Active listening

1. Don’t start planning what to say next

1.1. You can’t listen and prepare at the same time

2. Show that you’re listening

2.1. Nod your head and smile

2.2. Make small noises like “yes” and “uh huh”

2.3. Don’t look at your watch or play with your hair or fingernails.

3. Ask questions

3.1. Asking relevant questions can show that you’ve been listening

3.2. Say someting to make sure you understood it right

3.3. Use open questions where you can

4. Stay focused

4.1. Try repeating their words in your head as they say them - it will help to concentrate

4.2. Try to shut out distractions

4.3. Definitely don’t look at your phone

5. Face the speaker and make eye contact

5.1. Breaking eye contact every five seconds or so

5.2. Look at one eye for five seconds, then another eye for five seconds, then switch to looking at their mouth

5.3. Check your posture and make sure it’s open

5.4. Avoid crossed arms or crossed legs

6. Don’t interrupt

6.1. Being interrupted is frustrating for the other person

6.2. Remember, a pause or a few seconds of silence doesn’t mean that you have to jump in.

7. Paraphrase and summarise

7.1. This may seem awkward at first, but really shows you’ve been paying attention

7.2. If you’re not sure how to do this, try starting a sentence with: "Sounds like you are saying…”

8. Don’t impose your opinions or solutions

8.1. Supportive ear can be much more rewarding than telling someone what they should do.

8.2. Most people prefer to come to their own solutions

8.3. If you really must share your brilliant solution, ask first if they want to hear it