Negotiation : Mindset - Fundamentals - Tools

Summary of the Book Never SPlit the Difference, FBI Bahavioral Staircase and Rethoric

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Negotiation : Mindset - Fundamentals - Tools by Mind Map: Negotiation : Mindset - Fundamentals - Tools

1. First: Your own Mindset

1.1. Blank mind State

1.1.1. Do not attach to one story

1.1.1.1. there are encouraging pieces of information

1.1.1.2. there are concerning pieces of information.

1.1.2. There are many stories and one fact

1.1.3. there are comparisons that optimists like to make

1.1.4. there are comparisons that pessimists like to make

1.2. No assumptions

1.2.1. Possibility is different to certainty

1.3. Positive

1.3.1. Only positive leads good results

1.3.2. Negative is survival state amygdala working do not let us focus and work using prefrontal cortex

1.3.3. Most of time people are in negative state

1.4. Genuine Curiosity

1.4.1. Helps us focus and control emotions

1.5. Change our way of receiving information from:/To:

1.5.1. From : Judgmmental, Opinionated, Give Advice

1.5.1.1. There are worse and better looks to every situation

1.5.2. To: Empathetic, Listener, Curious

1.6. We only control our own behavior and activity

1.6.1. Cannot control the result

1.6.2. future events give you more information, good or bad, as you slowly walk forward in time

1.6.2.1. history is a guide with a rich set of comparisons

1.6.2.2. history is where the data are

1.7. Understand your goal

1.7.1. You can have a goal on each interaction

1.7.2. If you focus on goal you can control emotional bagagge

2. Second: Fundamentals

2.1. Behavioral Change Stairway

2.1.1. 1 Active Listening

2.1.1.1. Keep listening throughout the dialogue , they talk more than you

2.1.2. 2 Empathy

2.1.2.1. Understand the situation from their perspective, understand needs, emotions, desires , do not judge, do not qualify, just understand after understanding verbalize them ,mention them.

2.1.3. 3 Rapport

2.1.3.1. Getting to know them , letting them to engage with you , let them feel understood make a relation

2.1.3.1.1. Rapport is when other side feel back empathy to you

2.1.4. 4 Influence

2.1.4.1. Most dangerous time before behavior change, do not relax, your counterpart can doubt at any time

2.1.4.2. Remember : Ethos , Pathos, Logos from Aristotle

2.1.5. Picture

2.2. Aristotle's Rethoric

2.2.1. Ethos

2.2.1.1. Credibility

2.2.1.2. Reputation

2.2.2. Pathos

2.2.2.1. Create Emotion

2.2.2.1.1. Calmness

2.2.2.1.2. Happiness

2.2.2.1.3. Confidence

2.2.2.2. Solve Emotion

2.2.2.2.1. Anger

2.2.2.2.2. Worry

2.2.2.2.3. Indignation

2.2.3. Logos

2.2.3.1. Logic

2.2.3.2. Reason

2.2.4. Kairos

2.2.4.1. Correct time

2.3. Beyond Reason using emotions as we negotiate

2.3.1. Most times negotiation depend on the emotions and not the logic

2.3.1.1. 5 core concerns that drive emotions

2.3.1.1.1. Address the concern not the emotion

3. Third: Tools and Techniques

3.1. The Black Swan Method Chris Voss- Never Split the Difference

3.1.1. Tools, Techniques

3.1.1.1. Mirrors

3.1.1.1.1. Repeat 2, 3 words

3.1.1.1.2. When the other party said someting surprising

3.1.1.1.3. To develop the topic

3.1.1.1.4. To trigger more information

3.1.1.2. Labels

3.1.1.2.1. Label emotion

3.1.1.2.2. Label concern

3.1.1.2.3. Label dynamic

3.1.1.2.4. Label challenge

3.1.1.2.5. Label their pain

3.1.1.2.6. Label their fear

3.1.1.2.7. To guide conversation

3.1.1.2.8. To test hypothesis

3.1.1.2.9. To gain respect

3.1.1.2.10. To show understanding

3.1.1.2.11. To gain trust

3.1.1.2.12. To accelerate rapport

3.1.1.2.13. To uncover confidential information

3.1.1.2.14. To ask questions

3.1.1.2.15. Example

3.1.1.3. Dinamic Silence

3.1.1.3.1. After a label or mirror

3.1.1.3.2. If not silence after a mirror o label

3.1.1.3.3. Wait 3 to 10 seconds after you used a label or mirror

3.1.1.3.4. Silence can be akward

3.1.1.4. Calibrated Questions

3.1.1.4.1. Used to make your counterpart think

3.1.1.4.2. How can I do that?

3.1.1.4.3. What is your main challenge?

3.1.1.4.4. What is important?

3.1.1.4.5. What happens if things go wrong?

3.1.1.5. Accusations audit

3.1.1.5.1. Mention all

3.1.1.5.2. You can not plant a negative idea

3.1.1.6. No Oriented Questions

3.1.1.6.1. Are you against ?

3.1.1.6.2. Is it a bad time ?

3.1.1.6.3. No let people feel relaxed, Yes makes them defensive

3.1.1.7. Summary

3.1.1.7.1. Make summary to show understanding

3.1.1.7.2. Mention summary

3.1.1.8. I messages

3.1.1.8.1. When you ...I feel... because

3.1.1.8.2. To stop incorrect behavior

3.1.1.8.3. deferential tone of voice

3.1.1.9. Paraphrasing

3.1.1.9.1. What the counterpart said in your own words

3.1.1.10. Encouragers

3.1.1.10.1. mm, a ha ....

3.1.1.10.2. To avoid the question

3.1.2. Important

3.1.2.1. Talk less, listen more

3.1.2.1.1. Let counterpart

3.1.2.1.2. First them

3.1.2.2. Navigate in their world

3.1.2.2.1. Make them see their problems

3.1.2.2.2. You dont persuade with logic

3.1.2.2.3. Build rapport first

3.1.2.3. Tone of voice is important

3.1.2.3.1. Deference

3.1.2.3.2. When someone is angry

3.1.2.3.3. Speaking in slow cadence

3.1.2.4. Genuine curiosity

3.1.2.4.1. If you focus in curiosity

3.1.2.5. Empathy is key

3.1.2.5.1. You only need to understand

3.1.2.5.2. You need to resist human nature :

3.1.2.6. To gain trust

3.1.2.6.1. Mention their fears/worries

3.1.2.6.2. Make them felt listened

3.1.2.6.3. Be fearless in communication

3.1.2.7. Be careful asking with "why"

3.1.2.7.1. Better use what

3.1.2.7.2. Why makes people defensive

3.1.2.8. Sometimes a question from counterpart deveals doubts

3.1.2.8.1. What makes you ask that ?

3.1.2.9. It is better to trigger information

3.1.2.9.1. Than asking information

3.1.2.10. To deveal information

3.1.2.10.1. You can make a false statement

3.1.2.11. You can be angry

3.1.2.11.1. Only on purpose

3.1.2.11.2. to make reaction

3.1.2.11.3. deferential manner

3.1.2.12. Say no without saying no

3.1.2.12.1. How can I do that?

3.1.2.12.2. Your offer is generous however it does not work for me

3.1.2.13. Ask questions one by one

3.1.2.13.1. Never two or more at a time

3.1.2.14. Loss aversion

3.1.2.14.1. Humans dont like to lose

3.1.2.14.2. Link loss to anything

3.1.2.15. All can be talked if it is done in a deferential way

3.1.2.15.1. Do not ignore

3.1.2.16. If you are explaining you are losing

3.1.2.16.1. If you explain the problem

3.1.2.16.2. If you explain a mistake

3.1.2.16.3. If you explain a solution

3.1.2.16.4. When they ask why

3.1.2.17. Positive mindset is important

3.1.2.17.1. Need to be genuine

3.1.2.18. Do not assume

3.1.2.18.1. Anything

3.1.2.19. Decision Fatigue

3.1.2.19.1. When human make many decisions

3.1.2.19.2. Latter decisions

3.1.2.19.3. Important decisions

3.1.2.19.4. Pay attention

3.1.2.20. Rapport

3.1.2.20.1. Is when the other side feel back empathy

3.1.2.20.2. We influence once rapport is established

3.1.2.21. Common mistakes in negotiation

3.1.2.21.1. Preparing the wrong way or not preparing

3.1.2.21.2. Relying in common ground

3.1.2.21.3. Closing too quickly

3.1.3. Chapters Summary , Videos, Resources

3.1.3.1. Link

3.1.4. Masterclass

3.1.4.1. The art of Negotiation

3.1.4.2. Sessions

3.2. Start with No , Jim Camp

3.2.1. 5 Steps

3.2.1.1. 1 Have a mission and purpose on your adversary's world

3.2.1.2. 2 Make sure you know your adversary's real pain

3.2.1.3. 3 Assess all the budgets involved: Time 1x energy, 2x ,money 3x, emotional 3x investment , try to understand how they influence decisions

3.2.1.4. 4 Deal with the real decision makers

3.2.1.5. 5 Do not make a call, send email or meet without an agenda

3.2.2. 33 Rules

3.2.2.1. All parties have the right to say no

3.2.2.2. Your job is not to be liked but to be respected and effective

3.2.2.3. Results are not valid goals

3.2.2.4. Money and power are not valid mission and purpose

3.2.2.5. Never spill your beans in the lobby

3.2.2.6. Never enter a negotiation , phone call without a valid agenda

3.2.2.7. The only valid Goals You can control are behavior and activity

3.2.2.8. Mission and Purpose must be set in adversary's world, our world is secondary

3.2.2.9. spend maximum time in payside activity

3.2.2.10. You do not need it you only want it

3.2.2.11. You cannot save the adversary

3.2.2.12. Only one person can feel okay, that is the adversary: Use colombo effect

3.2.2.13. All actions and decisions begin with vision, if there is no vision there is no action

3.2.2.14. Always show respect to the blocker

3.2.2.15. All agreements shall be clarified point by point and sealed 3 times using 3+

3.2.2.16. The clearer the picture of pain , the easier the decision process

3.2.2.17. The value of the negotiation increases by multiples as time, energy, money and emotion are spent

3.2.2.18. No talking

3.2.2.19. Let the adversary save face at all times

3.2.2.20. The greatest presentation is the one your adversary will never see, if you show things we are in question mode, they need to see by themselves

3.2.2.21. A negotiation is only over when we want it to be over

3.2.2.22. No is good, yes is bad, maybe is worse

3.2.2.23. Absolutely no closing

3.2.2.24. Dance with the tiger

3.2.2.25. Our greatest strength is our greatest weakness

3.2.2.26. Paint the pain

3.2.2.27. Mission and purpose drive everything and help us keep bold and guide decisions

3.2.2.28. Decisions are 100 percent emotional

3.2.2.29. Interrogative led questions drive vision

3.2.2.30. Nurture

3.2.2.31. No assumptions, no expectations , only blank state

3.2.2.32. Who are the decision makers? Do you know all of them?

3.2.2.33. Pay forward

3.2.3. My Key cues

3.2.3.1. Colombo effect

3.2.3.2. Never assume anything

3.2.3.3. No expectations

3.2.3.3.1. You only control your behavion and actions

3.2.3.4. Paint the pain

3.2.3.5. Always have a mission and purpose to guide your decisions and stay bold

3.2.3.5.1. This will make you to be clear on your decisions

3.2.3.6. Never show neediness

3.2.3.7. How to ask questions?

3.2.3.7.1. Is this the biggest issue? vs what is your biggest issue?

3.2.3.7.2. Do you like what you see? vs What are your thoughts?

3.2.3.7.3. Is there anything else you need? vs what else do you need?

3.2.3.7.4. Is this proposal good enough? vs how can I improve this proposal?

3.2.3.7.5. Always try to make an open ended question

3.2.3.7.6. Never help answer the other party

3.2.3.8. Always nurture

3.2.3.8.1. Always positive

3.2.3.8.2. Good tone of voice

3.2.3.8.3. slow cadencew

3.2.3.8.4. good body language

3.2.3.9. Reverse when one topic is not finished

3.2.3.9.1. That is a good question. but before we go there .....

3.2.3.10. Confirm importants 3 or more times in different ways

3.2.3.11. You dont show them things you guide them see by themselves through questions

3.2.3.11.1. If you tell them they will ask questions

3.2.3.11.2. Create a vision

3.2.3.12. Emotional states, keep yourself and adversary in neutral state

3.2.3.12.1. If your adversary takes a decision in positive state he will later return to mid point and may change of decision

3.2.3.12.2. If your adversary is in negative state