[S] Confidence Gap - Russ Harris

1. Confidence comes after

1.1. 2 definitions of confidence

1.1.1. The feeling

1.1.2. The Action

1.1.2.1. Confidence comes from Latin

1.1.2.1.1. - Con = with

1.1.2.1.2. - Fidere = trust

1.1.2.1.3. To Act with Trust

1.2. Confidence Requires Action

1.3. Confidence gap= Waiting for the feeling of confidence in order to take action

1.4. Nelson Mandela

1.4.1. I had fear

1.4.2. I acted with confidence despite the fear

1.4.3. In face of fear, he took action

2. Core of problems is FEAR:

2.1. Fusion with your thoughts/feelings

2.2. Evaluation of experience as bad or negative

2.3. Avoidance of experience

2.4. Reason-giving for our behavior instead of taking action

3. ACT: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

3.1. 3 Steps

3.1.1. Accept your feelings/emotions

3.1.2. Choose a direction in alignment with your values

3.1.3. Take action

3.2. Not about trying to change thoughts, but instead taking action

3.2.1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is about changing thoughts that lead to emotions

3.2.1.1. Recommended reading/videos/mindmaps

3.2.1.1.1. Feeling Good - Dr David Burns

3.2.1.1.2. When Panic Attacks

3.3. Exercise: Steps to attack any area of life

3.3.1. - Identify values

3.3.2. - Pick an area of life

3.3.2.1. - Identify goals

3.3.2.2. - Specify actions

3.3.2.2.1. Aligned with values

3.3.2.3. Take Action in alignment with values

4. When the Goal seems Impossible

4.1. Joe Simpson's 1985 climbing expedition

4.1.1. Ice Climbing

4.1.2. Peruvian Andes

4.2. Joe Fell through a crevasse

4.2.1. Climbing partner thought Joe could NOT have survived the fall

4.2.1.1. He cut off the rope connecting the two of them

4.2.1.2. Left him for dead

4.2.2. Joe miraculously was alive

4.2.2.1. His right leg was shattered

4.2.3. Most climbers would have given up and died

4.2.3.1. No hope of surviving in cold, icy, unforgiving conditions on a mountain

4.2.3.2. No help in sight

4.2.3.3. Broken Leg

4.2.3.3.1. Not even able to stand up/walk

4.3. Dragged himself down the icy mountains...... on icy terrain for 60 hours

4.3.1. Along the foot prints of his partner

4.3.2. Passing out numerous times because of

4.3.2.1. Excruciating Pain

4.3.2.2. Exhaustion

4.3.3. Loosing 42 lbs in 3 days

4.3.3.1. Made it back to the basecamp

4.4. How?

4.4.1. He had a stopwatch

4.4.1.1. Set his countdown timer for 20 mins

4.4.1.2. Gave himself a target to get to... in the distance

4.4.2. He would crawl all the way to the target for 20 mins

4.4.2.1. Often passing out because of pain from the shattered leg

4.4.2.2. Often failing at meeting his goal

4.4.2.3. Feeling delirious at times

4.4.3. Made it a game for himself

4.4.3.1. Kept on setting 20 min goals

4.4.3.2. Kept on moving

4.5. Lesson: When the goal seems impossible

4.5.1. Break your seemingly impossible goal down into small, measurable, achievable chunks

4.5.1.1. Make it a game for yourself

4.5.1.2. Take action

4.5.1.3. Even if you fail again and again

4.5.2. Focus on WHAT you CAN DO

4.5.2.1. Let go of what you can not control/improve on

4.5.2.1.1. The harsh conditions

4.5.2.1.2. The unforgiving environment

4.5.2.1.3. The brutal cold

4.5.2.1.4. The shattered leg

4.5.2.1.5. Unable to walk

4.5.3. We might fail

4.5.3.1. But we rise again

4.5.3.2. We try again and again

4.5.4. Every step counts

4.5.4.1. Take one more step towards your goal

4.5.5. Take action guided by your values not feelings

4.5.5.1. Feeling

4.5.5.1.1. Disheartened

4.5.5.1.2. There is no way I will survive this mountain

4.5.5.2. Value

4.5.5.2.1. Courage

4.5.5.2.2. Lets keep doing the work

4.5.6. Related Reading: Executive Toughness - Jason Selk

4.5.6.1. Relentless Solution Focus

4.5.6.2. +1

4.5.6.2.1. Relentlessly focus on the solution

4.5.6.2.2. Focus on finding and executing that little improvement

4.5.6.2.3. It's always there

5. Acting inline with our values

5.1. Also discussed in 7 Habits of Highly effective people

5.1.1. Habit 1 = Be proactive

5.1.1.1. Act in alignment with your values

5.1.1.2. Dont act according to your feelings or circumstances

5.2. Values are the ultimate guideline

5.3. You must identify your most fundamental values

5.3.1. Success = living true to your values

5.3.2. What's the smallest thing I can do that is in alignment with my values

5.4. Recommended Reading, Videos and Mindmaps

5.4.1. Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal

6. Experiential avoidance (EA)

6.1. Avoiding thoughts and feelings, even when doing so creates harm in the long-run

6.2. Avoiding action that will lead to short term discomfort

6.2.1. Even if that action could lead to long-term fulfillment

6.3. Basing actions on how we feel

6.3.1. Not what is important

7. Is this thought Helping me?

7.1. Irrespective of how true/false they might be

7.2. Will this thought allow me to live the life of my dreams?

8. De-Fuse from your Thoughts/Feelings

8.1. We must Take right action in spite of our feelings

8.1.1. Recommended reading: 7 Habits of Highly effective people. Habit 1

8.1.1.1. Habit 1 = Be proactive

8.1.1.1.1. Act in alignment with our values and principles. Not feelings

8.2. STOICISM

8.3. We must be able to

8.3.1. Handle our thoughts and feelings

8.3.2. View our thoughts and feeling from a distance

8.4. How to separate yourself from your thoughts

8.4.1. Meta-Cognition

8.4.1.1. Instead of "I'm thinking that "

8.4.1.2. "I notice that I'm thinking that ...."

8.4.1.3. The layer of awareness beyond your thoughts

8.4.1.4. The most potent way to develop this faculty of meta-cognition is through mindfulness meditation

8.4.2. NLP

8.4.2.1. Use different techniques to distort the thought so that it feels comical

8.4.2.1.1. Sing it

8.4.2.1.2. Silly voices

8.4.3. Quiet your mind

8.4.3.1. Also discussed in "Self-Esteem" by McKay, Fanning

9. ABC of Harnessing the power of negative feelings

9.1. You can use the negative feeling or get thrown around by it

9.2. ABC of fear

9.2.1. - Accept it

9.2.2. - Be a friend to it

9.2.2.1. It is here to help you

9.2.3. Channel the stress/excitement for peak performance

9.2.3.1. Also Talked in Buddha's brain

9.3. Recommended reading, Videos, mindmaps:

9.3.1. Upside of your dark side by Todd Kashdan