1. 1-Sentence-Summary:
1.1. Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother opens your eyes to the potential benefits of tough love by sharing the traditionally Chinese parenting style and experiences of Amy Chua.
2. Favorite quote from the author:
2.1. "Nothing is fun until you're good at it." - Amy Chua
3. 3 lessons:
3.1. If you want to prepare your kids for the future, teach them to work hard and not give up easily.
3.1.1. It might be easy when you see your kid struggling with a task to label it a weakness and let it go.
3.1.2. But for Chinese parents this is unacceptable.
3.1.3. They know that their children’s mindset is changeable and will turn their kid’s weaknesses into strengths.
3.1.3.1. In their minds, one of the best experiences for children is to see that they can improve at things they are bad at.
3.1.4. Westerners typically have a difficult time with anything that might harm a child’s self-esteem.
3.1.4.1. They might, for example, not let the kid play a game that they might lose.
3.1.5. Chinese parents, on the other hand, instill the valuable lesson that it’s important to persist even when things aren’t easy.
3.1.5.1. An example:
3.2. Westerners may have a difficult time understanding Chinese parent’s philosophies on fun and happiness but they can learn a lot from them.
3.2.1. The author, even with strict parents, remembers being very happy as a child.
3.2.2. In the minds of Chinese parents, enjoyment only comes after you get proficient at something.
3.2.2.1. To get to that point you have to put in a lot of hours practicing.
3.2.2.2. Although most kids would rather quit, Tiger Moms will force them to persevere until it gets fun.
3.2.2.3. An example:
3.2.3. It’s a curious thing when you consider the incredible pressure that Chinese parents put on their kids how the children can still be happy.
3.2.3.1. And yet most of the time their children do say they experience a great deal of joy.
3.2.4. In the mind of the author, many Western families struggle even though they’re less strict and do focus on happiness.
3.2.4.1. You might even say that you don’t need to prioritize happiness if you want your kids to have it!
3.3. There are many benefits to the harsh-sounding Chinese child-rearing mentalities.
3.3.1. Making your kid sit down to practice the piano just for an hour sounds intense to us Western parents.
3.3.1.1. But the Chinese don’t have a problem with being hard on their kids. To them, that first hour is just a warmup.
3.3.2. They’re also far more direct with their kids.
3.3.2.1. A phrase like “Hey fatso, you need to lose weight” wouldn’t be uncommon for a Chinese parent to say to their kids.
3.3.2.2. In the Western world, we try to tiptoe around the issue by just talking about general health.
3.3.3. The question you’re probably wondering is what impact this kind of direct behavior has on the child’s self-esteem or health.
3.3.3.1. If you think about it, plenty of children with parents who are easier on them still have weight issues.
3.3.3.2. Wouldn’t that make their self-esteem worse than a parent being direct about their weight?
3.3.4. It’s also common to hear of strictness in academics.
3.3.4.1. The author requires her daughters to get As in all of their classes.
3.3.4.2. For the rest of us it might seem like encouraging our kids to do their best is better, but what are the outcomes of this?
3.3.4.3. In the case of requiring only top grades, Chua knows what her daughters can accomplish.
3.3.4.4. She’ll tell them just what she’s thinking without trying to sugar coat it.
3.3.4.5. This habit makes it so she never has to try to tell herself she’s disappointed in them.