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Relationships by Mind Map: Relationships

1. Self

1.1. I'm OK, You're OK

1.1.1. I'm OK Talk yourself up Diary of things done well Focus on solutions Focus on what I can do well Do what you do best 5 places at my best Spend more time there Hear the praise Minimise the rubbish Negative experiences are temporary

1.1.2. You're OK Alternative, positive explanation Look for the good Be patient Lower your expectations

1.2. Self-regulation

1.2.1. Go to the gym

1.2.2. Meditate

1.2.3. Jam tomorrow Visualise the negative consequences

1.2.4. Think of the positive alternative

1.3. Empathy

1.3.1. Read fiction

1.3.2. Meta Mirror My view Their view Neutral view

1.4. Shy to shine

1.4.1. 3 types Situational When does it happen? Minimise importance Convert negative to positive Transitional It's just a phase Pervasive Conversation cards Accept the discomfort

1.4.2. Why? Need control Try something new Lack of trust One revelation at a time Tongue tied Be yourself, don't care My fault Concentrate on what is actually happening

1.4.3. Lose the fear

2. Beginning

2.1. Listening

2.1.1. How Focus Facts Questions The unsaid

2.1.2. Types Generous Empathetic Critical Solution

2.2. Charisma

2.2.1. Hope

2.2.2. Passion

2.2.3. Connection

2.2.4. Concentration

2.2.5. Impact words Emotion Physical Descriptive

2.2.6. Be generous

2.2.7. Remember when

2.2.8. Story time Protagonist Hero Predicament A challenging situation Narrative Outcome Surprise Put person at the centre

3. Conflict

3.1. How we deal with it

3.1.1. Compete

3.1.2. Accomodate

3.1.3. Avoid

3.1.4. Compromise

3.1.5. Collaborate

3.2. Poisons

3.2.1. I know you You're being ridiculous Ask how they feel Use I statements Agree

3.2.2. Universalisation You always know best Focus on the details

3.2.3. Labelling Name calling Stay positive Use invisible shield

3.2.4. Defensiveness Focus on solutions

3.2.5. Interrupt Swallow or take deep breath

3.3. Negotiation

3.3.1. What matters? 5 whys

3.3.2. Talk their language

3.3.3. BATNA

3.3.4. Set a deadline

3.3.5. Ask questions

3.3.6. Start with no

3.3.7. Appear unthreatening

3.4. Sorry

3.4.1. When not to Bad behaviour Issue more important than relationship We're not to blame Legal

3.4.2. How Be specific Explain why Explain how it won't happen again Make amends Give it time

3.5. Dialogue

3.5.1. Focus on what everyone wants

3.5.2. Right frame of mind

3.5.3. Share story and facts

3.5.4. Remain even minded

3.5.5. Plan of action

4. Change

4.1. Roles

4.1.1. Persecutor Look what you've done How do I put it right?

4.1.2. Victim What do I do now? What options have you got?

4.1.3. Rescuer Let me do that for you What's your advice?

4.2. Exit

4.2.1. Is the relationship any good?

4.2.2. Is the other person the problem?

4.2.3. Confrontation

4.2.4. Support

4.2.5. Recovery

4.3. New beginnings

4.3.1. New eyes

4.3.2. Think of 10 ways to respond

4.3.3. Set a goal

4.3.4. Prepare Retreat Sanitise Repair

4.3.5. Daily nudge What have I done to improve a relationship? What worked well? Which relationship do I most want to improve? What can I do to improve it?

4.3.6. Improve security See the best in people

4.4. Difficult people

4.4.1. The Dumper Planning meetings Describe ideal output Build slack in Compromise

4.4.2. Stress cadet They are in control Minimise gravity of situation Focus on what can be done

4.4.3. The Jackboot Listen Match then slow down Focus on current solution

4.4.4. The bullshitter Check other sources Keep records Be clear about consequences Track performance

4.4.5. Mr Shy Make it safe Find the right communication mechanism Give them a role Reward confidence

4.4.6. Control freak Agree role beforehand Pre-empt interference Focus the discussion

4.4.7. Charmer Avoid small talk Ask them to set deadline Make it public Ask tough questions

4.4.8. Know it all Value them Invite contributions from others

4.4.9. Cyborg Uncover their enthusiasm Still involve them

4.4.10. The Sceptic Late the root Find common ground

5. Maintain

5.1. Trust

5.1.1. Sensible Responsive Answer phone and email quickly Keep updated Ask for knowledge Reliable Commit and deliver No mistakes Make an impact Credible Anticipate the future Ask sensible questions

5.1.2. Sensitive Social nous Empathy Intimacy Love maps

5.1.3. Teams Rituals

5.2. Bids

5.2.1. Types Towards Positive Nearly passive Low energy Attentive High energy Against Negative Avoid Away from Ignore Avoid

5.2.2. Healthy relationships 5:1 positive:negative