1. People and circumstances don't upset us
1.1. We upset ourselves by believing that circumstances can upset us
1.2. Our perceptions, attitudes, beliefs and self verbalizations change our feelings.... not the outside circumstances
1.2.1. Our own judgments about ourselves
2. Brain's Process and Rational Therapy
2.1. A
2.1.1. Activating Experience
2.2. B
2.2.1. Filtered through your Belief System
2.2.1.1. Process the information from the activating experience using your beliefs as a filter
2.2.1.2. Emotional disturbance usually originates in your irrational beliefs
2.2.1.2.1. Our job is to unearth these beliefs and test them in the light of Rationality
2.3. C
2.3.1. Consequences = Emotions + Behavior
2.3.1.1. What you end up Feeling
2.4. D
2.4.1. Dispute
2.4.1.1. Vigorously dispute the irrational beliefs
2.4.1.1.1. Track your fear/anxiety back to the irrational belief
2.4.1.2. The task of removing your self defeating beliefs gets easier as you persist
2.4.1.2.1. If you consistently dispute your mistaken philosophies in life, their hold will weaken
2.4.1.3. HOW TO
2.4.1.3.1. Active Dispute on Pen and Paper
2.4.1.3.2. Vigorous Self Propagandization
3. Misery consists of 2 distinct parts
3.1. 1. Desiring, wishing or preferring that you achieve some goal
3.2. 2. Demanding that you accomplish this goal now or you will feel miserable until you accomplish it
3.2.1. MUST
3.2.2. SHOULD
3.2.3. NO MATTER WHAT
4. Example: Dire Need of Approval
4.1. Limiting Belief
4.1.1. "I must have a specific person's approval to feel happy"
4.1.1.1. You can never win anyone's approval 100%
4.1.1.2. Your well being is tied to their emotional state
4.1.1.3. You are constantly trying to win them over ... trying to get complete control
4.1.1.3.1. Impossible
4.1.1.4. If you were able to get that approval by working really hard, you wouldn't have time for anything else
4.1.1.5. PARADOXICALLY: The greater your need for approval, the less they will care for you
4.2. Empowered Belief
4.2.1. I accept myself
4.2.1.1. I find joy in what I do
4.2.1.2. I live a fulfilling life
4.2.2. Getting Love is not the same as having worth
4.2.2.1. When we have self acceptance we don't question our worth as humans
5. Role Playing
5.1. Whatever you are struggling with - adopt the role of a person who is winning in that area
6. Negative IMAGERY
6.1. Picture A - an intense negative activating experience
6.1.1. Fear of talking to someone
6.2. Let yourself feel C - the consequences - the anxiety/fear etc
6.2.1. Fully face it and feel it
6.2.2. Anxiety
6.2.3. Nerves
6.2.4. I'm not good enough
6.2.5. They will laugh at me
6.3. Push yourself to change this feeling in your gut to a milder feeling - disappointment, irritation
6.3.1. Whats the worst that could happen?
6.3.2. Not good enough - in what way?
6.3.3. If they laugh - why is it my problem?
6.4. What did you do in your head to change those feelings?
6.4.1. YOU PROBABLY argued against your flawed B - Belief systems
6.4.2. Take note of the new belief system
6.4.2.1. I am complete the way I am
6.4.2.2. Rejection is part of life
6.4.2.3. Other's opinion doesn't define me
6.5. Do it again
7. Positive Imagery
7.1. Picture A - an intense negative activating experience
7.1.1. Fear of talking to someone
7.2. Let yourself feel C - the consequences - the anxiety/fear etc
7.2.1. Fully face it and feel it
7.2.2. Anxiety
7.2.3. Nerves
7.2.4. I'm not good enough
7.2.5. They will laugh at me
7.3. Notice what you keep telling yourself at B to feel even worse
7.3.1. What are the irrational beliefs?
7.3.2. I must not be good enough for anyone
7.3.3. Everyone else will make fun of me
7.3.4. I dont deserve them
7.4. Dispute the beliefs
7.4.1. My worth is not measured by a person who doesn't even know me
7.4.2. Its not about deserving - Its about getting what you want
7.5. Visualize yourself as the person who does not hold those beliefs anymore. Intensely picture yourself
7.5.1. Believing in the new empowering beliefs
7.5.2. I walk with confidence
7.5.3. I talk to people with confidence
7.5.4. I don't care of their opinions about me