How to solve problems, resolve conflicts, change habits, align priorities and hit goals

1. Solve Problems

1.1. Clearly define the problem

1.1.1. Why do I feel that this is a problem?

1.1.2. What is the problem?

1.1.3. Who does the problem impact?

1.1.4. Gamify your perspective... problems = opportunities for change/solutions

1.1.5. There are no problems, only solutions

1.2. Acknowledge the worst case outcome

1.3. Imagine possible solutions

1.4. Prioritize

1.5. Do the ONE thing

1.6. Acknowledge potential causes

1.6.1. Reasons

1.7. Acknowledge what is the best/worst that can result from this problem?

1.8. Seek Help

1.9. Let it go

2. Resolve Conflict

2.1. Affirm the relationship

2.1.1. Encourage

2.1.2. Place high value on relationship and on reward of working it out.

2.1.3. The goal of affirmation is that both parties are validated as valuable members of the relationship.

2.1.4. Listening is the best way to affirm

2.1.5. Deposit in the love and respect tanks

2.1.6. Is our relationship worth more than this conflict?

2.2. Seek to understand

2.2.1. Listen intently

2.2.1.1. Attempt to see from other party's perspective

2.2.1.1.1. Be curious; not furious!

2.2.1.2. Do NOT assign motives; just clarify actions

2.2.2. Why is there upset?

2.3. Seek to be understood

2.3.1. Make the goal of clear communication clear!

2.3.2. Re-establish intention of good communication

2.3.3. It is 100% my responsibility to communicate my message clearly and it is 100% your responsibility to ensure you receive my message

2.3.4. May I share my perspective?

2.4. Own responsibility by apologizing

2.4.1. Own as much of conflict as possible while still being truthful

2.4.1.1. Leaders look for teachable moments

2.4.1.1.1. A genuine apology creates goodwill

2.4.2. I am sorry for contributing to the conflict

2.4.3. The 5 languages of apology (Impact Accountability)

2.4.3.1. Express regret

2.4.3.2. Accept Responsibility

2.4.3.3. Make Restitution

2.4.3.4. Genuinely Repent

2.4.3.4.1. (State intention not to repeat)

2.4.3.5. Ask Forgiveness

2.4.3.6. Ask Forgiveness

2.4.4. The 5 languages of apology

2.5. Seek agreement

2.5.1. Agree on future roles and responsibilities for future relationship

2.5.1.1. Agreement creates stronger bonds and fills the commitment bucket

2.5.1.1.1. Agreement leads to new/renewed purpose for relationship

2.5.2. Can we agree to do x instead next time this happens?

3. The Solution Arrow

3.1. The Target:

3.1.1. Draw a circle and write in the answer to: What do I want?

3.2. The Arrow:

3.2.1. When do I want to achieve the target?

3.2.2. Why do I want it?

3.2.3. How much would I give to hit the target?

3.2.4. Who will benefit most when I hit my target?

3.2.4.1. Most Value

3.2.4.2. Second Most benefit

3.2.4.3. Other beneficiaries

3.2.5. Who would be most likely to help me achieve my goal?

3.2.6. What is the one thing I can do right now in this present moment to move closer to my target?

3.2.6.1. What can I do today?

3.2.6.1.1. Week?

3.2.6.1.2. Month?

3.2.7. Does this decision take me closer to, or further away from my goal?

3.3. The Bow:

3.3.1. Resources

3.3.1.1. Time

3.3.1.2. Attention

3.3.1.3. Community

3.3.1.4. Capital

3.3.2. Keys to excellence

3.3.2.1. Confidence and Enthusiasm

3.3.3. Motivation Pre-requisites

3.3.3.1. Autonomy

3.3.3.2. Mastery

3.3.3.3. Purpose

4. Change Habits

4.1. What areas are working?

4.2. What areas NOT working?

4.3. What areas are YOU working on?

4.4. What is the probable, almost certain future if nothing changes?

4.5. What's missing the presence of which would make a difference?

4.6. What is your newly invented possibility?

5. Prioritize

5.1. Have you ever had trouble making a difficult choice?

5.1.1. Try this!

5.2. On one list write down all the things you want to have, do, or give.

5.3. Compare item 1 to item 2 and ask yourself: "Which one of these is more important to me?"

5.3.1. place 1 tally mark next to the winner

5.4. Compare item 1 to item 3 and ask yourself: "If i could only choose one; which would I prefer?"

5.4.1. Place a tally mark by the winner

5.5. Compare item 1 to item 4 and ask yourself: "Which of these would I rather?..."

5.5.1. Put a tally by the one that you would rather have, do, or give

5.6. Once you've compared item 1 to all the other wants on your list, and assigned the appropriate tally marks; move on to item 2!

5.6.1. Compare item 2 to item 3 and place a tally mark by the winner

5.6.2. Compare item 2 to item 4 and place a tally mark by the winner

5.7. After you've compared item 2 to all the other items on the list and awarded tally marks accordingly; repeat the process by comparing item 3 to all below and then item 4 to each below it etc...

5.8. Once you've compared each item to each other item on the list and awarded the winner a tally mark...

5.8.1. re-order the items by tallies and voila! You now have an organized priority list

5.9. Check your work by asking questions

5.9.1. Does this take me towards or away from my purpose/goal?

5.9.1.1. What are the odds of risk?

5.9.1.1.1. What is the severity risk?