1. 1. Be Proactive
1.1. What most people do
1.1.1. Stimulus
1.1.1.1. External conditions
1.1.1.2. circumstances
1.1.1.3. Something happens to us
1.1.2. Response
1.1.2.1. Blame circumstances/conditions
1.1.2.2. Act based on feelings
1.2. What WE must do
1.2.1. Stimulus
1.2.2. Freedom to choose
1.2.2.1. Values
1.2.2.1.1. Understand your values
1.2.2.2. Character
1.2.2.3. Will
1.2.2.4. Conscience
1.2.3. Response
1.2.3.1. Chosing your response deliberately
1.3. Reactive v/s PRoactive
1.3.1. REACTIVE
1.3.1.1. Driven by Feelings/circumstances/conditions/envirnment
1.3.2. PROACTIVE
1.3.2.1. Driven by Values and character
1.4. Example - Entrepreneur
1.4.1. STIMULUS: Had a major loss this quarter
1.4.1.1. Reactive Response
1.4.1.1.1. Its not my mistake
1.4.1.1.2. Blame the market
1.4.1.1.3. Blame your staff
1.4.1.1.4. Blame the government regulations
1.4.1.1.5. YOU GET MAD
1.4.1.1.6. You feel angry
1.4.1.2. Proactive Response - call a meeting
1.4.1.2.1. Acknowledge the tough conditions
1.4.1.2.2. Act based on your values of
1.4.1.2.3. Figure out a plan to attack these conditions
1.4.1.2.4. BE
1.4.1.2.5. DO
1.4.1.2.6. We will use this situation to build character
1.5. Circle of concern
1.5.1. All the things you care about
1.5.2. Inside it is a circle of all the things that you can influence
1.5.2.1. Reactive person is unknowingly shrinking that circle of influence
1.5.2.1.1. Worried about not having
1.5.2.1.2. If I had this resource
1.5.2.1.3. I dont have this skill
1.5.2.1.4. I wish I had that
1.5.2.1.5. HAVING is the Key Word
1.5.2.2. Proactive person is constantly growing their circle of influence
1.5.2.2.1. By BEING
1.5.2.2.2. By ACTING
1.5.2.3. Positive thinking v/s Proactive thinking
1.5.2.3.1. Not some feel good mumbo-jumbo
1.5.2.3.2. I realize things are the way they are
1.5.2.3.3. I can take action
1.5.2.3.4. I can influence and change reality
2. 2. Begin with the End in Mind
2.1. Start with a clear understanding of your destination
2.1.1. Visualize your funeral Exercise
2.2. All things are created twice
2.2.1. First in your mind
2.2.2. Then in real life
2.3. By Design or Default
2.3.1. Even though all things are created twice, not everything is by conscious design
2.3.1.1. We are either the 2nd creation of our own design
2.3.1.2. or a creation of others people's agenda/opinions/designs
2.4. Habit 1
2.4.1. You are the creator
2.4.2. You are the programmer
2.5. Habit 2
2.5.1. The first creation
2.5.2. Write the program
2.6. Management v.s leadership
2.6.1. Management is doing things right
2.6.2. Leadership = doing the right things
2.7. Re-scripting: Becoming your own first creator
2.7.1. Develop your own personal mission statement
2.7.1.1. Or philosophy
2.7.1.2. Or creed
2.7.1.3. Focuses on who you want to be (character) and what you want to do (contributions and acheivements)
2.7.1.3.1. And your values and principles
2.7.1.4. Its like your own consitution
2.7.1.4.1. Just like a country's constitution
2.7.2. People cant live with change if there isnt a changeless core inside of them.
2.7.2.1. You must have a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value
2.8. Writing and Using your mission statement
2.8.1. You detect it rather than invent it
2.8.1.1. Not done overnight
2.8.2. It is like the program you need to write to operate yourself
2.8.3. It is your personal consitution
2.8.3.1. Expression of values and vision
2.9. Visualization and Affirmations
2.9.1. A good affirmation has 5 keys
2.9.1.1. Personal
2.9.1.2. Positive
2.9.1.3. Present tense
2.9.1.4. Visual
2.9.1.5. Emotional
2.9.2. Visualize your future and your mission statement
2.9.3. These are tools for programming and we must use them rigorously
3. 3. First Things First
3.1. Habits 1,2,3
3.1.1. Habit 1 = You are the creator
3.1.2. Habit 2 = The Mental Creation
3.1.3. Habit 3 = The Physical Creation
3.2. Being driven by your values and mission to do something
3.2.1. Rather than by willpower or discipline
3.2.2. Having a burning WHY
3.2.2.1. A burning YES
3.3. Problems vs Opportunities
3.3.1. Effective people are opportunity minded
3.3.1.1. They feed opportunities and
3.3.1.2. Starve problems
3.4. FUNDAMENTAL Question:
3.4.1. What one thing could you do in your personal/business life
3.4.1.1. If you did on a regular basis, it would make a gigantic difference in your life
3.5. Why are you not following through?
3.5.1. 1. Unable to prioritize
3.5.2. 2. The desire to work on those priorities
3.5.3. 3. The lack of discipline to execute
3.5.4. Most people would answer #3
3.5.4.1. But the true answer is #2
3.5.4.1.1. You are not clear on your mission, values
3.5.4.1.2. The mission is not burning inside of you yet
3.5.4.1.3. The mission/goal is not in your heart yet
3.5.4.2. Working on improving discipline is like working on the leaves
3.5.4.3. But you have to work on your roots ... the mission, goal, values and desire
3.6. Computer Analogy
3.6.1. Habit 1
3.6.1.1. You are the programmer
3.6.2. Habit 2
3.6.2.1. Write the program
3.6.3. Habit 3
3.6.3.1. Run the program
3.6.4. Most people fail to write the correct program and then keep struggling to fix the running of the program
3.7. The 4 Quadrants
3.8. Exercise
3.8.1. Draw the 4 quadrants
3.8.1.1. Q1
3.8.1.2. Q2
3.8.1.3. Q3
3.8.1.4. Q4
3.8.2. Identify how you are spending most of your time
3.8.3. Plan the next week with just putting in Q2 activities
3.8.4. Review the week
3.8.5. Commit to a weekly schedule of planning and Review
3.8.5.1. My favorite time is Sunday night around 8 PM
3.9. Satisfied needs do not motivate
3.9.1. Physical Survival
3.9.2. Psychological survival
3.9.2.1. Need to be understood, affirmed, validated
4. 4. Think Win-Win
4.1. 4 step process
4.1.1. 1. See the problem from other person's point of view
4.1.2. 2. Identify the key issues and concerns involved
4.1.3. 3. Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution for them and you
4.1.4. 4. Identify possible options to achieve those results
4.2. How to Apply
4.2.1. 1. Make a list of obstacles that keep you from applying WIn/win
4.2.1.1. What can you do within your circle of influence to eliminate some of those blocks?
4.2.2. 2. Select a specific relationship where you would like to develop a win/win
4.2.2.1. Put yourself in the other persons shoes
4.2.2.1.1. Write down explicitly how you think that person sees the solution
4.2.2.2. List out your own perspective
4.2.2.2.1. What results would be a win for you
4.2.2.3. Approach the other person and ask if they would be willing to consider this win win solution
4.2.3. 3. Identify 3 key relationships
4.2.3.1. Write down specific ways in which you could make emotional deposits
5. 5. Seek First to Understand then to be Understood
5.1. How can you appreciate someone if you don't even understand them?
5.2. GREAT PARADOX: In order to influence others, we must be influenced by them
5.2.1. When you truly listen, you become influencable
5.2.2. And being influencable is the key to influencing others
5.3. Empathic Listening
5.3.1. Listening with the intent to understand
5.3.2. Not to agree with them
5.3.3. Key to making emotional bank account deposits
5.3.4. Deeply therapeutic and healing
5.3.4.1. It gives a person psychological air
5.4. Diagnose before you prescribe
5.4.1. An effective sales person first seeks to understand
5.4.2. AN amateur salesman sells products; professional sells solutions to needs/problems
5.5. 4 development stages
5.5.1. 1. Mimic content
5.5.2. 2. Rephrase content
5.5.3. 3. Reflect Feeling
5.5.4. 4. Rephrase content and reflect feelings
5.6. Genuinely seek the welfare of the other person
5.6.1. Genuinely seek to understand
5.7. Its within your circle of influence
6. 6. Synergize
6.1. Synergy = Whole is greater than the sum of its parts
6.2. That which is most personal is most general - Carl Rogers
6.2.1. The more authentic you become, particularly regarding personal experiences and self doubt
6.2.1.1. The more people can relate to you
6.2.1.2. And the safer it makes them feel to express themselves
6.3. Levels of communication
6.3.1. Defensive (win/lose, lose/win)
6.3.2. Respectful (compromise)
6.3.3. Synergistic (win/win)
6.3.3.1. 1+1 is not 2. It could be 8, 16 or even 1000
6.3.3.2. Usually the best solution possible
6.4. Right environment for synergy is created when
6.4.1. There is high emotional bank account
6.4.2. You think win/win
6.4.3. And you seek first to understand
6.5. Value the differences
6.5.1. All people see the world not as it is
6.5.1.1. But as they are
6.5.2. We all look at the world differently
6.5.3. We need to see the world from the other person's point of view
7. 7. Sharpen your saw
7.1. Becoming a better version of yourself
7.2. You come across a person trying to cut down a tree
7.2.1. With a very blunt saw
7.2.2. You say
7.2.2.1. Why don't you sharpen the saw?
7.2.3. He says
7.2.3.1. I don't have the time for it
7.2.4. But the truth is
7.2.4.1. With a blunt saw
7.2.4.1.1. 6 hours
7.2.4.2. With a sharp saw
7.2.4.2.1. 2 hours
7.2.5. Sharpening the saw would only take him
7.2.5.1. 1 hour
7.3. 4 Dimensions of sharpening the saw
7.3.1. 1. Physical
7.3.1.1. Why?
7.3.1.1.1. If you feel tired
7.3.1.1.2. If your body is out of shape
7.3.1.2. 3 Key Areas
7.3.1.2.1. Exercise
7.3.1.2.2. Nutrition
7.3.1.2.3. Sleep
7.3.2. 2. Spiritual
7.3.2.1. Connecting to a Greater purpose and meaning
7.3.2.2. Why?
7.3.2.2.1. Helps you find an internal motivation for your work
7.3.2.2.2. Helps turbocharge your productivity
7.3.2.3. Key Areas
7.3.2.3.1. Values
7.3.2.3.2. Meditation
7.3.2.3.3. Prayer
7.3.3. 3. Mental
7.3.3.1. Why?
7.3.3.1.1. Constantly Sharpen your mental faculties
7.3.3.1.2. So that you can produce maximum results for the time you work
7.3.3.2. Key areas
7.3.3.2.1. Reading
7.3.3.2.2. Learning
7.3.3.2.3. Visualizing
7.3.4. 4. Social/Emotional
7.3.4.1. Service
7.3.4.2. Empathy
7.3.4.3. Synergy
7.3.4.4. Relationships
7.4. Most people
7.4.1. Work day never ends
7.4.1.1. It just keeps going on forever
7.4.1.2. Live a life full of distractions
7.4.1.2.1. Work 16 hours a day but still can't seem to finish their work
7.4.1.3. While working - they are constantly distracted
7.4.1.3.1. Phone
7.4.1.3.2. IM
7.4.1.3.3. Social Media
7.4.1.3.4. Email
7.4.2. Never disconnect completely
7.4.2.1. They wear being "busy" as a badge of honor
7.4.3. They tell themselves:
7.4.3.1. I am so busy
7.4.3.2. I have NO time to sharpen the saw
7.4.4. As a result
7.4.4.1. Never get to sharpen the saw
7.4.4.2. Never get to Live a Full Life
7.5. That was my life
7.5.1. I used to work 16 hours a day
7.5.2. My GF wanted to break up with me
7.5.3. My neck was constantly hurting because of being in front of screens all day
7.6. ACTION Item
7.6.1. Identify specific activities in all 4 areas
7.6.2. Schedule them in your calendar
7.6.3. Review them at end of week
8. Paradigms of Interdependence
8.1. The most important ingredient we put in a relationship?
8.1.1. ?
8.1.1.1. What you say
8.1.2. ?
8.1.2.1. What you do?
8.1.3. ?
8.1.3.1. Who we are
8.2. EMOTIONAL BANK Account
8.2.1. = Amount of trust built up in a relationship
8.2.2. Feeling of safety with the other human being
8.2.3. When the bank account is high
8.2.3.1. Communication is
8.2.3.1.1. Easy
8.2.3.1.2. Instant
8.2.3.1.3. effective
8.2.4. We need to make constant deposits
8.2.4.1. With continuing expectations, old deposits dwindle away
8.2.5. 6 major deposits
8.2.5.1. 1. Understanding the Individual
8.2.5.1.1. The most important deposit you can make
8.2.5.1.2. Whats important to them must be as important to you as the other person is to you
8.2.5.1.3. We tend to project our own needs/wants on others
8.2.5.2. 2. Attending the little things
8.2.5.2.1. We are all very tender and sensitive inside
8.2.5.2.2. NO matter how old or young or beautiful or ugly
8.2.5.3. 3. Keeping commitments
8.2.5.3.1. Keeping commitment
8.2.5.3.2. Not keeping your promise
8.2.5.4. 4. Clarifying Expectations
8.2.5.4.1. Clarify the roles and goals
8.2.5.4.2. Ambiguities create relationship problems
8.2.5.4.3. In a new situation - get all expectations out on the table
8.2.5.4.4. It takes a great deal of courage
8.2.5.5. 5. Showing personal integrity
8.2.5.5.1. Be loyal to those who are not present
8.2.5.6. 6. Apologizing sincerely when you do wrong