1. 1-Sentence-Summary:
1.1. The Courage To Be Disliked is a Japanese analysis of the work of 19th-century psychologist Alfred Adler, who established that happiness lies in the hands of each human individual and does not depend on past traumas.
2. Favorite quote from the author:
2.1. "The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness." - Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
3. 3 lessons:
3.1. One of our most dangerous beliefs is that our past determines our future.
3.1.1. While we form a style of life early on, whether that’s being an optimist or a pessimist, for example, this isn't a fixed point of our character. We can change who we are in any given moment.
3.1.2. What’s done is done. You have to believe that something different can happen in order to break old patterns. And you can choose that new outlook at any time.
3.2. If you focus on what’s wrong with you, you might be looking for reasons to hate yourself on purpose.
3.2.1. Objective inferiorities are those we can measure and confirm, like being shorter than someone else or having less money. Subjective inferiorities, however, are often entirely made up.
3.2.2. Some people come up up with reasons to hate themselves in order to seek isolation from others and, thus, avoid getting hurt. Their loneliness is often the cause of misery, not the effect of any actual shortcomings.
3.2.3. The only inferiorities we have to actively deal with are the objective ones, and only if they really hinder us in reaching our goals. But the subjective ones aren’t even there, so be sure to probe them before you deem yourself unworthy.
3.2.4. One wonderful antidote to this problem is, as author Kamal Ravikant puts it, to Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.
3.3. Most of what we think of as competition is just made up and hurting our happiness.
3.3.1. Competitive societies are detrimental to our mental health and well-being.
3.3.2. If you believe in order to be happy, you need to come out on top of some game, like earning money, getting likes, or having friends, you’ll be sad and stressed either way. The losers feel bad for losing, the winners constantly worry about their success.
3.3.3. Be courageous. Once you let go of a narrow, competitive mindset and embrace abundance, you’ll never feel like anyone is holding you back. After all, there’s enough to go around for everyone and as long as you work on yourself, you can achieve anything you want!