1. 1-Sentence-Summary:
1.1. A Beginner’s Guide To The End is your guide to using the principles of stillness, cleaning, and grief to prepare for your own or a loved one’s death.
2. Favorite quote from the author:
2.1. "There is nothing wrong with you for dying. But you'd never know it from the way we talk about death." - BJ Miller
3. 3 lessons:
3.1. After learning of your own terminal illness, it’s best to take things slow.
3.1.1. After learning of a terminal illness, it’s best to take some time to relax somewhere that you feel the safest and comfortable.
3.1.2. Once you feel that you’ve come to terms enough to do so, call your family and friends.
3.1.2.1. They will be the most supportive and help you get through this. It’s much better to do it with their help than trying to deal with it alone.
3.1.2.2. Make sure to focus on them and not outside sources like the Internet.
3.1.2.3. Googling your condition isn’t a great idea at this point.
3.1.3. Additionally, don’t try quitting smoking, drinking, binging on chocolate, or whatever coping mechanism you’ve got.
3.1.3.1. Find relief in whatever makes it easier to deal with it.
3.1.4. Avoid dramatic decisions, and don’t commit to any treatment until you can think more clearly.
3.2. Take care of your secrets and stuff before dying, and make sure you’ll leave something meaningful to those you love most.
3.2.1. When you die, you’ll take nothing with you. So clean up after yourself to not leave so much for your family to take care of after you’re gone.
3.2.1.1. Give your relatives the gift of being able to focus solely on you after you go, instead of having to clean out your attic.
3.2.2. It also helps your loved ones to leave behind meaningful items, like a letter for them to read in the future.
3.2.3. Also, throw away the junk. Only leave what you want to pass down.
3.2.4. You’ll also want to make sure and reveal any big secrets and clean up any regrets or hard feelings.
3.2.4.1. It’s painful for children to learn about an affair and half-sibling only after your death. And even though the pain you’ve caused others may not affect you after you’re gone, it sticks with those who you leave.
3.2.4.2. That’s why it’s vital to say things like “I’m sorry” and “I love you.”
3.3. Give yourself a break and let grief come and go like a wave when someone close to you dies.
3.3.1. You can and must take time to grieve. It’s okay to cry, get angry, or do whatever your feelings dictate.
3.3.2. Think of it like letting a wave washing over you.
3.3.3. Do what works best for you, and don’t be afraid of emotion.
3.3.4. Immediately after your loss, there will be some official tasks to complete in preparation for the funeral. Other than this, don’t pressure yourself.
3.3.4.1. Do whatever makes you feel at peace. Whether it’s binge-watching your favorite shows on Netflix or eating ice cream, do it.
3.3.4.2. Don’t demand too much of yourself.