Friendship

An overview of the 7th Principle of Orrin Woodward's book Resolved

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Friendship by Mind Map: Friendship

1. Jesus is our friend and perfect example

1.1. John 15:12-15

1.1.1. We are his friends because he has chosen to disclose everything to us

1.1.1.1. During Jesus' most difficult time; servants fell asleep...

1.1.1.1.1. That is grace

1.1.1.2. He has patience like a good mentor

1.1.2. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

2. Friendship starts with Commonality

2.1. True friendship is developed around mutual passions

2.1.1. There must be something more to the relationship than the relationship. Otherwise change will pull friends in different directions

2.2. Not based on pleasure or utility

2.3. 2 Corinthians 6:14

2.3.1. Don't associate with poor influences

2.3.1.1. Who do you allow to be your mentor/encourager?

2.3.1.1.1. Willing the ultimate good for you

2.3.1.1.2. Clear Foundational Values/Principles

2.3.1.1.3. Fruit on the tree/credibility

2.3.2. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

3. Love

3.1. Agape

3.1.1. Sacrificial love

3.2. eros

3.2.1. Sensual Love

3.3. storga

3.3.1. Familial love

3.4. philia

3.4.1. Brotherly love

3.4.1.1. True friends give the most when they receive the least

3.4.1.2. Love is willing the ultimate good for the other person

4. The importance of friendships

4.1. At the end; our closest relationships are all we will want.

4.1.1. John 21:18 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, When thou wast young, thou girdedst thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not.

4.2. Proverbs 11:14

4.2.1. Many good friends = safety

4.2.2. For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.

4.3. Proverbs 17:17

4.3.1. We need friends during adversity

4.3.2. A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

4.4. Proverbs 19:20

4.4.1. Listen to Mentors

4.4.1.1. Proverbs 24:5

4.4.1.1.1. The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength.

4.4.2. Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

4.4.2.1. intelligence is learning from your own mistakes; wisdom is learning from others

4.5. Proverbs 27:17

4.5.1. Friends help each other

4.5.1.1. CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien

4.5.2. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

5. How to choose your friends

5.1. Proverbs 12:26

5.1.1. The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

5.1.1.1. Choose friends with Virtues

5.2. Proverbs 13:20

5.2.1. Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

5.2.1.1. We are a product of the people we spend time with

5.3. Proverbs 14:6-7

5.3.1. The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, but knowledge comes easily to the discerning. 7 Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips.

5.4. Proverbs 22:24-25

5.4.1. Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

5.4.1.1. Don't be friends with angry people

5.5. Proverbs 18:24

5.5.1. One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

5.5.1.1. Quality over quantity

6. How to treat your friends

6.1. Luke 6:31

6.1.1. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

6.1.1.1. Golden Rule

6.1.1.1.1. Platinum Rule

6.2. Romans 12:10

6.2.1. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

6.2.1.1. Be kind and respectful

6.3. Ephesians 4:29-32

6.3.1. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

6.3.1.1. Forgive each other

6.4. Colossians 3:12-14

6.4.1. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

6.4.1.1. Forgive and serve others

7. Take Away

7.1. Search for and find friends that share your passions/burdens. Always encourage them to be their very best and expect encouragement from them. .

7.2. Matthew 22:39

7.2.1. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

8. C.S. Lewis Quotes on Friendship

8.1. “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

8.2. “Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?”

8.3. “The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.”

9. The three A's

9.1. Acceptance

9.1.1. Love despite human imperfections

9.1.2. We have a common need to fit in

9.1.2.1. Fill this love/belonging need for your friends

9.1.3. Acceptance of who we are is a prerequisite to becoming who we want to be

9.2. Approval

9.2.1. Protect weaknesses

9.2.2. Enhance Strengths

9.2.3. Be a good-finder

9.2.3.1. Look for attributes that you respect

9.2.3.1.1. Don't wait for the funeral to speak the words

9.3. Appreciation

9.3.1. One of the greatest things a true friend can do is help a friend turn up their positive voice; while turning down the negative voice

9.3.2. Encourage, serve and believe in each others' gifts, talents and skills

9.3.3. Proverbs 27:2

9.3.3.1. Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips.

9.3.3.1.1. This is the proper way to speak behind someone's back

9.3.4. Celebrate each others' successes

9.3.4.1. Celebration is how you negate jealousy

10. Friends are...

10.1. Trustworthy

10.1.1. Gossip separates the best of friends

10.1.2. Maintain all confidences shared with unimpeachable honor and self respect

10.1.3. Leviticus 19:16

10.1.3.1. ‘Do not go about spreading slander among your people. “‘Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.

10.1.4. Proverbs 11:13

10.1.4.1. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

10.2. Loyal

10.2.1. Respect and Defend each others' character, reputation and motives as far as truth allows.

10.2.2. Address all misunderstanding promptly and privately

10.2.2.1. This ensures misunderstanding do not fester

10.2.3. Proverbs 27:5-6

10.2.3.1. A mentor is someone who you will tell you the truth and you'll continue to come back for more even if it hurts

10.2.3.2. Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

10.3. Good Listeners

10.3.1. Active listening requires discipline

10.3.2. One of the best gifts you can give someone is your ear

10.3.2.1. Time and Attention are the most valuable things you can give someone

10.3.3. Learn AND care about the hopes, dreams, fears and struggles of each other

10.3.4. Listen with the intent to understand