Negotiation & Influence

1. Key Takeaways

1.1. **Believe in Yourself**: Know your self, change your perspective, create healthy routines, feed your mind,

1.2. Have your objectives clear before every interaction

1.3. Have a **Positive mindset** : Do Not judge or assume, be curious,

1.3.1. “treating someone with deception, judgement, coercion and dismissiveness reduces us, not them.”

1.4. **Stay on the other side world as much as possible** It’s about them; not about you

1.4.1. Navigate in their mind, their problems, their interests

1.4.1.1. What they think: perspective, values…(cognitive empathy)

1.4.1.2. What They feel (emotional empathy)

1.4.1.3. The challenge they face (compassionate empathy)

1.4.2. listen actively

1.4.2.1. Use active listening tools

1.4.2.1.1. Labels, mirrors, calibrated questions, non accusatory interaction, encouragers, summary , paraphrasing

1.5. 4 Deliver effectively (talk, write)

1.5.1. Have a clear goal

1.5.2. Use structure when you speak

1.5.2.1. 1 One main idea

1.5.2.2. 2 Problem ( or why it is important)

1.5.2.3. 3 Solution/ (or conclusion. next step)

1.5.3. Tell stories

1.5.3.1. You can first use the structure and then tell a story

1.5.3.1.1. Ex . (main idea) If you improve the terms of payment your sales will increase .... (problem... solution ) ---- (main idea) We had a supplier they were asking first quantity increase to improve the terms ... (problem... solution)

1.5.4. Frame it well

1.5.4.1. "Reduce me the price, it is so expensive" vs. "A price reduction will increase your sales "

1.5.4.2. "Lose weight vs Gain Muscle Mass"

1.5.4.3. "We are here to talk about how to increase the cooperation through the increase of payment days"

1.5.5. Speak short and clear, one idea at a time

1.5.6. Talk To the Emotion (Pathos)

1.5.6.1. Decision is emotional, not rational: speak and touch their emotions (their pain, their dreams, desires, pride)

1.5.7. Good tone of voice: Playful 80% of the time

1.5.7.1. How you say is more important that what you say

1.6. 5 Control the framework

1.6.1. You shall OWN the ATTENTION of the interaction on the point you need; do not let the other own the attention point

1.6.1.1. Only one attention point prevails

1.7. 6 Keep high status

1.7.1. People like to deal with professionals that know what they are doing and in control: YOU NEED TO SHOW IT

1.7.2. Ethos (credibility)

1.7.3. **It is difficult to get a deal if the other side does not perceive you as same or higher status**

1.7.3.1. Status alignment: 1 Use same industry language 2 Talk about a previous experience you made that was difficult 3 mention something about the indutry everyone talks

1.8. 7 Laws of Negotiation Gravity

1.8.1. Fear of Loss is the single biggest driver decision of human decision making

1.8.2. The most dangerous negotiation is the one you dont know you re in

1.8.3. Your voice will induce emotional reactions in your counterpart

1.8.4. The urge to correct is irresistible

1.8.5. Mention the negatives defuses them

1.8.6. People are six times more likely to make a deal with someone they like

2. Fundamentals

2.1. Behavioral Change Stairway (FBI Gary Nesner)

2.1.1. 1 Active Listening

2.1.1.1. Keep listening throughout the dialogue , they talk more than you

2.1.2. 2 Empathy

2.1.2.1. Understand the situation from their perspective, understand needs, emotions, desires , do not judge, do not qualify, just understand after understanding verbalize them ,mention them.

2.1.3. 3 Rapport

2.1.3.1. Getting to know them , letting them to engage with you , let them feel understood make a relation

2.1.3.1.1. Rapport is when other side feel back empathy to you

2.1.4. 4 Influence

2.1.4.1. Most dangerous time before behavior change, do not relax, your counterpart can doubt at any time

2.1.4.2. Remember : Ethos , Pathos, Logos from Aristotle

2.1.5. Picture

2.2. Persuasion elements (Aristotle's Rethoric)

2.2.1. Ethos (Credibility/ Authority)

2.2.1.1. **Our Institution** Employees, Millions $, Suppliers, Customers, Countries we operate , Elevate status (choosy)

2.2.1.2. **Our Self** Show **competence cues** : Good Posture, competent Words (effective, productive, objective), Slow Cadence, Verbal Pause, Downward inflection, No fillers, No hesitation

2.2.1.2.1. Showing ONLY competence cues are counterproductive and needs to be balanced with **Warmth Cues**

2.2.2. Pathos (Emotion / Feelings)

2.2.2.1. **Create Emotion** Hope, Happiness, Pride, Exitement, Confidence

2.2.2.2. **Solve Pain (most important)** Worry, Anger, Fear, Indignation

2.2.3. Logos (logic)

2.2.4. Kairos (Time)

2.2.4.1. Correct time

2.3. Emotion Concerns in Human Being (Beyond Reason )

2.3.1. Most times negotiation depend on the emotions and not the logic

2.3.1.1. 5 core concerns that drive emotions

2.3.1.1.1. Address the concern not the emotion

2.4. Create Rapport (6 Levels of nurturing)

2.4.1. 6 levels of nurturing

2.4.1.1. What they care

2.4.1.2. What he hopes

2.4.1.3. What they are proud of

2.4.2. 1.Context, facts, circumstances, situation, events 2.Impacts, change, perspective, opinions, stories 3.Their emotions, judgements, meaning, impression 4.Needs, desires, dreams and hopes 5.Values, philosophies, standards, principles 6.Their word, self-evaluation, identity

2.5. Decision making (Thinking fast and slow )

2.5.1. We decide using 2 systems ; one is intuitive-fast and the other is rational-deliberate-systematic

2.5.1.1. System 2- Rational decision (slow, data, aware, conscious, reliable)

2.5.1.1.1. Slow, requires effort

2.5.1.1.2. Monitors system 1

2.5.1.1.3. Statistics, probability , mathematics

2.5.1.1.4. Need to be aware when to use it and not rely on system 1 for decisions

2.5.1.2. System 1- Automatic Intuitive decision (fast, desire, emotions, biases, habits, error prone)

2.5.1.2.1. It is often overused, we need to be aware when to use this system

2.5.1.2.2. Biases and heuristics are shortcuts to simplify decisions (can lead to errors, will incluence our emotions and thinking)

2.6. Others

2.6.1. B.A.N.K Cores Values

2.6.1.1. How does this work:

2.6.1.1.1. 1. Put in order of values according to your importance perspective

2.6.1.1.2. 2. Understanding it:

2.6.1.1.3. Example

2.6.1.2. Blueprint

2.6.1.2.1. Values

2.6.1.3. Action

2.6.1.3.1. Values

2.6.1.4. Nurture

2.6.1.4.1. Values

2.6.1.5. Knowledge

2.6.1.5.1. Values

2.6.2. Influence: Cialdini

2.6.2.1. 1 Reciprocity

2.6.2.1.1. Sense of obligation to give when you receive

2.6.2.2. 2 Scarcity

2.6.2.2.1. People want more of things they can have less of

2.6.2.3. 3 Authority

2.6.2.3.1. People will follow credible Knowledge experts

2.6.2.4. 4 Consistency

2.6.2.4.1. Once done, twice done, all the time try to be consistent

2.6.2.5. 6 Liking

2.6.2.5.1. People are more likely to say yes to someone they like

2.6.2.6. 7 Consensus

2.6.2.6.1. People will look the actions of other to determine their own

2.6.3. Core Human drivers

2.6.3.1. Safe and secure (certainty)

2.6.3.1.1. Fears drive us

2.6.3.1.2. Certainty

2.6.3.2. Control

2.6.3.3. Significance

3. Guido Zambrano

4. Tools and Techniques

4.1. **The Black Swan Method Chris Voss - Never Split the Difference**

4.1.1. ** Laws of Negotiation Gravity** The Black Swan Group’s Laws of Negotiation Gravity™ are negotiation laws we’ve proven true through trial and error and neuroscience.

4.1.1.1. 1- Fear of Loss is the single biggest driver decision of human decision making

4.1.1.2. 2- The most dangerous negotiation is the one you dont know you re in

4.1.1.3. 3- Your communication will induce emotional reactions in your counterpart

4.1.1.4. 4- The urge to correct is irresistible

4.1.1.5. 5- Labeling the negatives defuses them (Negative emotions impede cognitive abilities)

4.1.1.6. 6- People are six times more likely to make a deal with someone they like

4.1.1.7. 7- There is always a group of deal killers on the other side

4.1.2. **What?** Fundamentals (The base of the method)

4.1.2.1. **Navigate in their world**

4.1.2.1.1. Make them see their problems

4.1.2.1.2. You dont persuade with logic

4.1.2.1.3. Build rapport first

4.1.2.2. **3 types of negotiators**

4.1.2.2.1. Analyst likes data

4.1.2.2.2. Assertive - Direct and honest likes to be heard

4.1.2.2.3. Accomodator likes relation in the moment (commonly has fear of judgment difficult say no )

4.1.2.3. **Talk less, listen more** First understand , then be understood

4.1.2.4. **Non Violent Communication**: Honesty, No yelling, not judgemental, not demanding (yes request) , avoid negative words (impossible, never, no)

4.1.2.4.1. Be careful asking with the word"why"

4.1.2.4.2. The Kitchen is messy vs There are dishes on the kitchen

4.1.2.4.3. Kids crave autonomy (constant demands remove autonomy )

4.1.2.5. **Tone of voice is important** 80% of the time playful 20% time FM Night DJ voice Always nurture

4.1.2.5.1. **Te reduce anger** use calm voice to cool down and show empathy (label what they feel, the trigger)

4.1.2.5.2. **Speaking in slow cadence** Increase competence sense Shows confidence To say something very important

4.1.2.5.3. Tone of voice class

4.1.2.6. **SHOW/EXPRESS the Empathy** Inform your understanding through summary or paraphrasing (Do not need to agree)

4.1.2.6.1. **To gain trust** Make them feel listened Be fearless and deferent

4.1.2.7. ** Listen at a higher level** questions deveals doubts, microexpressions, meanings behind words

4.1.2.7.1. **What makes you ask that ?** The reason of the question is more important

4.1.2.8. **It is better to trigger information than asking information**

4.1.2.9. **You can be bold and deferent at the same time** You can be angry only on purpose to make a reaction

4.1.2.10. Positive mindset: **Genuine curiosity** helps you control emotions

4.1.2.11. **One main idea or questions per interaction (one by one)**

4.1.2.12. **If you are explaining you are losing**

4.1.2.12.1. If you explain the problem

4.1.2.12.2. If you explain a mistake

4.1.2.12.3. If you explain a solution

4.1.2.12.4. When they ask why

4.1.2.13. **Common mistakes in negotiation**

4.1.2.13.1. **Preparing the wrong way or not preparing** -Seek Information about the counterpart -Learn to communicate effectively -Determine your Goal (Prepare calibrated questions to align) -Make a list of Accusations Audit

4.1.2.13.2. **Relying in common ground** Trust and rapport are stronger

4.1.2.13.3. **Closing too quickly**

4.1.2.14. **The best way to persuade is to let the other part think** and let them arrive to our required result (We guide their thinking through statements and questions)

4.1.3. **How?** Tools, Techniques (How to navigate on difficult conversations and negotiations)

4.1.3.1. **Mirrors** Repeat 2, 3 words Expand information (instead of tell me more ) Upward inflection

4.1.3.1.1. **When to use?** When you need more information, dont know what to respond, hear something surprising, gain time

4.1.3.1.2. What part you mirror have different implications

4.1.3.2. **Labels** -Create a thought pattern behavior -Redirects conversation towards your needs -Get information without feeling intrusive

4.1.3.2.1. What can be labeled?

4.1.3.2.2. **Mislabel (uncover confidential information)** It seems your main competitor is ABC Company

4.1.3.2.3. **Labels are short** One single idea per label

4.1.3.2.4. **Bad Label** : I dont want you to be afraid

4.1.3.2.5. Video: Labels, Mirrors, Silence

4.1.3.3. **Dynamic Silence** Used after a mirror or label to gather information

4.1.3.3.1. After a label or mirror

4.1.3.4. **Calibrated Questions** Open ended to shape their thought To put them in problem solving mode

4.1.3.4.1. **Examples** -How do you think I can convince my boss to pay this higher price? -What is your main challenge? -How do you think we can move forward?

4.1.3.5. **Accusations audit** Demonstrates self awareness to the other side Subvert preconceived notions Gives you freedom to say anything without fear of a negative reaction Softens the conversation

4.1.3.5.1. AA are the negatives counterpart **may** think (need to be mentioned to difuse)

4.1.3.5.2. **When?** At the beginning of negotiation Before asking a difficult question Before giving bad news When you feel bad emotions

4.1.3.5.3. **Examples** This is going to sound hard You are going to think our target is too low You probably think this contract is too extreme

4.1.3.6. No Oriented Questions

4.1.3.6.1. **Examples** Are you against ? Is it a bad time ?

4.1.3.7. **Summary** Make summary to show understanding

4.1.3.8. **Paraphrasing** What the counterpart said in your own words

4.1.3.9. **Encouragers** mm, a ha .... To avoid: are you there?

4.1.4. The negotiation Practice Community

4.1.4.1. Announcement

4.1.4.1.1. Dear members of the Negotiation Practice Community, You're the best people I know, and I appreciate all of you. **Bad news, I'm going to upset you. It will be hard to read** I can't sustain the community and grow it. I have failed to do it as my hobby. The generous contributions that some of the members made do not cover the expenses. I can't hire help. Also, I can't make the Community attractive enough for many people to practice, collaborate and share. And I can't continue investing my money. Therefore the Community is going to convert from free to fee-based. It will be $29.95 per month or $299 per year for each member. But!

4.1.5. Chapters Summary , Videos, Resources

4.1.5.1. Link

4.1.6. Masterclass

4.1.6.1. The art of Negotiation

4.1.6.2. Sessions

4.2. Start with No , Jim Camp

4.2.1. Key cues

4.2.1.1. Colombo effect

4.2.1.1.1. we need to make counterpart feel good

4.2.1.2. Never be needy

4.2.1.2.1. Neediness show weakness and your status lowers, trigger danger to the other side, it is unconfortable for the other side

4.2.1.3. Never assume anything

4.2.1.4. No expectations

4.2.1.4.1. You only control your behavior and actions

4.2.1.5. Paint the pain

4.2.1.5.1. Having a clear vision of your opponent’s pain will help you navigate negotiations as smoothly as possible. Furthermore, combining a mission and purpose with a vision of your adversary’s pain can help guide your negotiations in the right direction.

4.2.1.5.2. “The clearer your adversary’s vision of his pain, the easier the decision-making process.” – Jim Camp

4.2.1.5.3. “The vision has to be clear, but so does the solution you offer. You must not frighten or anger the adversary, you can’t appear to be lauding it over your adversary, you must nurture at all times. Painting the pain is one of the real arts of negotiation. You must wield the brush with the touch of an Old Master.” – Jim Camp

4.2.1.5.4. “Pain is whatever the negotiator sees as the current or future problem. People make decisions in order to alleviate and take away this current or future problem – the pain. Put in these terms, what else would any negotiation concern?” – Jim Camp

4.2.1.6. Always have a mission and purpose to guide your decisions and stay bold

4.2.1.6.1. This will make you to be clear on your decisions

4.2.1.6.2. "My mission and purpose is to help suppliers understand the better terms they provide to us, the more their sales will increase; the better the cooperation the better the mutual results"

4.2.1.7. How to ask questions?

4.2.1.7.1. The best way to negotiate is not give the answer, is to let them give you your answer by asking the right questions

4.2.1.7.2. Is this the biggest issue? vs what is your biggest issue?

4.2.1.7.3. Do you like what you see? vs What are your thoughts?

4.2.1.7.4. Is there anything else you need? vs what else do you need?

4.2.1.7.5. Is this proposal good enough? vs how can I improve this proposal?

4.2.1.7.6. Always try to make an open ended question

4.2.1.7.7. Never help answer the other party

4.2.1.7.8. The questions need to be empathetic

4.2.1.7.9. Short questions

4.2.1.7.10. One at time

4.2.1.8. Always nurture

4.2.1.8.1. Always positive

4.2.1.8.2. playful tone of voice

4.2.1.8.3. slow cadence

4.2.1.8.4. positive body language

4.2.1.9. Reverse when one topic is not finished

4.2.1.9.1. That is a good question. but before we go there .....

4.2.1.10. Confirm importants 3 or more times in different ways

4.2.1.11. You dont show them things, you guide them see by themselves through questions

4.2.1.11.1. If you tell them they will ask questions

4.2.1.11.2. Create a vision

4.2.1.12. **Strip Line** (Emotional states), keep yourself and adversary in neutral state

4.2.1.12.1. If your adversary takes a decision in a too positive emotional state he will later return to mid point and may change of decision

4.2.1.12.2. If your adversary is in negative state

4.2.1.13. Self Steem

4.2.1.13.1. It gives you the strength to face crippling neediness, swallow false pride, and make difficult choices

4.2.1.13.2. When you face overwhelming odds, your self-esteem is what keeps you going. If you have it, nothing can stop you from seeing yourself as a strong, capable, deserving, and successful person.

4.2.2. 5 Steps

4.2.2.1. 1 Have a mission and purpose on your adversary's world

4.2.2.1.1. Only what you control

4.2.2.1.2. Will help you guide your decisions

4.2.2.1.3. You can have a mission for every interaction for every call every email

4.2.2.1.4. For example, consider a company which has entered into a unsatisfactory supply contract which requires them to deliver products priced at below-cost levels. Their mission and purpose in renegotiating that contract will not be: “To return to profitability”. Instead, their mission and purpose will be: “To help our customer’s management see us as a new and revitalized organization which is a strategic asset to them”.

4.2.2.2. 2 Make sure you know your adversary's real pain

4.2.2.3. 3 Assess all the budgets involved: Time 1x energy, 2x ,money 3x, emotional 4x investment , try to understand how they influence decisions

4.2.2.3.1. Your budget for a specific negotiation is determined by your mission and purpose, as well as your negotiation vision. Be wary of becoming overly invested in a negotiation, as this can have a negative impact on your decision-making. When you’re overinvested, you start thinking in terms like, “Well, I’ve already invested so much in this deal, I’ve got to get something out of it.” This is the typical reasoning that leads to bad deals.

4.2.2.3.2. Emotions have the highest value of all in any negotiation. When emotional pain is involved, the value of the negotiation increases by many multiples. For most people, any decisions about money are highly emotions driven. Quite simply, it comes down to the “thrill of victory” vs. the “pain of defeat”.

4.2.2.4. 4 Deal with the real decision makers

4.2.2.4.1. Ensure that you understand who the final decision makers are during a negotiation. Knowing who the real decision makers are can often help you negotiate more effectively, increasing your chances of success. Ask interrogative questions like, “Of course, you make the decisions.” But who else do you want to talk to?” and “Who can help you make this decision?”

4.2.2.5. 5 Do not make a call, send email or meet without an agenda

4.2.2.5.1. You must have a clear agenda in five categories before engaging in any negotiations: problems, your baggage, their baggage, what you want, and what happens next.

4.2.3. 33 Rules of the book

4.2.3.1. All parties have the right to say no

4.2.3.2. Your job is not to be liked but to be respected and effective

4.2.3.3. Results are not valid goals

4.2.3.4. Money and power are not valid mission and purpose

4.2.3.5. Never spill your beans in the lobby

4.2.3.6. Never enter a negotiation , phone call without a valid agenda

4.2.3.7. The only valid Goals You can control are behavior and activity

4.2.3.8. Mission and Purpose must be set in adversary's world, our world is secondary

4.2.3.9. spend maximum time in payside activity

4.2.3.10. You do not need it you only want it

4.2.3.11. You cannot save the adversary

4.2.3.12. Only one person can feel okay, that is the adversary: Use colombo effect

4.2.3.13. All actions and decisions begin with vision, if there is no vision there is no action

4.2.3.14. Always show respect to the blocker

4.2.3.15. All agreements shall be clarified point by point and sealed 3 times using 3+

4.2.3.16. The clearer the picture of pain , the easier the decision process

4.2.3.17. The value of the negotiation increases by multiples as time, energy, money and emotion are spent

4.2.3.18. No talking

4.2.3.19. Let the adversary save face at all times

4.2.3.20. The greatest presentation is the one your adversary will never see, if you show things we are in question mode, they need to see by themselves

4.2.3.21. A negotiation is only over when we want it to be over

4.2.3.22. No is good, yes is bad, maybe is worse

4.2.3.23. Absolutely no closing

4.2.3.24. Dance with the tiger

4.2.3.25. Our greatest strength is our greatest weakness

4.2.3.26. Paint the pain

4.2.3.27. Mission and purpose drive everything and help us keep bold and guide decisions

4.2.3.28. Decisions are 100 percent emotional

4.2.3.29. Interrogative led questions drive vision

4.2.3.30. Nurture

4.2.3.31. No assumptions, no expectations , only blank state

4.2.3.32. Who are the decision makers? Do you know all of them?

4.2.3.33. Pay forward

4.2.4. 1.Pausing, no talking 2.Cold calling 3.Encouraging NO 4.Big ask 5.3+ 6.Nurturing 7.Reversing 8.Connectors 9.Needs assessments (labeling the needs) 10.Interrogative questions (empathetic and calibrated, powerful words in the beginning) 11.Positive/Negative strip 12.Blank Slating 13.Planting assumptions 14.Painting a vision of their pain 15.The Colombo effect

4.2.4.1. Nurturing

4.2.4.1.1. Put your counterpart at ease

4.2.4.2. Reversing

4.2.4.2.1. Reversing is answering a question with another, before reversing we need to reply a question with another

4.2.4.3. Connectors

4.2.4.3.1. Go from the same line

4.2.4.4. Blank slating

4.2.4.4.1. Clear assumptions or expectations

4.3. Pitch Anything

4.3.1. English

4.3.1.1. 1 Foundation

4.3.1.1.1. Our brain has 3 parts

4.3.1.2. 2 To deliver information

4.3.1.2.1. use a Structure to present your information

4.3.1.3. 3 Presentation Method

4.3.1.3.1. S>T>R>O>N>G

4.3.1.4. Important to consider

4.3.1.4.1. How to tell a story

4.3.1.4.2. What does buyer want?

4.4. Crucial Conversations

4.4.1. 1 Choose the topic , the root, the main thing

4.4.1.1. Topic is wrong when

4.4.1.1.1. Lead to negative emotions

4.4.1.1.2. We leave the conversation with skepticism

4.4.1.1.3. The dialogue is a deja vu

4.4.1.2. Find the real root reason of problems

4.4.1.2.1. Sometimes are things not presented

4.4.1.2.2. Divide in pieces the problems

4.4.1.3. What do we both want to achieve?

4.4.2. 2 Start with yourself

4.4.2.1. What do I want?

4.4.2.2. Focus on the big picture

4.4.2.3. Think long term

4.4.2.4. Focus on the objectives to let it guide your emotions and thinking

4.4.2.5. You can only control yourself not other person or situation

4.4.2.6. Avoid non intelligent behaviors

4.4.2.6.1. Anger

4.4.2.6.2. Accusations

4.4.2.7. Separate facts from conclusions

4.4.3. 3 Control your own stories

4.4.3.1. You shall recognize the reality and separate facts from stories in your own head

4.4.3.1.1. What is your own role in a problem?

4.4.3.2. Sometimes you think you are angry but in reality can be ashamed or humiliated or non appreciated

4.4.3.2.1. Challenge your own stories

4.4.3.3. You need to recognize when you are judging

4.4.3.3.1. Do not judge, do not assume, you recognize there is something you probably dont know

4.4.4. 4 How to deliver information

4.4.4.1. A.- Learn to observe

4.4.4.1.1. Recognize when conversations are crucial

4.4.4.1.2. Look for signals of negative emotions on counterpart

4.4.4.1.3. Make sure all parties feel safe to talk

4.4.4.1.4. How do I act under pressure

4.4.4.2. B Create a safe environment

4.4.4.2.1. Take distance and create a safe environment

4.4.4.2.2. Tools

4.4.4.3. C Deliver without brute force

4.4.4.3.1. Do not

4.4.4.3.2. Do tell

4.4.4.3.3. Important: Talk with strong opinion or exaggeration do not increase influence, it diminishes it

4.4.5. 5 Explore the other side

4.4.5.1. Active listening

4.4.5.1.1. Invite to talk

4.4.5.1.2. Mirrors

4.4.5.1.3. Labels

4.4.5.1.4. Paraphrasing

4.4.5.1.5. Take distance if still strong emotions

4.4.6. 6 Keep strong when you are attacked

4.4.6.1. We don’t need approval from others

4.4.6.2. Write your story with your own pen

4.4.6.3. Learn to accept criticism

4.4.6.3.1. Can be truth or lie or a mixture ; typically it’s a mixture

4.4.6.4. We wrongly assume approval = safety, disapproval = danger

4.4.6.4.1. We constantly worry we are not valuable

4.4.6.5. Tools

4.4.6.5.1. Seri

4.4.7. 7 Pass to action

4.4.7.1. How to take decision

4.4.7.1.1. When authority is clear

4.4.7.1.2. When not clear authority

4.4.7.1.3. Define who, what, when, how

4.4.7.2. Common problem situations:

4.4.7.2.1. We seek in people

4.4.7.2.2. Lack of initiatives

4.4.7.2.3. Lack of trust

4.4.7.2.4. Hypersensitive couple

4.4.7.2.5. Personal and delicate (ex hygiene)

4.4.7.2.6. Lie

4.4.7.2.7. Racism

4.4.8. 8 Summary

4.4.8.1. Link

4.4.9. PRIME

4.4.9.1. Parta desde los hechos

4.4.9.1.1. Just the reality

4.4.9.2. Relate su historia

4.4.9.2.1. Your story with caution

4.4.9.2.2. Una posible conclusión

4.4.9.3. Investigue el camino del otro

4.4.9.4. Muevase con cautela

4.4.9.4.1. No exagerar

4.4.9.4.2. Contrastar

4.4.9.5. Entusiasme al otro a compartir

4.5. Writing - Speaking

4.5.1. Writing

4.5.1.1. Rules

4.5.1.1.1. 1 Clarity above all

4.5.1.1.2. 2 Waste no time

4.5.1.1.3. 3 Be the authority

4.5.1.1.4. 4 Design your document

4.5.1.1.5. 5 Scaffold Well

4.5.1.1.6. 6 There is no good writing without good revision

4.5.1.1.7. 7 Start to write with your purpose

4.5.2. Speaking

4.5.2.1. Structure

4.5.2.1.1. Introduction

4.5.2.1.2. Content

4.5.2.1.3. Conclusion

4.6. Rapport (Emily Alison): The four ways to read people

4.6.1. H E A R cornerstones to build rapport

4.6.1.1. The right amount of **Honesty** with the right amount of sensivity

4.6.1.1.1. “There is a Chinese proverb: Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead. It basically means: only use the amount of force necessary to the task or you may make the situation worse. You mustn’t waffle around the truth, but it is also unwise to smack people in the face with honesty like a wet trout – especially the people you love.”

4.6.1.1.2. Be factual and direct, avoid guesses or opinions

4.6.1.2. **Empathy** Understand someone based on their core beliefs and values

4.6.1.3. **Autonomy** Emphasize the other person’s free will

4.6.1.4. **Reflection** Repeat what is important to them, values and beliefs connect and engage

4.6.1.4.1. Avoid the temptation of giving advice or opinion, instead keep listening

4.6.2. 4 styles of communication: “Go good circle . • Counter bad interpersonal behaviour with good. So, you counter bad Lion with good Mouse; you meet bad T-Rex with good T-Rex; bad Mouse is countered by good Lion and bad Monkey by good Monkey. ”

4.6.2.1. T Rex Manage confrontation without attacking

4.6.2.1.1. “The direct use of physical force is so poor a solution to the problem of limited resources that it is commonly employed only by small children and great nations. – David Friedman, The Machinery of Freedom”

4.6.2.1.2. Lose aggressive or attacking language

4.6.2.1.3. Choose you battles (does it worth it?

4.6.2.2. Mouse : To capitulate, show deference and concede but avoid weakness

4.6.2.3. Lion: To establish control but not demanding

4.6.2.4. Monkey: To cooperate but avoid inappropriate intimacy

4.6.2.4.1. “Beware overfamiliarity. Blurred boundaries with children or in the workplace can be extremely hard to re-establish once you overstep. It is hard to put the genie back in the bottle once you let it out. You are not your child’s friend, even if you are friends. You are not your employees’ friend, even if that would be easier. When your role demands leadership and authority, you need to be able to assert it so beware the bad Monkey’s blurred boundaries.”

4.6.3. 5 factors to raise kind children (Harvard Making caring common project)

4.6.3.1. 1 Model Kindness

4.6.3.1.1. Kindness promotes kindness

4.6.3.2. 2 Practice Empathy

4.6.3.3. 3 Value Feelings

4.6.3.4. 4 Reinforce heroic behaviour

4.6.3.4.1. “When someone is prepared to put their own needs second to those of others or to make an effort to fight injustice, unfairness, distress and harm coming to others, highlight and reinforce these moral messages”

4.6.3.5. 5 Encourage Grey Thinking

4.6.3.5.1. “Do not shy away from moral complexity, try to avoid describing situations in black-and-white terms – good or bad. Instead, encourage a more thorough understanding of situations and others.”

4.6.4. Quotes

4.6.4.1. “The first step to repairing and rebuilding that relationship (with your child) is often getting them to start conversations (with their child) that don’t involve instructions or sound like a performance review, but are about what inspires them or what they enjoy.”

4.6.4.2. "To have a meaningful talk you need to focus your conversation in the core beliefs and values"

4.6.4.3. “we have to deliberately override the impulse to respond to people’s bad behaviour with bad behaviour of our own”

4.6.5. Learn the art of conversation

4.6.5.1. 1 Listen

4.6.5.1.1. “what the person cares about and is interested in”

4.6.5.2. 2 Share

4.6.5.2.1. “Find shared experiences to bond over. If you don’t already have some, test out experiences that we are all likely to share to start to build up the conversation and picture of the other person.”

4.6.5.3. 3 Seek

4.6.5.3.1. “Get more from them than they get from you. Try to make sure you pass the conversational ball back at least twice as much as you hold it. People like to feel listened to, not to be talked at, so try to encourage them to speak rather than put pressure on yourself to be full of witty and entertaining anecdotes.”

4.7. Flip the Script

4.7.1. Inception Oren’s book is about how to implant your idea in the mind of the buyer so they think it’s their own.

4.7.1.1. 1 Status alignment

4.7.1.1.1. 1 Use industry specific lingo

4.7.1.1.2. 2 discuss a respected action taken by you in the industry

4.7.1.1.3. 3. Refer to something every in the industry is speaking

4.7.1.2. 2 Create certainty , by showing you are expert

4.7.1.2.1. Use flash roll: a sentence short full in technical details showing you are expert

4.7.1.3. 3 Explain your idea answering prewired questions

4.7.1.3.1. Answer the top 3 questions buyers have (why do I care, what os there for me, why you?)