How A Man Becomes A Gentleman

1. 1. Mind your gossip

1.1. Once you start gossiping, it’s hard to stop. And when you finally do finish, you’ll wish you hadn’t started.

1.2. The gentleman distinguishes between rumor and fact.

1.3. He never speaks ill of someone behind their back.

1.4. A decent person refuses to take part in disparaging gossip, but the gentleman objects to it.

1.5. He never spreads gossip to advance his social status

2. 2. Make others feel ridiculously comfortable

2.1. It’s not just touchy-feely or inappropriate comments that make others feel uncomfortable

2.2. Over-sensitivity, high-strung behavior, and holding others to impossible standards produce the same effect.

2.3. Never touch someone (male or female) without explicit consent.

2.4. Allow people their personal space.

2.5. Don’t be so quick to point out the faults of others.

2.6. If someone screws up, offer honest critique and encouragement instead of rebuke.

2.7. Stay above the fray. Play the role of mediator.

3. 3. Dress like you give a shit

3.1. Don’t spend ridiculous sums of money or dress-up for every occasion.

3.2. But dress like you care enough to make a good impression.

4. 4. Hold doors

4.1. Think of holding the door in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

4.2. Get in the habit of letting cars merge in front of you. Allow someone to go first if they appear rushed.

5. 5. Do more than what’s expected of you

5.1. At work, it’s essential because your superiors always expect more.

5.2. In life, it shows class because most people try to get away with doing the bare minimum.

5.3. Get in the habit of thinking this way, and you’ll find opportunities to exceed expectations every day.

5.3.1. Volunteer to help clean up after a party, even if it’s not your house.

5.3.2. If you organize a social outing, plan a little extra something your friends will remember.

5.3.3. At home, take out the trash and then offer to vacuum.

6. 6. Treat those with less power as equals

6.1. It’s the classiest thing a gentleman does, and so few do it.

6.2. No matter your current situation, treating others as equals will win you respect and likability.

6.3. Take extra care in treating your servers well, and everyone else in the service industry.

6.4. Someone who’s paid to wait on you is your equal. Don’t equate their professional role with their value as a person.

6.5. A gentleman doesn’t flaunt his status or assert his advantage to command respect; he earns by the way he treats others.

7. 7. Take and give rejection with grace

7.1. If you must reject someone, do so with as little delay as possible.

7.2. You’re not doing the other person a favor by sparing their feelings; you’re wasting their time

7.3. Deliver your news with as much dignity as the situation allows. Do it in private. Be clear and definite — no false hope.

7.4. Being on the receiving end hurts less. We get to play the role of the victim and claim moral superiority.

7.5. Avoid that urge and shows grace when facing rejection.

7.6. Offer a smile or at least a nod in matters of love.

7.7. It’s okay to say no if you’re not interested.

8. 8. Control your emotions

8.1. A gentleman avoids petty squabbles.

8.2. He involves himself in difficult situations when it’s unavoidable and warranted. But he handles himself with class.

8.3. The gentleman maintains self-control at all times.

9. 9. Don’t show off and don’t show anyone up

9.1. The gentleman never shows off and never contrasts his superior resources to someone else’s relative scarcity.

10. 10. Banish backdoor insults from your verbal toolkit

10.1. The use of sarcasm, condescension, and smugness to demean, insult, or attack shows a lack of class.

10.2. When you feel the urge to deliver one of these backdoor insults, take a deep breath.

10.3. Think of a better way to make your point, one that’s thoughtful and respectful.