1. Themes
1.1. Coming of Age
1.2. Emptiness of attaining false dream
1.3. growing up pain
1.4. identity crisis
1.5. isolation
1.6. overcoming fear and anxiety
1.7. self-awareness
1.8. wisdom of experience
1.9. codependency
1.10. accepting change
1.11. adjusting to a new life
1.12. self-esteem
2. 1. Initial Incident/Conflict
2.1. Having my first panic attack
2.1.1. drug use leading up to it
2.1.2. stress from trying to please everybody
2.1.3. health problems following up to
2.1.4. wanting to give up
2.2. Secondary Incidents Before flying home
2.2.1. Having panic attacks nonstop for days after
2.2.2. going on trip with rachel
2.2.3. Leaving the island early because of fear and anxiety
2.2.4. living in constant fear, and sister claims she doesn't recognize me
2.2.5. believing something is wrong with my brain and just getting worse from there
2.2.6. thinking deep down there is something wrong with me, and i need to do things to contain it so it doesn't get worse
2.2.7. Thinking I am getting better everyday
2.2.8. Waking up everyday and instantly feeling dread and hopelessness
2.3. Not getting on the plane and having a panic attack and keeping the plane from leaving
2.3.1. bot recognizing myself
2.3.2. realizing something is seriously wrong, but still not fully understanding what it is
3. 4. What I do/realize that helps me get better and revelations from the past?
3.1. there is nothing actually wrong with me and trying to believe it
3.2. reading books and blogs
3.2.1. nothing works weebly blog helps me
3.2.2. the subtle art of not giving a fuck helps as well
3.3. facing fears even when very uncomfrtable
3.4. being okay when having anxious days
3.5. total acceptance method
3.6. self-care
3.7. yoga teacher training
3.8. deciding i need to work on my relationship
3.9. not believing what people tell me unless i contemplate it for myself
3.10. BODY-MIND CONNECTION
3.11. finding things that i enjoy
3.12. changing my inner beliefs slowly
4. Lessons I've Learned
4.1. pain is inevitable
4.2. its okay to not be okay
4.3. being in a relationship is hard
4.4. take care of yourself first
4.5. try not to worry
4.6. stay present
4.7. make your bed
4.8. stay busy
4.9. try to wear as many "hats" as possible in your life
4.10. don't skimp on the exercise
4.11. "try" not to hold grudges
4.12. it's never too late
5. Things I am still working on
5.1. codependency
5.2. letting go of control
5.3. positivity in my relationship
5.4. deciding my passion in life
5.5. healing past traumas and what-ifs
5.6. boundaries with my family
5.7. listening to myself
6. Books that have helped me
6.1. subtle art of not giving a fuck
6.2. love warrior
6.3. bringing up bebe
6.4. four agreements
6.5. handmaids tale
7. 2. What I try to do to fix it my problem that only makes things worse?
7.1. reading and meditating
7.2. going on vacation
7.3. checking heart rate and breathing
7.4. trying to stay present
7.5. by believing that i "have" anxiety it only gets worse from there
7.6. end up flying home to try to feel better
7.7. constantly searching for the "cure"
7.8. thinking there is something wrong with me and labeling myself as anxious
7.9. constantly checking in to see how I feel (the worst)
8. 3. Hopelessness/Climax
8.1. not wanting to take drugs
8.2. trying to retrainin my brain
8.3. trying to enjoy my life, but numb to all emotions even hunger and sleep
8.4. being on vacation and trying to enjoy myself, fear of everything
8.4.1. going on two trips, to bulgaria and the crete, and trying to deal with the anxiety
8.4.1.1. having good and bad days
8.4.1.2. mostly trying to force myself not to think about it
8.4.1.3. having panic attack on the beach in crete
8.4.1.4. thinking there are many health problems such as with my eyes and heart/chest and neck
8.5. ACTUAL CLIMAX EVENT BEING THIS REALIZATION
8.5.1. scared to drink coffee
8.5.2. scared to exercise
8.5.3. scared to relax
8.5.4. scared to smoke and drink
8.5.5. scared to go to sleep
8.5.6. scared to go in a plane
8.5.7. scared to drive a car
8.5.8. scared to be alone
8.6. Realizing I need to change something in my life
8.6.1. being forced to face and make new choices
8.6.2. realizing in order to fix myself i must go back and start from the beginning
8.6.3. Realizing there is nothing I can do to fix it quickly