How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People by Les Giblin

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How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People by Les Giblin by Mind Map: How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People by Les Giblin

1. Good relationships are win/win

1.1. Everyone wants success and happiness

1.1.1. Not taking from people through inferiority/begging

1.1.2. Not taking from people through superiority

1.1.3. bY Fair Exchange - everybody wins and feels good

2. Chapter 1 - Your key to success and happiness

2.1. 66-90% of all failures in the business world are failures in human relations.

2.2. So called personality problems, such as timidity, shyness, and self-consciousness, are basically problems in dealing with people

2.3. Learn skill in dealing with people with confidence and you will automatically improve your own success and happiness

2.4. Learn the underlying principles involved in dealing with people and you won't need gimmicks.

3. Chapter 2 - The basic secret for influencing others

3.1. We are all egotists

3.2. We are all more interested in ourselves than in anything else in the world

3.3. Every person you meet wants to feel important and amount to something

3.4. There is a hunger in every human being for approval

3.5. A hungry ego is a mean ego

3.6. Satisfy the other person's hunger for self esteem and he automatically becomes more friendly and likeable

3.7. Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Psychologists now tell us that unless you do love yourself in the sense of having some feeling of self esteem and self-regard, it is impossible for you to feel friendly toward other people

3.8. Remember LS/MFT. Low Self Esteem Means Friction and Trouble.

3.9. Help the other fellow like himself better and you make him easier to get along with.

3.10. People act, or fail to act, largely to enhance their own egos.

4. Chapter 3 - Cash in on your hidden assets

4.1. Don't be stingy in feeding the hunger for a feeling of importance

4.2. Don't underestimate "small courtesies" such as being on time for an appointment. It is by such small things that we acknowledge the importance of the other person. Unfortunately, we are often more courteous to strangers than to home folks. Try treating your family and friends with the same courtesy you show strangers.

4.3. Remind yourself that people are important, and your attitude will get across to the other person.

4.4. Starting today, begin to notice other people more. Pay attention to a man or a child, and you make him feel more important.

4.5. Don't lord it over other people, or attempt to increase your own feeling of self-importance by making other people feel small.

5. Chapter 4 - Control the actions and attitudes of others

5.1. Whether you realize it or not, you control the actions and attitudes of others by your own actions and attitudes.

5.2. Your own attitudes are reflected back to you from the other person almost as if you stood before a mirror.

5.3. Act or feel hostile and the other fellow reflects this hostility back to you. Shout at him, and he is almost compelled to shout back. Act Calmly and unemotionally, and you turn away his anger before it gets started.

5.4. Act enthusiastic and you arouse the enthusiasm of the other person.

5.5. Act confidently and the other person has confidence in you.

5.6. Begin today deliberately to cultivate an enthusiastic attitude. Take a tip from Frank Bettger and act as if you were enthusiastic. Soon you'll feel enthusiastic.

5.7. Right now begin to deliberately cultivate a confident manner. Don't mumble your words as if you were afraid to express them. Speak out. Watch your posture. A slumped figure signifies that you find the burdens of life too heavy for you to bear. A drooping head signifies that you are defeated by life. Hold you head up. Straighten up your shoulders. Walk with a confident step, as if you had somewhere important to go.

6. Chapter 5 - Create a good impression on other people

6.1. In dealing with other people, you yourself sound the keynote for the entire theme, when you begin the interview.

6.2. If you start off on a note of formality, the meeting will be formal. Start off on a note of friendliness and the meeting will be friendly. Set the stage for a business-like discussion, and it will be business-like. Start on a note of apology and the other person will force you to play the theme all the way through.

6.3. When you meet someone for the first time, the impression you make then is very likely to be the keynote that will determine how he regards you for the rest of your life.

6.4. Other people tend to accept you at your own evaluation. If you think you are a nobody, you are practically asking the other people to snub you.

6.5. One of the best means ever discovered for impressing the other fellow favorably is not to strive too hard to make an impression, but to let him know what he is making a good impression on you.

6.6. People judge you not only by the opinion you hold of yourself, but also by the opinions you hold on other things; your job, your company, even your competition.

6.7. Negative opinions create a negative atmosphere. Don't be a knocker. And don't be a sorehead.

6.8. The way, itself, in which you ask things, sets the stage or sounds the keynote for the other person's answers. Don't ask questions or issue instructions that imply you expect trouble. Why ask for trouble?

7. Chapter 6 - The big three secrets for attracting people

7.1. The real secret of an attractive personality is to offer other people the food they are hungry for. People are as hungry for certain things as flies are for honey.

7.2. Use the Triple A Formula for attracting people

7.2.1. Accept

7.2.1.1. Accept people as they are. Allow them to be themselves. Don't insist on anyone being perfect before you can like him. Don't fashion a moral strait jacket and expect others to wear it in order to gain your acceptance. Above all don't bargain for acceptance. don't say, in substance, "I'll accept you if you'll do this or that, or change your ways to suit me."

7.2.2. Approve

7.2.2.1. Look for something to approve in the other person. It may be something small or insignificant. But let the other person know you approve that, and the number of things you can sincerely approve of will begin to grow. When the other person gets a taste of your genuine approval, he will begin to change his behavior so that he will be approved for other things.

7.2.3. Appreciate

7.2.3.1. To appreciate means to raise in value, as opposed to depreciate, which means to lower in value. Let other people know that you value them. Treat other people as if they were valuable to you. Don't keep them waiting. Thank them. Give them "special", individual treatment.

8. Chapter 7 - Make the other person feel friendly

8.1. Human Relations often become deadlocked because each party is afraid to make the first move.

8.2. Don't wait for a sign from the other fellow. Assume that he is going to be friendly and act accordingly.

8.3. Assume the attitude that you wish the other person to take. Act as if you expected him to like you.

8.4. Take a chance that the other fellow will be friendly. It is always a gamble, but you'll win 99 times for every time you lose, if you'll just bet on his being friendly. Refuse to take the chance, and you'll lose every time.

8.5. Don't be an eager-beaver. Don't be overly anxious. Don't knock yourself out trying to make the other fellow like you. Remember, there is such a thing as being too charming and trying too hard.

8.6. Just relax and take for granted that other people do like you.

8.7. Use the magic of your smile to warm up the other fellow.

8.8. Starting today, begin to develop a genuine smile by practicing before your bathroom mirror. You know what a real smile looks like when you see one. Your mirror will tell you whether your smile is real or phoney. Also, going through the motions of smiling will get you in the habit, and actually make you feel more like smiling.

9. Chapter 8 - Develop skill in using words

9.1. Both success and happiness depend in large measure on your ability to express ourselves. Therefore, start today to study ways to improve your talk. Keep at it day after day.

9.2. Practice starting conversations with strangers by using the warm up technique of asking simple questions, or making obvious observations.

9.3. To be a good conversationalist, stop trying to be perfect, and don't be afraid to be trite. Nuggets and gems in conversation come only after you have dug a lot of low-grade ore.

9.4. Ask questions to bring out interesting talk from others.

9.5. Encourage the other person to talk about himself. Talk about the other person's interests.

9.6. Use the "me-too" technique to identify yourself with the speaker and his interests.

9.7. Talk about yourself only when you are invited to do so by the other person. If he wants to knkow about you; he'll ask.

9.8. Use "Happy Talk." Remember, nobody likes a Gloomy Gus or a prophet of doom. Keep your troubles to yourself.

9.9. Eliminate kidding, teasing, and sarcasm from conversation.

10. Chapter 9 - The technique that a supreme court justice called "white magic"

10.1. Look at the person who is talking

10.1.1. Anybody worth listening to is worth looking at. It'll also help you concentrate on what he's saying

10.2. Appear deeply interested in what he is saying

10.2.1. If you agree, nod your head. If he tells a story, mile. Respond to his cue. Work with him.

10.3. Lean toward the person who is talking

10.3.1. Ever notice you have a tendency to lean toward an interesting talker, and lean away from a dull one?

10.4. Ask questions.

10.4.1. This lets the person who is talking know that you are still listening.

10.5. Don't interrupt; instead, ask him to tell more.

10.5.1. Most people are highly complimented if you don't interrupt them until they're through. But they're DOUBLY complimented if you draw them out. "Would you mind going into that last point a little more fully?" - or "I'd like to know a little more about what you were saying concerning such and such."

10.6. Stick to the speaker's subject.

10.6.1. Don't change subjects on a person until he is finished, no matter how anxious you are to get started on a new one.

10.7. Use the speaker's words to get your own point across.

10.7.1. When the other fellow has finished talking - repeat back to him some of the things he hsa said. This not only proves you've been listening, but is a good way to introduce your own ideas without opposition. Preface some of your own remarks with, "As you pointed out -." - or "It's just like you said - ."

11. Chapter 10 - Get others to see things your way quickly.

11.1. When you have a difference of opinion with someone, your object should not be to "win an argument," but to get the other person to change his own mind and see things your way. Thus, you must avoid bringing his ego into play. You must slip your "logical reasons" past his ego, then clinch it by leaving him a loophole through which he can escape from his previous position.

11.2. Six rules of getting others to see things your way

11.2.1. Let him state his case

11.2.2. Pause momentarily before you answer

11.2.3. Don't insist on winning 100 per cent

11.2.4. State your case moderately and accurately

11.2.5. Speak through third persons

11.2.6. Let the other fellow save face

12. Chapter 11 - Get 100 per cent cooperation

12.1. If you want other people to help you, and go all out, you must ask for their ideas as well as for their brawn.

12.2. Make the other fellow feel that your problem is his problem.

12.3. Use the principle of multiple management, giving each member of the team a voice in how the team is to operate.

12.4. When you want someone to do you a favor, make him a member of your team. Don't just say, "How about putting in a good word for me." Say, "If you were in my shoes and wanted to get favorable attention, how would you go about it?"

12.5. Set up your own brain trust, and make use of the ideas, suggestions, and advice of other people.

12.6. Be sure when you ask for advice you actually want advice. Don't ask for advice if all you want is sympathy or a pat on the back.

13. Chapter 12 - Your miracle power in human relations

13.1. Sincere praise miraculously releases energy in the other person, perks him up physically, as well as giving his spirits a lift.

13.2. The person who is discouraged, doing sloppy work, or just hard to get along with is probably suffering from low self-esteem. Praise can act as a wonder drug to give his self-esteem a healthy shot in the arm, change his behavior for the better.

13.3. Give others credit for what they do. Show your appreciation of what they have done by saying "thank you."

13.4. Be generous with kind statements. Gratitude is not a common thing. By being generous with gratitude, you make yourself stand-out.

13.5. Increase your own happiness and peace of mind by paying three sincere compliments each day.

14. Chapter 13 - Criticize others without offending them

14.1. Remember that criticism, to be successful, must be for the purpose of accomplishing some worthwhile goal for both yourself and the person you're criticizing. Don't criticize just to bolster you own ego. And steer clear of the other fellow's ego when you must correct him.

14.2. The Seven Musts of criticism

14.2.1. Criticism must be made in absolute privacy.

14.2.2. Preface criticism with a kind word or compliment.

14.2.3. Make the criticism impersonal. Criticize the act, not the person.

14.2.4. Supply the answer.

14.2.5. Ask for cooperation - don't demand it.

14.2.6. One criticism to an offense.

14.2.7. Finish in a friendly fashion.

15. Chapter 14

15.1. PDCA

15.2. Take Action

15.3. Baby Steps