How to Talk About Yourself Without Irritating Everyone

1. Make them forget you’re talking about yourself

1.1. Talk about what you’re into. Take yourself out of it.

1.2. Interesting people talk about things — it just happens to be things they do.

2. Learn how to take turns

2.1. A conversation is like a game. You take turns.

2.2. Taking your turn and sharing something about yourself is how people get to know you better. It tells them they matter

3. Keep your turns short

3.1. Conversations go wrong when someone takes over the table and won’t give it up.

3.2. End your turn with a signal that you’re done talking for a little while. Tack on a question . Do a little nod. Shrug. Take a sip of your drink.

4. Talking is not thinking out loud

4.1. It’s easy to forget your surroundings when you start talking about yourself.

4.2. Being the captive audience of someone who’s thinking out loud is a painful experience.

5. Understand who you’re talking to

5.1. Different people find different parts of your life interesting.

5.2. Prattling on about something that’s important only to you, that’ll put them to sleep.

5.3. Talk about something going on in your life that interests you both.

6. Try not to sound too pleased with yourself

6.1. There’s actually a ceiling on how much good news you can share with someone, before it starts to tick them off.

6.2. You get to share one piece of good news per conversation. Choose wisely.

6.3. The best way to share good news is to state it in a calm, objective tone. Or at least start off that way, and let the excitement build.

6.4. Humans are human — vulnerable to envy and despair.

6.5. Don’t get sulky if nobody shares your excitement.

7. If you have to “promote” yourself

7.1. American corporate culture doesn’t reward humility.

7.2. But it doesn’t exactly reward bragging, either.

7.3. Just describe what you contribute and why it’s important. Stay away from superlatives like “the best” and “amazing.” In fact, don’t use adjectives at all. Use nouns and verbs. Say, “This year I did X, and it’s important because Y.”

8. Do small talk the right way

8.1. Skip past the generic comments about weather and the news. That stuff doesn’t matter.

8.2. If someone asks you how you’re doing, give them a real answer.

8.3. Tell them one thing you’re excited about. Tell them one funny thing that happened yesterday. Tell them where you’re headed, or what you’re doing when you get off work.

9. Process your feelings before sharing them

9.1. A good conversationalist considers how well they know someone before disclosing all the gritty little details.

9.2. They don’t shy away from substance. They just talk about it in a mature way, when they’re ready.

10. Signal someone before going deep

10.1. If you need to get personal, give the other person a heads up — and a chance to back out.

11. Learn how to tell an anecdote

11.1. You don’t have to be born with this skill.

11.2. It just needs to make a point that someone can appreciate.

11.3. A good anecdote fits into a paragraph.

11.4. This counts as talking about yourself. The stories you tell people show little glimpses of your mind and thought-process.

12. The benefits of talking about yourself

12.1. You can get far in life by being a good listener — but not all the way.

12.2. You have to direct a little attention at yourself to get noticed. If you’re an introvert, that’s incredibly hard to pull off.

12.3. You don’t have to pretend to be a diva.

12.4. Everyone deserves a few turns in the spotlight. Don’t hide from yours.