Harboring unresolved conflict
Fearing confrontation more than fearing end result of conflict
Both based in cowardice
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
apologize first, Encourage second, Never criticize directly, People do NOT want to hear ANY criticism ever., Proverbs 15:1, oreo cookie approach, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Conflict builds on purpose, friendship, scoreboard, Common interest, Consistent encouragement, Permission to speak the truth in love
Philippians 2:3-4, Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Focus on the time spent fellowshipping rather than on the conflict
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
Mediator cannot influence the conversation with their own thoughts.
He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Both parties must desire resolution in order for this to work. Both parties should agree to meet in person.
Place high value on relationship and on reward of working it out.
The goal of affirmation is that both parties are validated as valuable members of the relationship.
Listening is the best way to affirm, Romans 14:19, Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another., Proverbs 27:2, Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.
Deposit in the love and respect tanks
This needs an empathetic spirit. Empathy: The ability to see someone else's perspective.
Listen intently, Attempt to see from other party's perspective, Be curious; not furious!, Do NOT assign motives; just clarify actions, James 1:19, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
Re-establish intention of good communication, Proverbs 18:13, Make the goal of clear communication clear!, He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
It is 100% my responsibility to communicate my message clearly and it is 100% your responsibility to ensure you receive my message
Own as much of conflict as possible while still being truthful, Leaders look for teachable moments, A genuine apology creates goodwill, James 5:16, Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Agree on future roles and responsibilities for future relationship, Agreement creates stronger bonds and fills the commitment bucket, Romans 12: 4 - 5, For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: 5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another., Agreement leads to new/renewed purpose for relationship
Do not add to this... as soon as you add things to fix; then the conversation turns from conflict resolution to relationship improvement which has no clearly defined resolution!