1. The man's insane!
1.1. And he got that way by drinking radium tea.
1.2. They say he hit his head when he fell all the way from the surface and somehow survived
1.3. He went mad after murdering his daughter.
2. He's not who he seems to be
2.1. He's really a Master
2.1.1. He talks to them all the time! (Even when they're not there ...)
2.2. He's actually a little old lady.
2.2.1. He /is/ the grandmother he keeps talking about.
2.3. He's a mechanical man operated by rats
2.3.1. and that's why he'd really rather not be touched
2.3.2. those goggles are his eyes
2.3.3. It's actually that bird that's with him that operates the man-suit
2.4. he and his crow have switched bodies
3. He's really rather sweet!
3.1. It's because he's really full of sweets
3.1.1. sweets and /rats/
3.1.2. he's a human brain in a piñata body!
3.2. He gives people cake to lull them into a false sense of security
3.2.1. and then he stabs them with a cake knife
3.2.2. You don't want to know what's in that cake.
3.2.3. But at least its a chocolate cake, so I suppose it's alright.
3.2.4. and the cake is really tasty
3.2.4.1. but never ask for a second slice
3.2.4.1.1. It's one of those weird Fae rules - just don't do it
3.2.5. but someone left the cake out in the rain
3.2.5.1. and he'll never have that recipe again
4. His lovers include ...
4.1. I can't do this. I just can't do this. There is no just and loving god. They are coming. They are coming--
4.2. His only romance is that bird of his, and it's the most tragic love story of the 'Neath that they can never fully realize their love
4.3. His wife. Yes, someone married this weirdo.
4.4. the Cyclopean Seamstress -- those bar brawls are foreplay.
5. His family is... odd.
5.1. He's got a wife back home
5.1.1. She's a badger.
5.1.2. She's a bobcat.
5.2. He had a daughter, once.
5.2.1. She was killed by something Unhygienic.
5.2.2. The Mistress of the Crimson Ring is his daughter.
5.3. They're not real - he just thinks they are.
5.4. His Aunt tried to kill Sir John MacDonald. Twice.
5.4.1. It wasn't his aunt, it was his mother, and she didn't try to kill him, they were lovers and Izzy's their bastard son.
5.5. His grandmother owns all of Brazil.
5.6. That bird with him is actually his brother, cursed
5.7. His grandfather was a mercenary.
6. He can travel silently, without actually walking
6.1. He's like a reverse 'speak of the devil'; the moment you stop thinking of him, there he is!
6.1.1. Or as soon as you realize you'd rather he wasn't there, there he is.
6.2. It's an ancient gypsy curse in his bloodline
6.3. But he can only do it if he's perfectly clean
6.4. he can project astrally, and travel through the dreams of others
6.4.1. no, THIS is why he's as mad as he is -- the things he's seen!