely forget about themselves in a situation, the concept of self. Say, you are in an argument with one, and they will be upset with you over something that they are also guilty of. They will be incapable of even considering their effect on others.
3.2. Mirroring
3.2.1. A pwBPD quickly adapts their mannerisms speech, and accent sometimes even personality to the people they are surrounded with. They are fluid and pliant, as a natural survival mechanism. Due to a deep fear of being unlovable they adapt and compensate by being the most lovable they think they can be, avoiding conflict naturally when they can
3.3. Complete zeroed self-worth
3.3.1. Complete disregard for what happens to them in a lot of situations-- due to low self-esteem. "When you feel guilty for being alive, what do you really matter to yourself in the big picture?" When something bad happens, that is undeniable guilt that a pwBPD has to bear, after trying their best to help, they very quickly get sullen, torn down. They either get:
3.3.1.1. Despairing
3.3.1.2. Angry
3.3.1.2.1. They may seek conflict, to in some way, get a reaction, maybe even feel slighted by the situation.
3.3.1.3. Deflective
3.3.1.3.1. The problem may be avoided entirely, a new issue might be found, something else to focus and fixate one's attention on, to temporarily forget about unbearable dysregulated emotions
3.4. Avoidance
3.4.1. Simply avoiding the situation that causes them the stress or problem entirely, whether that be through inaction, lack of interaction or anything else.
3.5. Denial
3.5.1. Completely forgetting about problems, concepts, etc. Blurring out things like one's own responsibilities. Forgetting about the feelings of guilt, blame, etc. That one has for oneself. "When you feel guilty for being alive, how do you deal with any more guilt ontop of that?"
3.6. Pliance
3.6.1. Willingness to endure, change and adapt to make a certain situation bearable, or survivable at least. They bend and shape themselves in such a way to survive in the "War inside their heads"
3.7. Seduction
3.7.1. Attempting to gain validation through sexual advances, or perhaps just comments that are clearly meant to rouse something in someone. Overall their sexuality can often be a lot of hints as to their problems, and how they cope with them, but sometimes it's all in good fun. In the end, whatever does the trick works for them. They're not picky when the bottom line is in question.
3.8. Masking
3.8.1. Adapting personalities, mannerisms, etc, being very much a social chameleon. Sometimes inventing new personalities overall, generally just, very smooth talkers if they try to be. And are allowed to, as well. OFten times when interrupted, otherwise feeling slighted, or simply feeling misunderstood, they very quickly develop anxiety., they react negatively, which may compromise the mask.
3.9. Dissociation
3.9.1. Subconsciously locking away one's feelings in order to not to have to deal with them.
3.10. Escapism
3.10.1. May find some sort of media, video games, shows, etc. Something to binge and immerse themselves into. Something else to feel, other emotions to "feed on"
3.11. Manipulation
3.11.1. They may resort to simply lying in social situations, almost out of sheer panicked reflex. They may give false answers, when put on the spot, their anxiety often gets the best of them, so they are often painted as liars as well. May also simply lie to avoid unpleasant situations, spin grandiose delusions that they maintain and carefully craft to maintain the image that "I'm fine."
4. Traits
4.1. Childlike mentality
4.1.1. Black/White
4.1.1.1. Good-Bad
4.1.1.1.1. There's never two equally valuable methods in a discussion, or a solution to a problem. There is always better or worse.
4.1.1.2. You-Me
4.1.1.2.1. Usually conflict resolution is never in the middle for Borderlines, but always a solid 0 or 1, Victory or Defeat
4.1.1.3. Better-Worse
4.1.1.3.1. Idealizing someone, or devaluing them, they're either wonderful and you crave them or you would rather not be near them
4.1.1.4. Borderlines struggle to ever value things evenly, due to their own shattered sense of self, which makes it hard to deal with emotions and things like that, due to how intense, and all-or-nothing things can be. Due to being an identity-less seeker, at their core, there is always a good, or a bad one, in everything. They cannot deal with neutral because they mirror their surroundings
4.1.2. Easily frightened
4.1.2.1. Conflict
4.1.2.1.1. ->Fight/Flight
4.1.2.2. Perceived Misunderstandings
4.1.2.2.1. -> Retreat
4.1.2.3. Being unheard once can cause a meltdown
4.1.3. Logical/Analytical Thinkers
4.1.3.1. This plays into their logical thinking and constant hypervigilant analysis of their surroundings. Reading patterns and mirroring them back at
4.2. "Empty"
4.2.1. The complete absence of any feeling, something described as an empty void that is a recurring feeling in their lives. A chronic emptiness that eats away things, where they feel they should be.
5. Core Issues
5.1. Emotional Needs (for healing))
5.1.1. Acceptance
5.1.1.1. A pwBPD needs a supportive environment in which they are encouraged to voice their thoughts and accepted for who they are
5.1.2. Warmth/Closeness
5.1.2.1. May need constant validation through presence, or attention. But not too much, always according to the needs they voice. As they may easily feel smothered and frightened by "too much attention", as it may induce a negative thought loop entirely.
5.1.3. Validation
5.1.3.1. Their thoughts and ideas have to be accepted, thought about, and clearly considered. When they feel discarded, when they feel invalidated in any way or form, they very quickly lose their interest and mood, due to years and years of felt invalidation
5.1.4. Acknowledgement
5.1.4.1. Have to have their issues taken for full, and have their words shown belief. Even if it may be twisted, or intense, extreme, they have most certainly felt it. They must be made aware of that. Of the things they have succeeded in, as they often constantly feel like failures
5.2. Lack of Self-Identity
5.2.1. Refer to others for how/what to feel
5.2.1.1. They may often feel amused or prone to laughing when others begin laughing, subconsciously taking in the feelings of others
5.2.2. Take in the "mood of the room"
5.2.2.1. As the overall air in the room changes from hostility to comfort, etc. The pwBPD will be more or less anxious according to as well, they do not cope well with tension usually
5.2.3. Struggle to be alone due to intrusive thoughts
5.2.3.1. Their own mindscape is a very negatively biased one, they need constant outside positive reassurance to not fall back into that if not helped to deal with it
5.3. Social Turbulence
5.3.1. Oftentimes, due to insecurities and triggers, can easily struggle to interact socially
5.3.2. May become shut-in and withdrawn upon too much pressure being applied from the outside world, often even becoming very much cold to their own emotions and problems, denying them valiantly
5.3.3. Due to their adaptations, depending on social circle, or even person,
5.4. Downplaying
5.4.1. Their issues may be told to them, that others have it worse, etc. Oftentimes in their upbringing, they were slighted, neglected, or overall, told that their approach to things, was wrong.
6. Interpersonal Conflict
6.1. Due to constantly being on edge and anxious, through hypervigilance, a borderline constantly ends up scanning for certain patterns in social situations, cues, traumas, etc. They are diligent and wary, often even paranoid about being hurt and others' intentions. This leads to a lot of miscommunication, with them always having their own emotional survival in their best interest in the end.
6.1.1. Through a small misunderstanding, a pwBPD may become anxious, easily agitated and start seeking more cues. A self-perpuating panic attack in which more and more of their surroundings suddenly seem out to hurt them.
6.1.1.1. A pwBPD's anxiety can come rapidly and quickly. One cue may immediately change their mood, they very much are always on edge, relaxation to them, without validation and a sense of comfort is impossible. Some are at ease with stress more than calm due to how normalized it had become
6.1.2. Even a small issue between people may give a pwBPD serious feelings of guilt and anguish towards what they did, and have them profusely, and "dramatically apologize"
6.1.2.1. Their inner emotional self is intense and wild, they can do all or nothing, at their core, but they regulate outwardly and control with meticulous accuracy most times
6.1.3. Kindness may be interpreted as "too much" and even terrify them, because what if the kindness ends, and they're left alone and hurting again?
6.1.3.1. They forbid themselves happiness, to an extent even
6.1.4. They are highly rejection sensitive, so if they do feel rejected, they will quickly employ a coping mechanism. Whether that be guilt, shaming, distancing themselves, aggressing on the source of rejection, they find some way to deal with the emotion in a maladaptive way and bottle it up because they with time "learn" it is "wrong" to show emotions and may often lock them in a cage
6.1.5. If they feel invalidated in other ways, they may very quickly become cold, hostile, or simply distant from the source of invalidation, learning to avoid it naturally with time even.
6.1.5.1. May act like nothing is really wrong when approached, but is simply afraid to speak up about problems in fear of being left for having "overdramatic feelings"
6.2. "Overreactions"
6.2.1. May quickly sound "snappy" or "upset" with someone over a small or disagreement, averse to conflict and thus quick to resolve it, doesn't know the proper amount to react due to how intensely they feel and how much is always going on inside them already, self blame amplified with outside blame quickly becomes toxic to their mental state and causes intense anguish
7. Traumas
7.1. Neglect
7.1.1. Through their kindness and empathy, when they have trusted in the past, they may have had their trust abused. It may have even driven them to use those same methods, to revel in the chaos.
7.1.2. Through working hard, or perhaps just not being astute of the needs of their child, or simply other issues, parents may sometimes leave a child with a feeling of neglect that it has permanently learned to cope with due to having grown with it.
7.2. Abuse
7.2.1. May have endured physical, verbal, or emotional abuse in their childhood or teenage time, conscious or not.
7.3. Abandonment
7.3.1. May have over time in friendships, learned that when they cling too hard to someone they feel good around, that person may eventually leave them, leading to self-restraint and constant overthinking on "What's okay to say, and what is too much"
7.4. Betrayal
7.5. Loneliness
7.5.1. They fear being alone with their thoughts due to how destructive and loathing they are most of the time. They cannot value themselves without the need for validation and relief of guilt from their traumas.
7.6. Lack of being understood
7.6.1. Oftentimes, whenever someone doesn't understand them, all the other times they were misunderstood, slighted, maybe even laughed at roil up within them and leave them feeling way more intensely than the moment deserves.
7.7. Trust
7.7.1. They may have issues trusting others, or even themselves, on their intentions. They may struggle to truly open up, always keeping a dissociating mask between themselves and people, so instead of getting hurt, the mask gets hurt instead. They cannot trust themselves and their feelings either, as they feel they have misled them, and when they let their feelings show freely, they have often caused them harm, grief or guilt.
7.8. Shattered self-esteem
7.8.1. Through constant social issues, intense, sometimes destructive relationships and even self-sabotage in the worst cases, a pwBPD lives in their own nightmare of self-fulfilling prophecies of the failure, that they believe they are, without validation.
7.9. Constant, ever-present self-doubt
7.9.1. No matter what a pwBPD does, they will be thinking whether they are incorrect. Having potentially lived all their lives being told how they were wrong, how their needs were wrong, how when they opened up, they were often bit for it, they have become incredibly hesitant to truly believe in their own needs and desires.
7.10. A deep, inherent sense of shame and guilt for existing
7.10.1. A feeling that any help one may get, is better suited to others
7.10.2. Always wondering if one is a bother to others
7.10.3. Overthinking whether something one said was too much
7.10.4. Reacting quickly when people that one's self-esteem is based on are attacked, maybe even overly so
7.10.5. Hiding and normalizing abuse that they may have experienced and playing it off as commonplace
7.10.6. Seeing others with similar issues may provoke a state of denial, or even downplaying their issues, as if to run away from one's own without having an intense reaction towards them, cognitive dissonance towards facing one's problems
7.10.7. Oftentimes suffering in others' place where they have no reason to, just because they feel a sense of shame for existing
7.10.8. Wearing masks and not opening up to parties that could help, thinking no one would even understand, not being able to trust anyone, or simply feeling inherently undeserving of help
8. Unique Concepts
8.1. Empathy
8.1.1. When interacting with others, Borderlines feel the emotions of them very much intensely, just as much as them. Almost as if there was some strange connection, but in the end, it is just the deep empathy and understanding of a very sensitive mind that has spent all their life getting hurt, and is thus very sharp to others being hurt. When they're working well, they can be the kindest and most attending healers who see others' needs, due to having their own felt rejected for the longest times in their lives. Oftentimes, the fact that they understand very well, when the other seems to think they don't, just because their constantly active mind may not be answering exactly what the other person wants, has them doubting their own feelings a lot, and what they feel, but in the end, they are very much creatures that subconsciously mirror and take into them what is around them easily, perhaps a good description would be malleable
8.2. Emotional Agony
8.2.1. The emotional pain a pwBPD can experience is some of the most intense there is out there. And due to how intense it can get, how fast the cycle can self-perpetuate from a small little issue into an emotional meltdown due to guilt, shame, etc, or whatever other influences that a pwBPD carries on their heart every day of their life, they may quickly even end in some severe emotional pain simply from someone leaving at a bad time, even if that person is completely justified, in that moment, they are experiencing hell in itself, feelings of terrible self-loathing and pain, the worst realities, and everything simply painted and split in the most terrible way possible. When these needs aren't tended to, the pwBPD only ends up racking up more abandonment traumas due to never being able to be understood in how deep their pain is, and how they really need what they are begging for.