Abbreviated version

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1. Fun

2. Purposes of marriage

2.1. Spiritual

2.1.1. Truth of Existence Growth Nutrition & nourishment Healing Protection Fulfillment of need Work Survival Rhythm Law of Cause & Effect

2.2. Partnership

2.2.1. Help each other be better people

2.2.2. Support & be supported adhering to your values

2.3. Convenience

2.3.1. Financially convenient

2.3.2. To avoid loneliness

2.3.3. 'Arm Candy'/'Sugar Daddy'

2.3.4. Need for domestic help

2.3.5. Children need parents

2.3.6. Sex will be available

3. Main ingredients

3.1. Commitment to THE MARRIAGE as a valuable structure

3.2. What do you want out of this marriage?

3.3. You can't make a Whole Marriage with broken pieces

3.4. Being Mr./Ms. Wright instead of looking for Mr./Ms. Wright

3.5. What do you bring to the marriage?

3.5.1. Woman Appreciation Assessment

3.5.2. Man Appreciation Assessment

3.6. What are your Expectations and Intentions?

3.7. Can you give and receive communications about these things?

4. Understanding One Another

4.1. Roles of Male Energy

4.1.1. Needs SFULI +2

4.1.2. Responsibilities Electric nature

4.2. Roles of the Female Energy

4.2.1. Needs SFULI +2

4.2.2. Responsibilities Magnetic nature

4.3. Roles of the couple

4.3.1. Are you more effective together or alone?

4.3.2. Are you rowing in the same direction?

5. Love defined

5.1. Attention

5.1.1. Willing to focus mentally, emotionally and physically on the other

5.1.2. No multi-tasking as you look and listen

5.2. Respect

5.2.1. Accept them as they are

5.2.2. Treat them as a person, not an object

5.2.3. Hold off on the desire to change them

5.3. Appreciation

5.3.1. Look for things to like about your partner

5.3.2. This is the opposite of fault-finding and nitpicking

5.3.3. Remember and rekindle what drew you together in the first place

6. Creating harmony & understanding

6.1. Affinity

6.1.1. Desire for physical closeness

6.1.2. Sense of being attracted together

6.2. Reality

6.2.1. Your world view

6.2.2. Your values

6.2.3. How you see yourself with others

6.2.4. Your personality-DISC

6.3. Communication

6.3.1. 0 to10 valuations

6.3.2. Ashtray model

6.3.3. Mirror their highest qualities

6.3.4. 'I' not 'You' statements

6.4. "Fighting fair" to get to win-win

6.5. Your choice: be 'right' or have a relationship

7. Children

7.1. They are aware of what's going on

7.2. Putting their needs ahead of yours

7.3. Have you handled your parent/child issues?

8. Sex

8.1. Attitudes

8.2. Experiences

8.3. Beliefs

8.4. Rules to use

9. Challenges

9.1. Needs

9.1.1. Ego Needs

9.1.2. SFULI + 2

9.1.3. Demands in your life situations

9.2. Family

9.2.1. His

9.2.2. Hers

9.2.3. Ours

9.3. Finances

9.3.1. Attitudes

9.3.2. Saving vs Spending vs Investing vs Giving

9.3.3. Earnings and sharing

9.4. Friends

9.4.1. Time commitments

9.4.2. Type of influences

9.5. Work

9.5.1. Levels of ambition

9.5.2. Another form of marriage for many

9.5.3. These relationships compete with home

9.6. Time investments

9.6.1. What is a valuable use of time?

9.6.2. What is a waste of time?

9.6.3. Family vs work vs leisure vs solitude...

9.7. Balancing your self-interests

9.7.1. Reflecting the importance of others to them

9.7.2. Kindness as a character trait

9.7.3. Compassion

9.7.4. Helping others to grow and feel safe

9.8. Controlling one another

9.8.1. Self-control is the only meaningful control

9.8.2. You, not the other, creates your happiness

9.9. Learned negative behaviors

9.9.1. Just because you learned it doesn't make it right

9.10. Addictions

9.10.1. Addictions indicate a lack of availability, not potential reclamation projects

9.11. Beliefs about self & roles

9.11.1. Are you Equals?

9.11.2. Superior-Inferior roles are not sustainable

9.11.3. Abusive behavior can't be accepted or excused

9.12. Infidelity

9.12.1. This is not 'a moment of weakness', it is a decision

9.12.2. There are no valid excuses

9.12.3. This is betrayal and very serious and harmful

9.12.4. Treason in the military is punished by death

9.13. Out-ethics

9.13.1. Dishonesty anywhere is dishonesty everywhere

9.13.2. Deceitfulness, lying, stealing will come back to haunt

9.14. Sabotaging the partner

9.14.1. Cooperation is key

9.14.2. Competition is destructive

9.14.3. Teamwork not 'me vs you'

9.14.4. Making someone 'little' doesn't make another 'big'

9.15. Betrayal

9.15.1. Potentially soul-breaking, not just heart-breaking

9.15.2. Sharing confidences with others violates boundaries and trust

9.15.3. Loyalty to partner takes strength and courage

9.16. Expectations

9.16.1. Unfulfilled expectations result in upsets and conflicts

10. START HERE: First things first

10.1. Knowing if a marriage can be saved

10.1.1. Have you given it 100%?

10.1.2. Test: Will it ever get better?

10.1.3. Can you put the past behind you?

10.2. Are you willing to change?

10.2.1. Building trust

10.2.2. Building trustworthiness

10.2.3. You can 'be right' or have a relationship

10.2.4. What is your commitment level right now?

10.3. Will you give up control of the other's changing?

10.4. Is it worth the investment in time, effort, and money?

10.5. Who are the casualties right now of this marriage?

10.6. Who are the casualties in the death of this marriage?

10.7. Ending the marriage

11. Why?

11.1. A loving, secure relationship is the foundational unit of a viable society

11.2. It is the basis of healthy people, families, and companies

11.3. You will live longer