1. Relationships
1.1. inside -> out
1.1.1. stay centered
1.1.1.1. You can’t give a damn about others if you don’t give a damn about yourself.
1.1.1.2. don't get overwhelmed by circumstances
1.1.1.3. work-life integration
1.1.1.4. do whatever works
1.1.1.4.1. to stay centered
1.1.1.5. put the things you need for yourself in the calendar
1.1.1.6. show up for yourself
1.1.2. free at work
1.1.2.1. relinquish control
1.1.2.2. authority derives from merit
1.1.2.3. lay down unilateral control
1.1.3. master the art of socializing at work
1.1.3.1. use some of the day to socialise
1.1.3.2. even non-mandatory events can feel mandatory
1.1.3.3. careful with alcohol
1.1.4. respect boundaries
1.1.4.1. negotiate boundaries
1.1.4.1.1. with each person you work
1.1.4.2. build trust
1.1.4.2.1. try to bound
1.1.4.2.2. ask personal questions
1.1.4.3. share personal values
1.1.4.3.1. live your values
1.1.4.4. demonstrate openness
1.1.4.4.1. respect other's values
1.1.4.4.2. be open to people
1.1.4.4.3. learn to work together
1.1.4.5. physical contact
1.1.4.5.1. only if they are comfortable with it
1.1.4.5.2. think if you would consider it appropriate
1.1.4.6. recognize your emotions
1.1.4.6.1. own up to how you feel
1.1.4.6.2. don't make others feel your mood is their fault
1.1.4.6.3. if you have a really bad day
1.1.4.7. master your reactions
1.1.4.7.1. do not try to - other people's emotions
1.1.4.7.2. acknowledge their emotions
1.1.4.7.3. react compassionately
1.2. outside -> in
1.2.1. guidance
1.2.1.1. solicit impromptu guidance
1.2.1.1.1. once you assume the boss role
1.2.1.1.2. criticise yourself in public
1.2.1.1.3. have a go-to question
1.2.1.1.4. embrace the discomfort
1.2.1.1.5. listen to understand, not to respond
1.2.1.1.6. reward criticism
1.2.1.1.7. gauge the guidance
1.2.1.2. make it natural to be criticised
1.2.1.2.1. build a culture
1.2.1.3. management "fix-it" weeks
1.2.1.3.1. everyone can submit management bugs
1.2.1.3.2. regularly managers solve the most annoying
1.2.1.4. give impromptu guidance
1.2.1.4.1. set an example
1.2.1.4.2. be humble
1.2.1.4.3. be helpful
1.2.1.4.4. give feedback immediately
1.2.1.4.5. in person
1.2.1.4.6. praise in public, criticize in private
1.2.1.4.7. don't personalize
1.2.1.5. gender and guidance
1.2.1.5.1. radical candor may be harder for women
1.2.1.5.2. men are trained to be gentler with women
1.2.1.5.3. gender bias
1.2.1.5.4. Abrasive Trap
1.2.1.5.5. when you feel a woman is "too aggressive"
1.2.1.6. formal performance reviews
1.2.1.6.1. no surprises
1.2.1.6.2. don't rely on your unilateral judgement
1.2.1.6.3. solicit feedback on yourself first
1.2.1.6.4. write it down
1.2.1.6.5. make a conscious decision
1.2.1.6.6. schedule at least 50 mins
1.2.1.6.7. don't schedule back-to-back
1.2.1.6.8. spend
1.2.1.6.9. schedule regular check-ins
1.2.1.6.10. deliver compensation news after
1.2.1.7. prevent backstabbing
1.2.1.7.1. don't allow "talking behind someone's back"
1.2.1.7.2. insist to solve it between them
1.2.1.7.3. if needed, mediate
1.2.1.8. peer guidance
1.2.1.8.1. encourage
1.2.1.9. skip level meetings
1.2.1.9.1. meet the people
1.2.1.9.2. goals
1.2.1.9.3. get approval first
1.2.1.9.4. meeting is not for attribution
1.2.1.9.5. take notes and show them live
1.2.1.9.6. kick-start the conversation
1.2.1.9.7. prioritise issues
1.2.1.9.8. share notes after meeting
1.2.1.9.9. ensure your directs
1.2.2. team
1.2.2.1. career conversations
1.2.2.1.1. Understand people’s motivations and ambitions to help them take a step in the direction of their dreams
1.2.2.1.2. know your direct reports better
1.2.2.1.3. learn their aspirations
1.2.2.1.4. help them achieve their dreams
1.2.2.1.5. 3 conversations
1.2.2.2. growth management
1.2.2.2.1. make a growth-management plan
1.2.2.2.2. how personal aspirations and needs
1.2.2.2.3. put names in boxes
1.2.2.2.4. get a second opinion
1.2.2.2.5. write growth plans
1.2.2.2.6. ensure fairness by level
1.2.2.3. hiring
1.2.2.3.1. define team "fit"
1.2.2.3.2. define "skills" to minimize bias
1.2.2.3.3. blind skills assesments
1.2.2.3.4. same interview committee for multiple candidates
1.2.2.3.5. write down thoughts right away
1.2.2.3.6. if you're not dying to hire the person
1.2.2.4. firing
1.2.2.4.1. don't wait too long
1.2.2.4.2. don't make the decision unilaterally
1.2.2.4.3. give a damn
1.2.2.4.4. follow up
1.2.2.5. promotions
1.2.2.5.1. be fair
1.2.2.5.2. promotion committees
1.2.2.5.3. prepare a list of people to promote
1.2.2.5.4. manage the time carefully
1.2.2.5.5. be prepared for the day of discussions
1.2.2.5.6. when all done, acknowledge how hard the conversations were
1.2.2.6. reward your rock stars
1.2.2.6.1. avoid promotion/status obsession
1.2.2.6.2. praise publicly the things you want more of
1.2.2.6.3. say "thank-you"
1.2.2.6.4. acknowledge people as gurus
1.2.2.6.5. public presentations
1.2.2.7. avoid
1.2.2.7.1. absentee management
1.2.2.7.2. micromanagement
1.2.3. results
1.2.3.1. 1:1 conversations
1.2.3.1.1. employees set the agenda
1.2.3.1.2. you listen
1.2.3.1.3. don't think of them as meetings
1.2.3.1.4. frequency depends on how many reports you have
1.2.3.1.5. show up
1.2.3.1.6. the report sets the agenda
1.2.3.1.7. identify the gaps between
1.2.3.1.8. encourage new ideas
1.2.3.1.9. signs you fail as a boss
1.2.3.2. staff meetings
1.2.3.2.1. learn: review key metrics (20 mins)
1.2.3.2.2. listen: put updates in a shared document during a "study hall" (15 mins)
1.2.3.2.3. clarify: identify key decisions/debates (30 mins)
1.2.3.3. think time
1.2.3.3.1. block time to think
1.2.3.4. "big debate" meetings
1.2.3.4.1. reserved for debates
1.2.3.4.2. not for decisions
1.2.3.4.3. they lower tension
1.2.3.4.4. slow down key decisions when possible
1.2.3.4.5. foster a large culture of debate
1.2.3.5. "big decision" meetings
1.2.3.5.1. push decisions into the facts
1.2.3.5.2. pull facts into the decisions
1.2.3.5.3. keep egos at bay
1.2.3.5.4. notes should be taken and made available to everyone
1.2.3.6. all-hands meetings
1.2.3.6.1. bring everyone alongs
1.2.3.6.2. presentations
1.2.3.6.3. Q & As
1.2.3.7. execution time
1.2.3.7.1. fight meeting proliferation
1.2.3.7.2. try no meeting days
1.2.3.8. kanban boards
1.2.3.8.1. make activity and workflows visible
1.2.3.8.2. measure activities
1.2.3.9. walk around
1.2.3.9.1. learn about small problems
1.2.3.10. be conscious of culture
1.2.3.10.1. you're under the microscope
1.2.3.10.2. it's not all about you
1.2.3.10.3. clarify what you communicate
1.2.3.10.4. debate and decide explicitly
1.2.3.10.5. pay attention to the small things
1.2.3.10.6. action should reflect your culture
1.2.3.10.7. learn from failure
2. Universally human, but interpersonally and culturally relative
3. Dimensions and quadrants
3.1. Challenge directly
3.1.1. Building enough trust between people to enable reciprocal challenge irrespective of reporting relationship takes time and attention.
3.1.2. errors are corrigible
3.1.3. using discussion and experience
3.1.4. encourage others to challenge you
3.1.5. admit when you are wrong
3.1.6. commit to fix mistakes
3.1.7. care enough
3.1.7.1. to point out things
3.1.7.1.1. that go well
3.1.7.1.2. that do not go well
3.2. Care personally
3.2.1. fail because "keep it professional"
3.2.2. bring your whole self to work
3.2.3. antidote to
3.2.3.1. robotic professionalism
3.2.3.2. managerial arrogance
3.2.4. acknowledge
3.2.4.1. we are all people
3.2.4.2. with lives and aspirations
3.2.4.3. that extend beyond those of our shared work
3.2.5. real conversations
3.2.6. get to know each other at humane level
3.2.7. learn what's important to people
3.2.8. what drives everyone
3.3. Obnoxious aggression
3.3.1. criticise without showing you care
3.3.2. worst kind
3.3.2.1. know weaknesses
3.3.2.2. and target them
3.3.2.2.1. for sport
3.3.2.2.2. or assert dominance
3.3.3. backhand compliment
3.3.3.1. "Well you got it right this time."
3.3.4. belittling compliment
3.4. Manipulative insincerity
3.4.1. when you don't care enough
3.4.1.1. to challenge directly
3.4.2. too focused on being liked
3.4.3. think can gain political advantage
3.4.3.1. by being fake
3.4.4. praise and criticism
3.4.4.1. feel like flattery and backstabbing
3.4.5. the false apology
3.5. Ruinous empathy
3.5.1. avoid creating tension or discomfort at work
3.5.2. well-meaning parents
3.5.2.1. who cannot bear to discipline their kids
3.5.3. being nice is prioritised
3.5.3.1. at the expense of critiquing
3.5.4. prevents bosses to request criticism
3.6. Towards radical candor
3.6.1. start by asking for critisism
3.6.1.1. not by giving it
3.6.2. balance praise and criticism
3.6.3. make sure you have all the facts before
3.6.3.1. praising
3.6.3.2. criticising
3.6.4. be humble
3.6.5. offer guidance in person and immediately
3.6.6. praise in public
3.6.7. criticize in private
3.6.8. don't personalize
3.6.9. Worry more about praise, less about criticism— but above all be sincere
4. Growth Management (team building)
4.1. steep growth
4.1.1. characteristics
4.1.1.1. change agent
4.1.1.2. ambitious at work
4.1.1.3. want new opportunities
4.1.1.4. "superstar"
4.1.2. actions
4.1.2.1. keep them challenged
4.1.2.2. make sure they are constantly learning
4.1.2.3. figure out who will replace them
4.1.2.4. build intellectual partnership
4.1.2.5. find mentors from outside team
4.1.2.6. don't squash them
4.1.2.7. some don't want to manage
4.2. gradual growth
4.2.1. characteristics
4.2.1.1. force for stability
4.2.1.2. ambitious outside of work
4.2.1.3. simply content in life
4.2.1.4. happy in the current role
4.2.1.5. "rockstar"
4.2.1.6. gurus, go-to experts
4.2.1.7. keep the team
4.2.1.7.1. stable
4.2.1.7.2. cohesive
4.2.1.7.3. productive
4.2.2. actions
4.2.2.1. put them in charge of teaching new members
4.3. everyone has periods when growth slows down
4.3.1. keep top performers top of mind
4.3.1.1. take time to know the people who get the best results
4.4. recognition not always means promotion
4.5. when to fire?
4.5.1. did you give Radical Candor guidance?
4.5.2. how is the poor performance affecting the team?
4.5.3. did you ask for a second opinion?
4.6. avoid permanent markers
4.6.1. people change
4.7. your job is not to provide purpose but instead to get to know each of your direct reports well enough to understand how each one derives meaning from their work.
5. Manager's responsibilities
5.1. guidance
5.2. team-building
5.3. results
6. Trusting relationship
6.1. drive results collaboratively
6.2. understand what motivates
6.3. culture of guidance
6.4. leave 3 unimportant things unsaid every day
7. Drive Results Collaboratively
7.1. fine line between
7.1.1. success
7.1.2. failure
7.2. don't tell people what to do
7.3. Get Stuff Done (GSD)
7.3.1. Listen
7.3.1.1. quiet listening
7.3.1.1.1. give people room to talk
7.3.1.1.2. hear the things you don't want to hear
7.3.1.1.3. reassure people uncomfortable with quiet listening
7.3.1.2. loud listening
7.3.1.2.1. saying things to get a reaction
7.3.1.2.2. challenge people to challenge you
7.3.1.2.3. stating a point of view strongly
7.3.1.2.4. "please poke holes in this idea"
7.3.1.2.5. strong opinions, weakly held
7.3.1.2.6. avoid a tyranny of the most verbose
7.3.1.3. simple system to voice ideas and complaints
7.3.1.4. make sure some ideas are addressed
7.3.1.5. explain why some aren't
7.3.1.6. create and adapt to a culture of listening
7.3.2. Clarify
7.3.2.1. understand and convey ideas more clearly
7.3.2.2. safe space to nurture new ideas
7.3.2.2.1. brainstorm together
7.3.2.2.2. don't ask for solutions
7.3.2.3. make ideas easy to comprehend
7.3.2.3.1. deep understanding of
7.3.3. Debate
7.3.3.1. debate ideas together
7.3.3.2. enable conversations on ideas
7.3.3.3. focus on ideas, not egos
7.3.3.3.1. switch roles
7.3.3.3.2. focus on facts
7.3.3.4. obligation to dissent
7.3.3.4.1. if not robust argument
7.3.3.5. pause for
7.3.3.5.1. emotion
7.3.3.5.2. exhaustion
7.3.3.6. use humour and have fun
7.3.3.7. be clear when debate will end
7.3.3.7.1. set "decide by" date
7.3.3.8. don't decide because debate painful
7.3.3.9. identify a decider
7.3.3.9.1. when debate gets tedious
7.3.4. Decide
7.3.4.1. push decisions into facts
7.3.4.2. pull facts into decisions
7.3.4.3. keep ego out
7.3.4.4. create clear decision making process
7.3.4.4.1. empowers people closest to the facts
7.3.4.5. the decider gets facts
7.3.4.5.1. not recommendations
7.3.4.6. dive into details if needed
7.3.5. Persuade
7.3.5.1. get more people on board
7.3.5.2. emotion
7.3.5.2.1. take into account listener's emotions
7.3.5.3. logic
7.3.5.3.1. show your work
7.3.5.3.2. share how you got to your idea
7.3.5.3.3. ask for feedback
7.3.5.4. credibility
7.3.5.4.1. demonstrate
7.3.6. Execute
7.3.6.1. minimise the collaboration tax
7.3.6.2. don't waste your team's time
7.3.6.3. keep "the dirt under your fingernails"
7.3.6.3.1. don't get too far from the work
7.3.6.4. block time to execute
7.3.7. Learn
7.3.7.1. acknowledge when results could be better
7.3.7.2. learn from experience
7.3.7.3. be open
7.3.7.3.1. to change decision
7.3.7.3.2. explain why it changed
7.3.7.4. stay centered