11 Things Socially Aware People Don’t Say

1. 1. “I told you so.”

1.1. People don’t like to be reminded when they made a bad decision.

1.2. They don’t like to be reminded they could have avoided a massive headache if they had only listened to you.

1.3. Instead let them know you’re sorry about how things turned out.

1.4. Our job isn’t to always make other people feel better — sometimes it’s simply not to make them feel worse.

2. 2. “I know how you feel.”

2.1. We all experience things differently.

2.2. It might end up pissing them off

2.3. Listen to them and let them feel your presence.

3. 3. “Good luck with that.”

3.1. When someone shares their hopes with you, they aren’t necessarily looking for your approval. They are looking for your support.

3.2. Instead of saying “Good luck,” try “They’d be lucky to have you,” or “You’ve put in the work.”

4. 4. “It’s not my fault.”

4.1. The next time something goes wrong, even it if wasn’t entirely your fault, reduce the damage by accepting responsibility.

4.2. As long as you aren’t someone who is constantly screwing up, owning the mistake, can build trust.

5. 5. “It’s all in your head.”

5.1. They imply that what the person is experiencing isn’t real or that they are imagining it.

5.2. People almost always have a good reason for being upset, afraid, angry, or stressed.

5.3. And when you say, “It’s all in your head,” you invalidate them.

5.4. Be more empathetic by trying to understand why they feel the way they do — regardless if it makes sense to you or not.

6. 6. “That was stupid.”

6.1. People say this in a lot of other ways like “Why did you do that?” or “What were you thinking?”

6.2. Comments like these pour salt on a still bleeding wound

6.3. They also put people on the immediate defensive and makes them more cautious of betting on themselves in the future.

6.4. Say “I’m curious,” followed by a less judgemental question — “What did your thought process look like?”

6.5. Or simply ask them what they learned from the experience and what they would have done differently.

7. 7. “You always” or “You Never”

7.1. They put people on the defensive: “You never clean up.” “You always side with your parents.” “You never listen to me.”

7.2. Say something like: “I’m not sure you realize you’re doing this so often but staring at your phone while I’m talking to you doesn’t make me feel too great.”

8. 8. “Everything happens for a reason.”

8.1. We may be trying to cheer them up and encourage them to look for a silver lining.

8.2. Instead of trying to lift them up, however, when they are in need of a shoulder, just let them lean on you.

8.3. Few things feel better than the support of a friend.

9. 9. “As I said before.”

9.1. It’s still condescending, no matter how nice your tone is

9.2. Try instead to rephrase your words or just go ahead and repeat yourself.

9.3. It could be that people didn’t hear you the first time, or you didn’t communicate as well as you thought you may have.

10. 10. “With all due respect.”

10.1. Similar phrases: “No offense, but” or “I probably shouldn’t say this,”

10.2. These phrases are a massive signpost to people that they are about to get criticized.

10.3. Just come out and say what the problem is without leading with those phrases

10.4. People may not love it at the moment, but it can build trust in the long-run.

10.5. We all need people who have the courage to give it to us straight.

10.6. Phrases like “Your presentation still needs work,” might be a better option

11. 11. “Whatever.”

11.1. When someone asks you something and you say "Whatever", it's dismissive and makes them feel like you don’t care.

11.2. Instead say: “What about X?”, “Have you thought about Y?” or simply something like “I want pizza.”