1. 1-Sentence-Summary:
1.1. Emotional Intelligence explains the importance of emotions in your life, how they help and hurt your ability to navigate the world, followed by practical advice on how to improve your own emotional intelligence and why that is the key to leading a successful life.
2. Favorite quote from the author:
2.1. "In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels." - Daniel Goleman
3. 3 lessons:
3.1. Emotional intelligence rests on self-awareness and self-regulation.
3.1.1. There are two parts to being emotionally intelligent.
3.1.1.1. One is being emotionally self-aware. It simply means that you’re able to recognize and label your feelings.
3.1.1.2. The second part of the EQ equation is emotional self-regulation.
3.1.1.2.1. As an adult, being able to look at your emotions on a meta-level (thanks to mindfulness, learned from meditation or other self awareness exercises) is crucial in choosing how to react to your feelings – or if you should react at all.
3.1.2. Both of these qualities rely heavily on the neural connections between your rational and emotional brain, which, if severed, can cause serious problems.
3.2. A high EQ makes you healthier and more successful.
3.2.1. IQ, the level of your intelligence, is usually what we think determines success. But Goleman’s research led him to believe that EQ, emotional intelligence, is just as, if not more important, to find happiness.
3.2.1.1. For example, in the world of business and careers, students with higher levels of empathy seem to get better grades, even if their peers are just as smart.
3.2.1.1.1. That’s because they can better manage their feelings – for example being bored, but still doing their homework – and perform better in social settings, like knowing when to speak and when to be quiet in class.
3.2.1.2. Similarly, as you might know from the famous marshmallow experiment, kids who can better discipline themselves at a young age tend to perform better later as well.
3.2.1.3. Plus, managers, who are socially skilled, will have the power to persuade people when they need to and thus do a better job at leading people.
3.2.2. Your health also highly depends on your EQ, because the more you have of it, the better you are able to mitigate stress, which can prevent a lot, if not all, of the most prevalent diseases of our time.
3.3. You can boost your EQ by mirroring other people’s body language and thinking optimistically.
3.3.1. To increase your emotional intelligence:
3.3.1.1. Mirror other people’s body language.
3.3.1.1.1. This will not only help you connect better with the person across the table, it’ll also make you more emotionally self-aware.
3.3.1.1.2. It’s one of those “fake it till you make it” scenarios, which helps you build better habits.
3.3.1.2. Convince yourself that your failures result from things you can change.
3.3.1.2.1. This helps you become an optimist.
3.3.1.2.2. Optimistic people continue to try, because they believe their actions make a difference, and are thus more likely to succeed.
3.3.1.2.3. So the next time something goes wrong, tell yourself: “It’s alright, this is going to pass, it’s just a one-time thing, I’ll improve and get better at this!”