CORRECT THIS No habit of trading success. In fact PERCEPTUALLY, no habit of any real lasting succ...

1. Nisagadatta, Lester, say 'bring it all up!'

1.1. When I speak German I feel like an idiot

1.2. When I do massage I feel like a fool

1.3. When I think of art works I think 'I can't bloody well be bothered'. I don't enjoy it and it brings me no pleasure. I just like the idea of it

1.4. When I think of trading I think 'yeah right! Loser!'

1.5. When I think of all the drawing projects I would like to do I think 'I'll never get round to that and then I'll hate myself'

1.6. One of my most common thoughts is 'you f***ing idiot!'

2. My trading has been based on lies that told myself 'feelings only lie ' just like Hale says.

2.1. That if I can succeed at trading, it will undo all my past mistakes, and will compensate me for not being an artist

2.2. That I am better and cleverer than most people

2.3. No one can be trusted and I am better off alone

2.4. That I 'get it' and have a special understanding

2.5. That trading will save my arse and get everything I have lost back

2.6. That I can beat Mark and Graham.

2.7. That one day I will make a trading plan and do it properly but I never do

2.8. I don't like money and I don't want to succeed.

3. Byron Katie: when I believe my thoughts, I suffer

3.1. So what do I want? To continue to be run by all of this or to let it go?

3.2. All of these rely on a belief that I am separate and the world is against me and so to be safe I must defeat it

3.2.1. But when I look back and see the decisions and the behaviours that this has lead me to, the misery that it has caused me and others and contract that with how good I feel when i work with meditation and oneness, how can it be true?

4. All of these rely on a belief that I am separate and the world is against me and so to be safe I must defeat it

5. Use releasing to get myself out of the way, to accept and love the past and to provide a strong 'go to' motivation

6. Create neural networks and the habits for trading success

6.1. By trading profitably

6.1.1. Do this by making copying Mark's trades my only trading rule at the moment

6.1.2. The goal is to copy his trades and measure only that as my trading results. This will build in some neural networks over the next fewcmonths

6.2. By visualisation

6.2.1. I hate visualizing. I cannot visualise trading success.

6.3. By using somatic techniques to process the fear of losses and fear of profits - across shoulders, back, in jaw.

6.4. Unlock collapsed central line of body through TYM, breath and HB.

6.5. By using CC site

6.5.1. But I hate that site and I hate the sports references and all the masculinity and how I must change and stupid ideas about how I must become 'my best self'. What's my response to this? 'I should do this', but mostly I think 'f*** off' and 'I will never succeed'. So using this site, reading or listening to trading books brings some benefits from the knowledge I gain, but mostly I just think 'f*** off' and then I feel depressed,. demotivated and terrified.