1. 1-Sentence-Summary:
1.1. 30 Lessons For Loving gives the relationship advice of hundreds of couples who have stayed together into old age and will teach you how to have happiness and longevity in your love life.
2. Favorite quote from the author:
2.1. "Don't love each other for wealth or money. You have to love each other because you love them. You feel that in your heart. You don't care if they get old or if they get sick or if they get wrinkles." - Karl Pillemer
3. 3 lessons:
3.1. Your heart and mind will tell you when you’ve found a companion who you can make a life with.
3.1.1. The couples in Pillemer’s study said that you must have to marry someone.
3.1.1.1. It’s that “in-love” feeling that we’ve all felt before, but how can you know whether this one really is your one?
3.1.1.2. According to one 65-year-old, it also requires having a vision that the relationship could never end.
3.1.2. Also, pay close attention when things might not feel completely right.
3.1.2.1. This was the case for one woman who was married for 20 years before divorcing and remarrying.
3.1.2.2. The problem with her first marriage, she said, was that something just didn’t feel right before the wedding.
3.1.3. If you’ve got nagging thoughts that something is wrong, confront them head-on.
3.1.3.1. A good way to do this is to ask questions to find out what your potential partner values.
3.1.3.2. Having the same core beliefs is vital to a successful relationship. It’s good to ask about a wide range of things, from finances to parenting.
3.2. Timing your conversations right and remembering that your partner isn’t a mind reader will help you communicate better.
3.2.1. Couples fight. Here are 2 ways to decrease it:
3.2.1.1. If you are disagreeing about something, then it means you’re not hiding your feelings but instead being honest about them, which is a good thing.
3.2.1.2. You can communicate effectively regarding your differences in a way that doesn’t lead to arguments if you only talk when your stomach is full and you are well-rested.
3.2.2. Your willpower decreases throughout the day, so it’s usually worst at night after the kids are in bed.
3.2.2.1. Which is usually the only time you and your spouse will get to talk to each other. It’s obvious why so many couples fight and yell!
3.2.3. Picking the right time to share your feelings with each other is vital for success.
3.2.3.1. Strong communication skills, in general, are a must if you want your relationship to last.
3.2.4. Don't make assumptions.
3.2.4.1. We think that healthy couples “just know” what each other are thinking, but this is a huge myth.
3.2.5. When you feel your significant other is thinking a certain way, don’t guess, ask!
3.2.5.1. And make sure to pay attention and really try to understand them if you want to make your relationship last.
3.3. If you want to stay together happily for many years, you need to continue doing small acts to show your love.
3.3.1. Remember that actions speak louder than words. This is especially true in relationships.
3.3.1.1. That doesn’t mean you need to go all out and prepare a fancy candlelight dinner each night. The little things that are better because you can do them more consistently.
3.3.2. One man likes to surprise his wife by getting her things that she’s previously expressed interest in.
3.3.2.1. Having a shared Amazon wishlist can be really helpful for this by the way!
3.3.3. You don’t need to buy things though. Simple, frequent compliments go a long way in keeping the love strong.
3.3.4. Remember that sex, which doesn’t always have to be intercourse, is like the glue that keeps you and your partner close.
3.3.5. Another thing the couples in the study mentioned is the power of your friendship with each other.