1. 1-Sentence-Summary:
1.1. The Four Agreements draws on the long tradition of the Toltecs, an ancient, indigenous people of Mexico, to show you that we have been domesticated from childhood, how these internal, guiding rules hurt us and what we can do to break and replace them with a new set of agreements with ourselves.
2. Favorite quote from the author:
2.1. "Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive - the risk to be alive and express what we really are..." - Don Miguel Ruiz
3. Four guiding principles to live by:
3.1. Be impeccable with your word.
3.2. Don’t take anything personally.
3.3. Don’t make assumptions.
3.4. Always do your best.
4. 3 lessons:
4.1. We’re domesticated from a young age and it leaves us living by a set of rules we haven’t chosen ourselves.
4.1.1. There are a lot of elements of our lives we don’t choose or have control over. Don Miguel Ruiz calls the sum of these “domestication.” It’s a process that starts the day we’re born.
4.1.2. Parents, peers, teachers, religion, all these influences instill a set of rules in us. As children, we have no power over them. We’re rewarded when we do good and punished when we step out of line.
4.1.2.1. Compound this for almost two decades and you become someone who’s chasing brownie points, afraid of rejection and not questioning society’s rules.
4.1.3. The worst thing about this collective dream, as Ruiz labels it, is that eventually, we’re so domesticated we continue to do it ourselves.
4.1.4. How do you break out of this cycle? With a new set of agreements!
4.2. What people say and do to you is a reflection on them, not you. Know who you are and you won’t take things personally.
4.2.1. When someone calls you ugly, it says a whole lot more about them and their problems than about you. Whatever issues they’re dealing with has led them to take their frustration out on you.
4.2.2. No matter whether it’s true or not, when you take it personally, you have to acknowledge it and that means – to some extent – believing it. So you should never ever take anything personally.
4.2.3. The only way to really make this a habit is to become very, very self-aware. Knowing deep down who you are, what your truth is and that you’re good enough allows you to stop seeking validation and acceptance.
4.3. There are three ways to break your old agreements and live with new ones you choose yourself.
4.3.1. Start noticing the beliefs you have, which are based on fear and make you unhappy.
4.3.2. Learn to forgive the people who hurt you, most of all yourself.
4.3.3. Remember that each day could be your last to stay in the present.