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Conflict Resolution by Mind Map: Conflict Resolution
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Conflict Resolution

Two types of conflict

Silence

Harboring unresolved conflict

Fearing confrontation more than fearing end result of conflict

Violence

Gossip

Physical attack

Both based in cowardice

We must have a planned system to purge conflict

2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

The prerequisite to conflict resolution is desire to change

Conflict aversion is cowardice with a politically correct hat

Cowardice must be rooted out entirely

2 timothy 1:7

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Conflict aversion can also be a result of lack of belief

Leaders

When drawn into conflict; leaders must withdraw or become part of the solution

apologize first, Encourage second, Never criticize directly, People do NOT want to hear ANY criticism ever., Proverbs 15:1, oreo cookie approach, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Leaders use their resolutions to guide their conflict resolution strategy

Conflict builds on purpose, friendship, scoreboard, Common interest, Consistent encouragement, Permission to speak the truth in love

Be loyal to those not present and you build the trust of those present

First Pause, Pray, Empathize

Putting on another perspective allows us to replace judgement with compassion

Philippians 2:3-4, Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Assume the best of intentions

Focus on the time spent fellowshipping rather than on the conflict

Matthew 6:12

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

Triangulation

Pulling someone in or being pulled into a conflict unless you're being pulled in as a mediator / to solve the problem.

Mediator cannot influence the conversation with their own thoughts.

Venting is an avoidance technique that creates triangulation.

3 people

Victim

Persecutor

Rescuer

Proverbs 20:19

He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.

Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Proverbs 16:28

A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.

Proverbs 21:23

Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

5 steps to Resolving Conflict

Both parties must desire resolution in order for this to work. Both parties should agree to meet in person.

Affirm the relationship

Encourage

Place high value on relationship and on reward of working it out.

The goal of affirmation is that both parties are validated as valuable members of the relationship.

Listening is the best way to affirm, Romans 14:19, Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another., Proverbs 27:2, Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.

Deposit in the love and respect tanks

Seek to understand

This needs an empathetic spirit. Empathy: The ability to see someone else's perspective.

Listen intently, Attempt to see from other party's perspective, Be curious; not furious!, Do NOT assign motives; just clarify actions, James 1:19, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

Seek to be understood

Re-establish intention of good communication, Proverbs 18:13, Make the goal of clear communication clear!, He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

It is 100% my responsibility to communicate my message clearly and it is 100% your responsibility to ensure you receive my message

Own responsibility by apologizing

Own as much of conflict as possible while still being truthful, Leaders look for teachable moments, A genuine apology creates goodwill, James 5:16, Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Seek agreement

Agree on future roles and responsibilities for future relationship, Agreement creates stronger bonds and fills the commitment bucket, Romans 12: 4 - 5, For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: 5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another., Agreement leads to new/renewed purpose for relationship

Desire to resolve conflict must be present before action

Take Away:

Quickly confront conflict by affirming the purpose for the relationship and seeking reconciliation

Do not add to this... as soon as you add things to fix; then the conversation turns from conflict resolution to relationship improvement which has no clearly defined resolution!