Not Enough Sheep in Yer Barn
by Suvrat Bafna
1. Live in a Box in the City
1.1. Get a job in the village
1.2. Invent tiny sheep
1.3. Fill apartment with piles of sheep
1.4. Sleep in woolen sheets
1.5. Don't watch Silence of the Lambs
1.6. Thank God it is not a Basement
1.7. Play Home Alone and invite your neighbors
1.8. Draw a Box with Sheep
1.9. Create a sacred sleeping space painted blue with sheep
1.10. Take LSD for muticolor sheep flying in the air
1.11. Buy some Kadishman sheep paintings
2. Not Enough Sex
2.1. Put a sock in it
2.2. Join Chipen Dales
2.3. Start praying to Paris Hilton's blow up doll every night
2.4. Surprise butsecks
2.5. Tell a person in a club you're going to die soon
2.6. Look yourself in the mirror and seriously, lower your standards
2.7. Get drunk in a singles bar
2.8. Take a Dale Carnegie 'How to Pick up Women and Influence Sleep' course
2.9. Consider a visit to the Red light district
2.10. Consider moving to the Red light district
2.11. Consider buying a lamp and starting a Red light district
2.12. Watch 9 1/2 weeks
2.13. Reenact 9 1/2 weeks
2.14. Hulk smash
2.15. Become an adult movie producer
2.16. Become a pornstar
2.17. Become a bartender
3. Drought
3.1. Get St. Exupery to draw you a sheep
3.2. Draw yourself some fresco sheep
3.3. Move to New Zealand
3.4. Start digging...
3.5. Fill the dug holes with the dead sheep... catharasis to sleep
3.6. Move to city but escape the 'box' trap
3.7. Replace water with juice or better, wine
4. Not Enough Money
4.1. Get a job
4.2. Rob a Bank
4.3. Get your sheep to procreate
4.4. Invent a new species - The Sheegoats
4.5. Write a song to commemorate - There Shee Goats
4.6. Become Vegetarian
4.7. Kill Unicorns and become famous
4.8. Create a Viral Vid - Sheep, Call me Maybe
4.9. Break into a sheep farm. Steal as many as you can
5. Don't Know How to Count
5.1. Attend primary school with little bully boys
5.2. Buy an Abacus
5.3. Don't Count, observe
5.4. Counting is over rated, count to One over and over again
5.5. Count on someone else counting for you
6. If all else fails...
6.1. Take a course on creativity and listen to the video lectures
7. Very Small Barn
7.1. Agressive expansion of your neighbor's barn
7.2. Clone small "Dolly" Sheep
7.3. Move to Lilliput
7.4. Build outside caging area
7.5. Rent neighboring space
7.6. Learn expansion of Barns on Age of Empires
7.7. Build a pre-fab barn
7.8. Move sheep into your house
7.9. Send friend requests on farmville
8. Euphimism
8.1. Read Kama Sutra
8.2. Stop you Perv!
8.3. Viagra is available Over the Counter
8.4. Think of Megan Fox / Johnny Depp
8.5. Don't depend on your mood, create it
8.6. Start kissing camels
8.7. Look for 'sheep' in you partners 'bush'
8.8. Hold the staff and act like a guiding shepherd
8.9. Blow your own trumpet before you sleep
9. Not Religious Enough
9.1. Join a monestary
9.2. Start a new religion 'Sheeptafarianism'
9.3. Grow some Rasta, emulate some sheep
9.4. Read the bible every night in bed and cry yourself to sleep
9.5. Become a shepherd in the desert
9.6. Do the voodoo jiggy with it... nanaa naa naa nanaa na
9.7. Move to India.... 33 million gods, you'll find the right one for you
9.8. Don't be the black sheep of the family. go to temple
10. Bored of Counting Sheep
10.1. Get a hobby
10.2. Count the hair on the sheep
10.3. Count of Boring Sheep
10.4. Count of Sheeping Bore
10.5. Sheep of Counting Bore
10.6. Sheep of Count Boring
10.7. Move to Goats, Camels or Unicorns
10.8. Count the times you counted sheep
10.9. Count in as many languages as you can
10.10. See in how many languages you can say the word "sheep"
10.11. Invent a story about all the sheep you counted
10.12. Chant or sing instead of counting
10.13. Sing "Final Countdown"
10.14. Watch reruns of "Sheep in the City"
10.15. Name the different sheep
11. Beastility
11.1. See a psychiatrist
11.2. See a sheep, this time make it work - it is not always about sex
11.3. Write a sheep-a-sutra, get the best out of your sheep
11.4. Cure yourself by thinking of your mutilated children keeping you awake by crying all night
11.5. Maa...stur***e
11.6. Don't join a catholic religious order
11.7. Don't join the army
11.8. Channel this to great art
