"I Can't Change", "Some people just can't change,", "I'm just lazy.", "This is just the kind of person I am.", "I'm just like my mom (or dad)."
People DO CHANGE, Constantly, but, They must want it badly, "How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one—but the light bulb has to really want to change."
The Point, Your ability, to, Develop, Employ, Sustain
Relaxation, Situational Relaxation, will, increase ability to, Think, Fell, Do, decrease, Tension, Anxiety, Fear, create, immediate increase, Self-Discipline, Avoidance Process, Decide to begin a task, that, requires Self-Discipline, Hyde plays tricks on you, Create inner conflict, Rises stress level, When stress is up, So do anxiety levels, Motivation drops, You start to say, "I Don't want to do this now", Psychological stress, couses, Physiological reaction, You don't feel like doing the task, Hyde's Resistance, To Overcome it, know its tricks, ask "WHY" question, recognition of tricks, will diminish its powers, Relaxation, opportunity to shift, Avoidance Behaviour, from, Subconscious, into, Conscious, Important, If you relax, for minute before starting a task, Become aware of, Rationalizing, Minimizing, Justifying, Situational Relaxation Technique, STEP, Take few deep breaths, Slow your breathing, Say to yourself, I'm completely relaxed", STEP, As you continue to slow, say, "I am tightening my forehead, then relaxing it", "I am tightening my facial muscles, then relaxing it", "I am tightening my jaw, then relaxing it", "I am tightening my neck muscles, then relaxing it", continue to go through major muscles groups, Shoulders, Arms, hands, Back, Stomach, etc., STEP, Give a minute to feel relaxed, Control your breathing, use, Self-talk, to support, Physical relaxation, Visualization, to see yourself doing the task, STEP, Quickly ask and answer, WHY question, Listen to Hyde, Beware of its tricks, Counteract Hyde's influence, be, Convincing, Forceful, Relaxed, Focus on immediate rewards, use, Self-Talk, Visualization, STEP, Begin to take small actions, Remind your muscles to relax, Whenever you hear Hyde, use, Self-Discipline Tools, Note, Situational Relaxation, effective with, Consumption behaviours, Smoking, Drinking, Overeating, Remember, Change one behaviour, with, Another Behaviour
is, creative, fun loving, pleasure-seeking, comfort-seeking, non-ambitious
believes, because of self-discipline, I'll become a slave to routine, I'll lose my freedom, I'll lose my sense of fun, I'll drown in a sea of responsibilities, I'll put too much pressure on myself
Poisons, Cynicism, Pessimism, "It's too complicated.", "It's too easy to have any real value.", "It's too difficult to complete", Negativism, Negative Attitude, Defeatism, Self-Defeat, Escapism, Emotional Stones, Delayism, Do It Later
Basic Requirements, Positive, Specific, Present Tense
Self-Talk, Subconscious, Influence Your Behaviour, Background music in shop, Subconscious debate, Hyde Working place, Replacing self-defeating message with...
What to Say, Action orientated, "I am now working on my rapport", "I choose...", "I should...", "I have...", "I must..."
Tip, Say it Aloud, for maximum effect, speaking, hearing
Self-Discipline, Is NOT, A personality trait, Forcing yourself using willpower, IS, Skill, Self-Awareness, Process of self-coordination, Psychological self-management, to ask yourself, "How can I get myself to do what I should do?", "How can I get myself to do what a part of me doesn't want to do?", Key to Self-Discipline, Recognize and deal with resistance, Exercise your Self-Discipline muscles, Block busting, FEARS, creates, attitude, procrastination, poor time management skills, avoidance, are subconscious, deep-rooted, we must accept fears, as it is part of human being, but, reduce influence of it, not free from fears, but we can control them, The worst thing we have to fear is fear itself
15 min, per exercise
Be, Specific, Name names, Honest
IMPORTANT, don't just think, write it down
A person can fail, but, He is not a failure as a person
Failure, is a, Stepping stone, not a, Tombstone
The Point, we link failure to humiliation
Feelings, affects you, Emotionally, Intellectually, Physically
EXERCISE, 3 Past Failures, High School, Driving License, Basketball Team, Notes, Physically, Emotionally
Exploring Fear of Success, London IT, Success, I received loan for study, Problem, I couldn't commit myself to finish it because I feared I will stuck with it for the rest of my life, Counter-Strike, Success, I was very good at it and have been recognized, Problem, I feared to be on the wrong track, that it can't be my future
Success Definition, A favourable result
Negative Self-Talk, "Maybe I don't really deserve success", feel unworthy, past, action, behaviour, thoughts, "If I'm successful, people will judge me with a more critical eye.", pressure to live up to success, "It's lonely at the top.", "If I am successful someone close to me will suffer.", compassion to someone else, "I'll be overcome by responsibility and pressure.", afraid of buring and dull life
Point, When you try to satisfy everyone, you end up losing your ass
Need, of, approval, creates, anxiety, defeatist attitude
Satisfying, others needs, to, feel secure
Inability, to say, NO
Exploring Fear of Rejection, Father, Friends, Spouse
Point, Subconscious fear of appearing mediocre either to ourselves or others
Remember, Non of us are perfect, Nothing we do is perfect, Perfection is the domain of the Gods
Exploring Fear of Mediocrity, Internet Marketing, Education
Point, "Better to be safe then sorry", Feel comfortable, in the sameness, Self-doubt, achieving things
Remember, Self-Confidence, supports, Self-Discipline
Exploring Fear of Mediocrity, "I wish I hadn't done that"
Self-discipline process, Decision to act, Preparation, Action, Completion/Maintenance
Remember, Self-discipline, is, process, with stages
Beliefs, "All or Nothing", "There are only winners and losers,", "There is only one right way to do it.", "Either do it right or don't do it at all."
Power Tool, Visualization, Mental image, of, Actions, Non-actions, either, Support, Oppose, using, Images, over, Words, Hyde's, Fears, Doubts, replace, Hyde's Self-Defeating Images, with, Supportive Mental Images, create, Vivid Mental Movies, involving your senses, Hear, See, Smell, The Key, include, Specific Details, prior, Going for Action, on your project, VISUALIZE, for 30 sec., as often as possible, Benefits, firm your, Commitment, increase your, Confidence, validate your, Ability, Motivate, reduce, Hyde's Influence
Beliefs, "I Must Be Perfect", "I must win this contest", "I must perform this job perfectly.", "I must be the best", The Reality, of, Getting it Done, is more satisfying, than, The Dream, of, Getting it Perfect, Caution, Perfectionism, weakens, Perseverance
Power Tool, Reward System, Private Praise, for every small accomplishment, Congratulate yourself, "It makes me feel good to get this done.", "Congratulations! You did it!", "Good going!", it will increase, your Self-Esteem, Tip, keep your words, Short, Simple, use quick phrases, "Good work!", "Don't give up!", "You can do it!", say it in, Strong, Solid, Supportive, Important, if you slip, don't punish your-self, but, say, "So I slipped, no big deal. I'll do better next time", be sure, to, Smile, Contracts, is the same, as with other person, be specific, about, Actions, Rewards, Example, Tip, simple written contracts, will give you more, Self-Discipline, than, verbal, The act of writing, involves you in agreement, Psychological, Physiological, Gradual Steps, reward yourself, Gradually, use rewards, at the beginning, of, Your projects
EXERCISE, Design a Reward List, Important!, don't only, THINK about exercise, WRITE it down, make, a list of pleasures, keep, each item short, it simple, Example, My Guilt-Free Rewards, 1. Go to a movie, 2. Rent a video., 3.Dinner at a special restaurant, 4. Buy that pair of too expensive shoes, 5. Fifteen minutes of long distance talk, 6. Dumb TV, with popcorn, one hour,, 7. Relax on the Beach for one hour, 8. Weekend vacation, 9. Week vacation, 10. Go feed the ducks, 11. Entire video movie day, 12. See a play, 13. Fluff novel, one chapter, 14. Fluff novel, entixe Box, 15. Buy magazine, 16. Read magazine, 17. Playa music, one hour
Beliefs, "I Can Achieve Without Discomfort", "Maybe I will get lucky and...", "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow... ", "Why put myself out.. ?", part of us, hates, Wait, Work, The Point, learn to, Expect, Accept, Tolerate, without Discomfort, won't accomplish even, Simple task
Power Tool, Vitaminds, Affirmations, Words, Phrases, reinforce, Goals, Steps, is, like, Vitamins + Mind, Vitaminds, written, Affirmations, has, Double psychological effect, than, spoken, select, Goal, and write, Affirmation, "I, Ted Brown, practice piano one hour a day.", "You, Ted Brown, practice piano one hour a day.", "Ted Brown practices piano one hour a day.", keep sentence, Present tense, Positive, make it, Specific, write it, by hand, Slowly, Thoughtfully, think about the words, What do they mean, turn, Affirmations, to, Vitaminds, by, taking sheet of paper, with 3 sets of affirmations, separate into 3 sets, keep it in 3 places, Bathroom, Night stand, Wallet, read, 10x / day, Remember, Take your Vitaminds daily
Belief, "Something Terrible Will Happen", Fear, Psychological mechanism, designed, to keep us from harm, listening to fear, will, drain enthusiasm
Power Tool, A Goal Sheet, Important, Psychological function, Purpose, give, Direction, Commitment, Motivation, Foundation, for, Action, Exercise, Write Statement, Specific, Detailed, State WHY, What's your purpose?, helps to, determine the power of commitment, fuel to self-discipline, Enduring motivation, List Your Steps, give time frame
Decision, purpose, build psychological foundation, commitment that would carry you through all the steps, Two Sides of Coin, In order to get what you want, you must give up something else, Give Up What?, time, money, physical comfort, emotional comfort, security, leisure, personal relationship, other goals, etc., Exercise, Take a sheet of paper, Write down a goal, at the top, Make two columns, On the right, Benefits, On the left, Drawbacks, Look at Goal Sheet, What you must give up to achieve each step, What is the downside to your achieved goal
Preparation, Plan daily, give 10 minutes, make simple "to do" list, break it down, simple steps, 6 Step Daily Plan, Pick a goal from Goal Sheet, Choose launch date, to begin action, Make a "to do" list, write down each step, Write down rewards, next to each action, Cross it when completed, Review at the end of the day
Action, Just Do It
Completion/Maintance, requirements, Awerness, be alert of Hyde, Attitude, If you feel you can reach your goal you are halfway there, Action, Be aware of your consistency level, make sure, you are actually doing things, not just thinking about them, monitor, your progress daily, Quick Self-Discipline Exercise, Pinpoint specific action, that you are not doing, Ask yourself, "Why am I putting this task off?", "What specific poison, roadblock, or belief is Hyde using?", Uncover specific payoffs, "Is it worth it?", What will you lose?, What benefits you will receive, upon completion of your goals, Visualize, Feel
personalize, Experiment with tools, Find out what works for you, Regularly alternate tools & techniques
personalize Hyde, Hyde will be always with you, Create relationship with Hyde, Give a personal name for Hyde, use nickname from your youth, Hyde is reflection of child you were, use name during conversations, Dealing with Hyde is like dealing with a person different from yourself.