The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

A summary of Gretchen Rubin's book "The Four Tendencies" that helps you to understand your own and other's tendencies of responding to outer and inner expectations.

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The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin by Mind Map: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

1. About the Book

1.1. Title

1.1.1. The Four Tendencies

1.1.2. The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)

1.2. Release Date

1.2.1. September 12, 2017

1.3. Hardcover: 272 pages

1.4. About the Author

1.4.1. Gretchen Rubin Books Better Than Before The Happiness Project Happier at Home Podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin Course The Four Tendencies Course Mobile App Better: From Gretchen Rubin

2. Main Question of the Book

2.1. How do you respond to expectations?

2.1.1. Why is this important? The question offers self-insight Helps us reach your full potential Improve productivity Deepens our understanding of others

2.1.2. What kind of expectations are we talking about? Outer expectations From society From work From friends and family Inner expectations Which we set for ourselves

2.1.3. There are four tendencies to responding to expectations People fit into one of four categories Upholders Questioners Obligers Rebels

3. Upholders

3.1. People who excel at meeting both inner and outer expectations

3.1.1. Love schedules, task lists, clear instructions

3.1.2. Aim to please, have no problem taking orders

3.1.3. Value self-reliance and performance

3.2. Good

3.2.1. Reliable, productive, take care of themselves

3.2.2. Easily form new habits

3.2.3. Don't require micromanagement

3.2.4. Make great bosses and managers

3.3. Bad

3.3.1. Don't question things

3.3.2. Resistant to change

3.3.3. Blindly adhere to rules

3.3.4. New habits can tighten and become more controlling over time

3.4. How to deal with Upholders

3.4.1. Give clear instructions

3.4.2. Avoid spontaneous changes

3.4.3. Be understanding and tolerant

4. Questioners

4.1. People who meet inner expectations but struggle with outer expectations

4.1.1. They do what makes sense to them, even if it means ignoring rules set by others

4.1.2. Skeptical about rules and procedures

4.1.3. Value justification and performance

4.2. Good

4.2.1. Set and meet their own expectations

4.2.2. Great at finding ways to improve existing procedures

4.2.3. Come up with novel ideas

4.2.4. Well suited for research-heavy roles

4.3. Bad

4.3.1. Can be exhausting to deal with

4.3.2. Not really team players

4.3.3. Can suffer from analysis paralysis when trying to make a decision Analysis paralysis = over-thinking a situation so that an action is never taken

4.3.4. Not good for jobs that require a lot of decision-making

4.4. How to deal with Questioners

4.4.1. Provide precise reasons and justifications when you ask something of them

4.4.2. Don't question them; instead ask them to share their knowledge

5. Obligers

5.1. People who meet outer expectations but struggle with inner expectations

5.1.1. The largest of the four groups

5.1.2. Value teamwork and duty

5.2. Good

5.2.1. Put others ahead of themselves

5.2.2. Dependable

5.2.3. Effective at meeting others' demands

5.3. Bad

5.3.1. Have trouble doing things that require motivation e.g. sports, courses, meditation

5.3.2. Often suffer from low self-esteem

5.3.3. Wrongly perceived as lazy

5.4. How to deal with Obligers

5.4.1. If you're an Obliger, try to turn internal expectations into external expectations

5.4.2. Things that can help e.g. the threat of being charged a fee e.g. the threat of letting someone else down

6. Rebels

6.1. People who push against both outer and inner expectations

6.1.1. Smallest group of the four tendencies

6.1.2. Value freedom and individuality

6.1.3. Love to defy assumptions

6.2. Good

6.2.1. Willing to work hard (as long as they feel like they are the one making the decision)

6.3. Bad

6.3.1. Often unable to stick to routines and do what's good for them

6.4. How to deal with Rebels

6.4.1. Don't give direct orders

6.4.2. Instead, provide information, then walk away and let them make their own choice

6.4.3. Try reverse psychology by setting a bet

6.4.4. If you're a rebel, try to align your goals with your identity

7. Conclusion

7.1. Knowing more about your own tendencies can help you to...

7.1.1. Learn about your strengths and weaknesses

7.1.2. Overcome your weaknesses and get things done that you've always struggled with

7.1.3. Avoid pitfalls and play to your strengths

7.2. Knowing the tendencies of the people around you will help you to...

7.2.1. Deal with them effectively

7.2.2. Become more understanding towards them, even if their behavior is frustrating

7.3. No one type is better than the other

7.4. No one type is happier than the other

7.4.1. What makes us happy is to understand ourselves and one another better