1. "unsolvable" problems in relationships
1.1. [[[ When we talk about "stories" we mean "life-stories that lead to the creation of Core Values" ]]]
1.2. opportunity to support each other
1.3. go around it, but support each other
1.4. unchangable
1.5. resolution is to accept each others story
1.6. compromise
1.6.1. I accept her story
1.6.2. she accepts my story
1.7. important - but not compelling to me, but still important to me because important to her
1.8. tell her how i empathize with her story, and leave it at that
1.8.1. then her story is heard
1.8.2. then i can share my story when she is ready
1.8.3. these 3:
1.8.3.1. tell her story in my words
1.8.3.2. heard
1.8.3.3. feel depth of pain, as much as possible
1.8.3.4. [[[ there is no time for the "but" ]]]
1.8.3.4.1. my story comes later
2. programming to do this week
2.1. physical affect
2.1.1. shoulders feel small
2.1.2. tightness in the jaw
2.2. when recognized was inside the gap between stimulus and response, noticed i was unsustainably managing my mood with playing with my smartphone, put smartphone away
2.3. R-A-I-N + "Thank Yourself"
2.3.1. "I"
2.3.1.1. compassionate, non-judgemental investigator
2.3.2. "N"
2.3.2.1. "what nurturing does my body need to start?"
2.3.2.2. visualize talking calmly about software engineering with my old programming boss "Y", that would go a long way to what my body needs
2.3.2.2.1. "the feeling of a big older brother"
2.3.2.2.2. saying to me "you got this"
2.3.2.2.3. saying to me "i believe in you"
2.3.2.2.4. 4 statements:
2.3.3. "Thank Yourself"
2.3.3.1. [[[ Gratitude toward the self, for remembering to Nurture myself ]]]
2.3.3.2. "I thank myself for helping myself, and for seeing something that wasn't obvious from the start"
2.4. failure
2.4.1. make a goal
2.4.2. failing at that goal
2.4.3. recovering from that failure
2.4.3.1. get up each time i fall
2.5. what is different
2.5.1. kindness
2.5.2. realistic goal
2.6. making a realistic goal
2.6.1. i feel a block in my body
2.6.2. positive realistic incentives give us energy
2.6.2.1. gives me energy
2.7. this whole project could take months, people expect to have it done in days
2.8. how would my old programming boss "Y" engineer this code?
2.8.1. "wear my <Y> hat"