1. how do I feel
1.1. stupid
1.1.1. for not being honest with my emotions and desires
1.1.2. for delaying myself to fully express myself or engage in a conversation with her
1.2. sad
1.3. hopeless
1.4. i love her so much, I love her and so many things related to her. I didn't fell in love only with her. I fell in love with the cat cafe, I fell in love with her dogs, I fell in love with the dream of having 5 kids, I fell in love with her family, I fell in love with our business ideas, I fell in love with our life together, our walks, our breakfasts, our sex, our movie nights, game nights, our adventures.
1.5. I feel alone
1.6. I feel like I had a perfect life ahead of me, I'm with my soulmate, a family plan, business plans, I was happy, and suddenly it was stolen from my hands, and a piece of my heart went with it
1.7. I thought I was stronger. I thought that because I suffered quite a lot before, with the lost of my father, with the first relationship breaking ups, the addiction struggle and therapy, etc. I thought I would be though and wise and patient enough for this kind of situation.
1.8. I regret. I regret following her advices of peaceful ending. I regret promising to keep in touch. I regret promising not mentioning her on my prayers. I regret not fighting for her in every way possible, maybe talking to her siblings, talking to her friends, talking to her parents. I regret not taking action before she got the other proposal.
2. How I wanna be
2.1. Mindset
2.1.1. Confident
2.1.2. Great talker with strangers or anyone
2.2. Talents
2.2.1. Piano Player
2.2.2. Better Skateboarder
2.2.3. Creative Filmmaker
3. My life has been fine
4. What was the meaning of it?
4.1. was it just to learn some kind of lesson?
4.1.1. which lesson?
4.1.1.1. to expect and dream less?
4.1.1.2. to keep it a secret? before jealous friends and controlling relatives get to know.
4.1.1.3. to act faster and more decisive, less overthinking
4.2. karma?
5. what to do
5.1. if I talk to her
5.1.1. positive way
5.1.1.1. random stuff
5.1.1.2. Can a son marry against his parents wishes? - Assim al hakeem
5.1.1.3. How to Get Your Ex Back if She is Dating Someone Else - 9 Tips
5.1.2. explain logically what has been my process
5.1.2.1. Leaving the comfort zone
5.1.2.1.1. praying for clarification
5.1.3. decisive way
5.1.3.1. invite to meet, talk, clear up stuff
5.1.3.2. Mindset
5.1.3.2.1. I'm confident in myself
5.1.3.2.2. I'm full of self-esteem
5.1.3.2.3. I've been running and swimming at kite beach and al safa park
5.1.3.2.4. I've been working for different agencies at the same time, at the best moment of my career
5.1.3.3. promises
5.1.3.3.1. I kept them, but it didn't help me at all
5.1.4. I understand is a decision, we are all free for making choices and responsible for thart
5.1.5. I need a closure
5.1.5.1. Can I call you, it's important. (be confident, truly, and try getting a laugh with a joke or two) I gotta be honest. I haven't really moved one, I'm not functioning well, it's affecting my work, I lied about going on dates etc. I don't wan't you to feel sorry or pity, I know that this is not attractive but I ask you to this for me, to meet for 10mins as friends, so I can feel better about the breakup, just one last time. I respect that you are in a relationship, you don't have to worry about that as I respected the promises you asked me to make. And I give you my word that after this meet up, if want to cut off, we don't need to speak ever again and that's fine, I'll never contact you again.
5.1.5.1.1. I'm not well. I gotta be honest. I didn't really moved on.... I'm sorry you have to read this. I tried, and sometimes I can fake it, I tried avoiding showing this and joke around, saying I had dates and all, but no. The truth is, it's killing me, I am not functioning well, I has been bad with up and downs all this time but now it's worse. I hate had to say that, I know know my value and I don't wanna sound weak, I'm not looking for pity. Specially by text, or even phone, you know I'm not a very good communicator, and with texts there is so much misunderstandings, even by phone is not great, but it's affecting everything my life badly. I'm sorry i'm telling you this. I'm not expecting anything in return for this and I don't expect you to say anything, It's not your fault and I respect that you are in a relationship. It's your life, your choice. I understand and accept that. I just suggest we meet to close this positively. understand that I'm not here to beg you back or to say we should be in each others life whatsoever. I think I just need to meet to express myself and close this off, like 10mins, anywhere, no begging and pleading, no neediness, no hard feelings, I accept the break up, but I need a closure, say goodbye. And after that if you don't wanna speak with me ever again or have me on social media, that's fine, you'll have my word. But at least can you do this for me so I can move on and we can feel good about the breakup being handled in a mature way?
5.2. If I hold quiet
5.2.1. unfriend/follow without explanation
5.2.2. stay cold
5.3. MEET UP
5.3.1. what to keep in mind
5.3.1.1. there is stuff in me that she is attracted with
5.3.1.2. there is natural sexual attraction between us
5.3.1.2.1. she will be thinking of that when in front of me
5.3.1.3. I'm not seeking pity
5.3.2. subjects
5.3.2.1. Things I learned
5.3.2.1.1. New Topic
5.3.2.2. Promises
5.3.2.3. What I regret
5.3.2.4. final words
5.3.2.4.1. I'm sorry
5.3.2.4.2. forgive me
5.3.2.4.3. I'm grateful
5.3.2.4.4. I love you