that N will end the relationship because he's been too forward, (the fear is lessening, but that doesn't make it gone)
losing his soul
wishes this all could be easier, simpler
that N can't leave Below, (he'll never get to see him in the sun)
he's ruined everything by being too forward
Scarlet knows about his feelings, but seemed to be claiming N anyway
doesn't understand where all these new emotions are coming from
how can he feel so much for someone so new to him? ...for that matter, for anyone /at all/? It feels so sudden.
doesn't want to be jealous
ah wish ah knew how to quit you
emotions seem to be driving him instead of vice-versa
getting too old for this shit
masks are heavy
this situation fucking sucks
Bar gets N's love
Scarlet might occupy a similar space to him in N's needs
he has thievery jobs that *must* be done
if he gets caught stealing, it will hurt people and he will lose them, (when John visits, he will have to be careful)
he could be replaced in N's life by anyone, especially Scarlet, (it will take work if he's to lose that kneejerk jealousy)
that as he's getting older he's losing his ability to be a fun person to be around
that people will think less of him when they find out what he doesn't know
wish he'd never said anything to Nathan about his feelings
ignorance about 'Neath matters
ignorance of so much through his life
has been so selfish
he doesn't know why it happened, but it did
that John will come and visit
is rediscovering his performance skills, (and that he hasn't lost his touch)
the image of N's face upon receipt of his gift
in the Flit, looking down over the city, (everything seems so much simpler up here)
clear path with N
that N thinks they're close, (and that he'd like to be closer)
that he's N's only lover, (and that's likely to stay that way)
that love feels so /incredible/ when things are going well, (the way a touch makes his breath catch in his throat), (the simple joy of having N near)
what /is/ it about that man?
love will be even better when they are more intimate
working slight-of-hand into his act will be fun, (working on his act at all will be fun)
showing John the 'Neath
can't wait to know N better
looking forward to his steamer party, (he should start planning that soon)
that N will fall for him
that things will become easier
never to say "I love you" first
not to give up, even if it would be easier
to keep his promises not to run
when the hell did he become a man who cries?
would N and John get along?
can he find a balance between thievery and fooling?
why did it take so long for him to think about John with regards to thievery?
what else has he missed?
more friends would be nice
more places of serenity
continued stability in his footing with N