1. Self
1.1. I'm OK, You're OK
1.1.1. I'm OK
1.1.1.1. Talk yourself up
1.1.1.1.1. Diary of things done well
1.1.1.2. Focus on solutions
1.1.1.2.1. Focus on what I can do well
1.1.1.3. Do what you do best
1.1.1.3.1. 5 places at my best
1.1.1.3.2. Spend more time there
1.1.1.4. Hear the praise
1.1.1.5. Minimise the rubbish
1.1.1.5.1. Negative experiences are temporary
1.1.2. You're OK
1.1.2.1. Alternative, positive explanation
1.1.2.2. Look for the good
1.1.2.3. Be patient
1.1.2.4. Lower your expectations
1.2. Self-regulation
1.2.1. Go to the gym
1.2.2. Meditate
1.2.3. Jam tomorrow
1.2.3.1. Visualise the negative consequences
1.2.4. Think of the positive alternative
1.3. Empathy
1.3.1. Read fiction
1.3.2. Meta Mirror
1.3.2.1. My view
1.3.2.2. Their view
1.3.2.3. Neutral view
1.4. Shy to shine
1.4.1. 3 types
1.4.1.1. Situational
1.4.1.1.1. When does it happen?
1.4.1.1.2. Minimise importance
1.4.1.1.3. Convert negative to positive
1.4.1.2. Transitional
1.4.1.2.1. It's just a phase
1.4.1.3. Pervasive
1.4.1.3.1. Conversation cards
1.4.1.3.2. Accept the discomfort
1.4.2. Why?
1.4.2.1. Need control
1.4.2.1.1. Try something new
1.4.2.2. Lack of trust
1.4.2.2.1. One revelation at a time
1.4.2.3. Tongue tied
1.4.2.3.1. Be yourself, don't care
1.4.2.4. My fault
1.4.2.4.1. Concentrate on what is actually happening
1.4.3. Lose the fear
2. Beginning
2.1. Listening
2.1.1. How
2.1.1.1. Focus
2.1.1.2. Facts
2.1.1.3. Questions
2.1.1.4. The unsaid
2.1.2. Types
2.1.2.1. Generous
2.1.2.2. Empathetic
2.1.2.3. Critical
2.1.2.4. Solution
2.2. Charisma
2.2.1. Hope
2.2.2. Passion
2.2.3. Connection
2.2.4. Concentration
2.2.5. Impact words
2.2.5.1. Emotion
2.2.5.2. Physical
2.2.5.3. Descriptive
2.2.6. Be generous
2.2.7. Remember when
2.2.8. Story time
2.2.8.1. Protagonist
2.2.8.1.1. Hero
2.2.8.2. Predicament
2.2.8.2.1. A challenging situation
2.2.8.3. Narrative
2.2.8.4. Outcome
2.2.8.5. Surprise
2.2.8.6. Put person at the centre
3. Conflict
3.1. How we deal with it
3.1.1. Compete
3.1.2. Accomodate
3.1.3. Avoid
3.1.4. Compromise
3.1.5. Collaborate
3.2. Poisons
3.2.1. I know you
3.2.1.1. You're being ridiculous
3.2.1.2. Ask how they feel
3.2.1.3. Use I statements
3.2.1.4. Agree
3.2.2. Universalisation
3.2.2.1. You always know best
3.2.2.2. Focus on the details
3.2.3. Labelling
3.2.3.1. Name calling
3.2.3.2. Stay positive
3.2.3.3. Use invisible shield
3.2.4. Defensiveness
3.2.4.1. Focus on solutions
3.2.5. Interrupt
3.2.5.1. Swallow or take deep breath
3.3. Negotiation
3.3.1. What matters?
3.3.1.1. 5 whys
3.3.2. Talk their language
3.3.3. BATNA
3.3.4. Set a deadline
3.3.5. Ask questions
3.3.6. Start with no
3.3.7. Appear unthreatening
3.4. Sorry
3.4.1. When not to
3.4.1.1. Bad behaviour
3.4.1.2. Issue more important than relationship
3.4.1.3. We're not to blame
3.4.1.4. Legal
3.4.2. How
3.4.2.1. Be specific
3.4.2.2. Explain why
3.4.2.3. Explain how it won't happen again
3.4.2.4. Make amends
3.4.2.5. Give it time
3.5. Dialogue
3.5.1. Focus on what everyone wants
3.5.2. Right frame of mind
3.5.3. Share story and facts
3.5.4. Remain even minded
3.5.5. Plan of action
4. Change
4.1. Roles
4.1.1. Persecutor
4.1.1.1. Look what you've done
4.1.1.2. How do I put it right?
4.1.2. Victim
4.1.2.1. What do I do now?
4.1.2.2. What options have you got?
4.1.3. Rescuer
4.1.3.1. Let me do that for you
4.1.3.2. What's your advice?
4.2. Exit
4.2.1. Is the relationship any good?
4.2.2. Is the other person the problem?
4.2.3. Confrontation
4.2.4. Support
4.2.5. Recovery
4.3. New beginnings
4.3.1. New eyes
4.3.2. Think of 10 ways to respond
4.3.3. Set a goal
4.3.4. Prepare
4.3.4.1. Retreat
4.3.4.2. Sanitise
4.3.4.3. Repair
4.3.5. Daily nudge
4.3.5.1. What have I done to improve a relationship?
4.3.5.2. What worked well?
4.3.5.3. Which relationship do I most want to improve?
4.3.5.4. What can I do to improve it?
4.3.6. Improve security
4.3.6.1. See the best in people
4.4. Difficult people
4.4.1. The Dumper
4.4.1.1. Planning meetings
4.4.1.2. Describe ideal output
4.4.1.3. Build slack in
4.4.1.4. Compromise
4.4.2. Stress cadet
4.4.2.1. They are in control
4.4.2.2. Minimise gravity of situation
4.4.2.3. Focus on what can be done
4.4.3. The Jackboot
4.4.3.1. Listen
4.4.3.2. Match then slow down
4.4.3.3. Focus on current solution
4.4.4. The bullshitter
4.4.4.1. Check other sources
4.4.4.2. Keep records
4.4.4.3. Be clear about consequences
4.4.4.4. Track performance
4.4.5. Mr Shy
4.4.5.1. Make it safe
4.4.5.2. Find the right communication mechanism
4.4.5.3. Give them a role
4.4.5.4. Reward confidence
4.4.6. Control freak
4.4.6.1. Agree role beforehand
4.4.6.2. Pre-empt interference
4.4.6.3. Focus the discussion
4.4.7. Charmer
4.4.7.1. Avoid small talk
4.4.7.2. Ask them to set deadline
4.4.7.3. Make it public
4.4.7.4. Ask tough questions
4.4.8. Know it all
4.4.8.1. Value them
4.4.8.2. Invite contributions from others
4.4.9. Cyborg
4.4.9.1. Uncover their enthusiasm
4.4.9.2. Still involve them
4.4.10. The Sceptic
4.4.10.1. Late the root
4.4.10.2. Find common ground
5. Maintain
5.1. Trust
5.1.1. Sensible
5.1.1.1. Responsive
5.1.1.1.1. Answer phone and email quickly
5.1.1.1.2. Keep updated
5.1.1.1.3. Ask for knowledge
5.1.1.2. Reliable
5.1.1.2.1. Commit and deliver
5.1.1.2.2. No mistakes
5.1.1.2.3. Make an impact
5.1.1.3. Credible
5.1.1.3.1. Anticipate the future
5.1.1.3.2. Ask sensible questions
5.1.2. Sensitive
5.1.2.1. Social nous
5.1.2.2. Empathy
5.1.2.3. Intimacy
5.1.2.3.1. Love maps
5.1.3. Teams
5.1.3.1. Rituals
5.2. Bids
5.2.1. Types
5.2.1.1. Towards
5.2.1.1.1. Positive
5.2.1.1.2. Nearly passive
5.2.1.1.3. Low energy
5.2.1.1.4. Attentive
5.2.1.1.5. High energy
5.2.1.2. Against
5.2.1.2.1. Negative
5.2.1.2.2. Avoid
5.2.1.3. Away from
5.2.1.3.1. Ignore
5.2.1.3.2. Avoid
5.2.2. Healthy relationships
5.2.2.1. 5:1 positive:negative