Six Pillars of Self Esteem - Nathaniel Branden

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Six Pillars of Self Esteem - Nathaniel Branden by Mind Map: Six Pillars of Self Esteem - Nathaniel Branden

1. 6. The practice of personal integrity

1.1. When our behavior is aligned with our

1.1.1. Values

1.1.2. ideals

1.1.3. Principles

1.1.4. Standards

1.2. Congruence

1.2.1. Our words and behavior match

1.3. The great self deception

1.3.1. Only I will know

1.3.2. Because

1.3.2.1. Our judgment of our self is the only one that matters

1.4. Exercise

1.4.1. If I bring 5% more integrity to

1.4.1.1. My values and my actions

1.4.1.2. My ideals and my actions

1.4.1.3. my relationships

1.4.1.4. my commitments

1.4.2. If I remain loyal to my most fundamental values

2. 5. The practice of living purposefully

2.1. Achievements don't prove our worth

2.1.1. But the process of achieving them allows us to develop our self efficacy

2.1.2. The power lies in

2.1.2.1. CAUSE

2.1.2.1.1. What produces wealth

2.1.2.2. NOT EFFECT

2.1.2.2.1. Not wealth itself

2.2. It means: Living and acting by INTENTION

2.3. It means

2.3.1. Identifying our goals

2.3.2. Identifying the actions needed to get there

2.3.3. Monitoring ourselves and our progress

2.3.4. Monitoring the outcomes

2.3.5. Constantly aligning and realigning to get to our goals

2.3.6. To be driven by self expression rather than trying to PROVE ourselves

2.4. Self esteem tied to accomplishments is not self esteem at all

2.4.1. Because it is dependent on external realities

2.4.2. circumstances change all the time

2.5. Exercise

2.5.1. If I am 5% more purposeful

2.5.1.1. at work

2.5.1.2. in my relationships

2.5.1.3. in my life

2.5.1.4. in fulfilling my wants

2.5.1.5. in living by my values

3. 4. The practice of self-assertiveness

3.1. It means

3.1.1. Honoring my wants, needs, and values

3.1.1.1. And seeking appropriate forms of their expression

3.1.1.2. To have values is not enough

3.1.1.2.1. We must pursue them and stand by them

3.1.2. The willingness to stand up for myself

3.1.2.1. to be who I am openly

3.1.2.2. to treat myself with respect

3.1.3. To think for oneself

3.1.3.1. To stand by what one thinks

3.1.3.2. to challenge authority

3.1.4. To confront rather than evade challenges

3.1.4.1. And to strive for mastery

3.1.5. to leap into the challenge

3.1.5.1. And get our hands dirty

3.2. To have an idea and to see it through to completion into reality

3.2.1. develop it

3.2.2. Fight for it

3.2.3. Work for it

3.2.4. Essence of Entrepreneurship

3.3. Exercise

3.3.1. If I brought 5% more awareness to

3.3.1.1. My wants and needs

3.3.1.2. My values and how I live by them

3.3.2. When I hide who I am

3.3.3. If I am willing to

3.3.3.1. Ask for what I truly want

3.3.3.2. Voice my true thoughts and opinions

3.3.3.3. Let people hear what's inside of me

3.3.3.4. Be myself rather than a version of myself that I think people would accept

4. 3. The practice of self-responsibility

4.1. I am responsible for

4.1.1. The achievement of my desires

4.1.2. My choices and actions

4.1.3. The level of consciousness I live with

4.1.4. How I prioritize my time

4.1.5. Personal happiness

4.1.6. Choosing the values I live by

4.2. It is an active orientation towards life

4.3. If there is a problem - they're not absorbed with blame or excuses

4.3.1. They are looking for solutions

4.4. Exercise

4.4.1. If I take 5% More responsibility for

4.4.1.1. The success of my relationships

4.4.1.2. the attainment of my goals

4.4.1.3. for my personal happiness

4.4.1.4. the choice of people in my life

4.4.1.5. the things I tell myself

4.4.1.6. what I make of my life

4.4.1.7. my personal finance

4.4.1.8. my entrepreneurial endeavor

4.4.1.9. making myself feel

4.4.1.9.1. Anxious

4.4.1.9.2. scared

4.4.1.9.3. depressed

4.4.1.9.4. Any negative feeling

4.4.2. If no one is coming to rescue me

4.4.3. When I avoid responsibility for

4.4.3.1. my relationships

4.4.3.2. my happiness

4.4.3.3. my challenges

4.4.3.4. my current state of affairs

4.5. We may think that

4.5.1. Somehow a miracle will happen

4.5.1.1. If I only suffer long enough

4.5.1.2. If I only yearn desperately enough

4.5.2. But this is the kind of self deception that will ruin your life

5. 2. Practice of Self Acceptance

5.1. Level 1 - To Be On my own side

5.1.1. To be on my own side

5.1.1.1. I stand up for my right to exist

5.2. Level 2 - Willingness to Experience

5.2.1. Willingness to experience (not disown) whatever maybe the facts of my being

5.2.1.1. Thoughts

5.2.1.2. Feelings

5.2.1.3. Emotions

5.2.1.4. To Experience is to

5.2.1.4.1. not JUST acknowledge it

5.2.1.4.2. Stand in presence of

5.2.1.4.3. Contemplate the reality of

5.2.1.4.4. Absorb into my consciousness

5.2.2. This is an expression of me even if I don't like it

5.2.3. When we fully experience something

5.2.3.1. we are able to let it go

5.2.3.1.1. It has direct healing power

5.2.4. Self acceptance is a pre-condition for growth

5.2.4.1. You can not learn from a mistake you don't accept making

5.2.4.2. You can not overcome a fear whose presence you deny

5.2.5. Acceptance doesn't mean

5.2.5.1. liking

5.2.5.2. enjoying

5.3. Level 3 - Self compassion

5.3.1. Self Compassion

5.3.1.1. Being a friend to myself

5.3.1.2. Treating myself with love and kindness

5.4. Experiencing and letting go of our emotions

5.4.1. 1. focussing on the feeling

5.4.2. 2. feel it in your body

5.4.2.1. breathing into it and letting our body relax

5.4.2.1.1. Allowing the feeling to be felt

5.4.2.2. Where is it

5.4.3. 3. OWNING it

5.4.3.1. Yeah - this is what I am feeling

5.4.3.2. "I am now feeling this and this and I accept it fully"

5.4.4. 4. Accept it

5.4.4.1. 4. Allow the feeling to be there

5.4.4.2. If you can't accept it - accept the resistance

5.4.5. When we fight a block - it grows stronger. When we acknowledge/experience it - it melts away

5.5. 2 fallacies

5.5.1. 1. We must approve of everything about us

5.5.2. 2. If we accept ourselves - we will stop wanting to change/improve

5.5.2.1. Denial leaves us stuck

5.5.2.2. Acceptance allows us to move forward

5.6. Exercise

5.6.1. Self Acceptance

5.6.1.1. If I am more accepting of my

5.6.1.1.1. challenges

5.6.1.1.2. actions

5.6.1.1.3. fears

5.6.1.1.4. joys

5.6.1.1.5. Feelings

5.6.1.1.6. inadequecies

5.6.1.2. When I deny and disown my

5.6.1.2.1. fears

5.6.1.2.2. joy

5.6.1.2.3. challenges

5.6.1.2.4. Positives

5.6.1.2.5. emotions

5.6.1.2.6. inadequecies

5.6.1.3. If I bring a high level of consciousness to my

5.6.1.3.1. challenges

5.6.1.3.2. fears

5.6.1.3.3. actions

5.6.1.3.4. joys

6. 1. Practice of Living Consciously

6.1. Fundamentals

6.1.1. We need to become aware

6.1.1.1. We need to become conscious of everything that is happening in life

6.1.2. We need to wake up

6.2. For Example

6.2.1. Being Able to distinguish fact, interpretations and emotions

6.2.1.1. Realizing that our feelings are not the guide to the truth

6.2.1.2. 3 components

6.2.1.2.1. What I percieve

6.2.1.2.2. What I interpret

6.2.1.2.3. What I feel

6.2.2. Becoming aware of your values and their roots

6.2.2.1. And deciding if these are the values you should live by or change them

6.2.3. Knowing - Are my actions in alignment with my  purpose

6.2.3.1. Is there a big gap between our goals and how we spend our time and energy?

6.2.3.2. That which we think is the most important may be getting the least amount of energy from us

6.2.4. Other Keys

6.2.4.1. Becoming present to painful or threatening realities rather than denying/avoiding them

6.2.4.2. Becoming aware of where you are with respect to your goals and projects

6.2.4.3. Taking feedback from environment

6.2.4.3.1. Correcting course as necessary

6.2.4.3.2. A business is a constant act of changing course as we get feedback from the market

6.2.4.4. Being receptive to new knowledge

6.2.4.4.1. Learning and growth only happens outside

6.2.4.5. Willingness to see and correct mistakes

6.2.4.5.1. Your loyalty is to truth - not to make yourself right

6.2.4.5.2. Being ok with admitting error

6.2.4.6. Always trying to expand awareness

6.2.4.7. To understand your own internal reality not just the external world

6.2.4.7.1. Feelings

6.2.4.7.2. Needs

6.2.4.7.3. Aspirations

6.2.4.7.4. Motives

6.2.4.7.5. Do I know what I am doing when I particularly like myself compared to when I dont?

6.2.4.7.6. Noticing

6.3. Sentence Completion

6.3.1. We all have more

6.3.1.1. Knowledge than we are aware of

6.3.1.2. Wisdom than we use

6.3.1.3. Potential than we typically use

6.3.2. Simple Exercise

6.3.2.1. To activate these untapped resources

6.3.3. How to

6.3.3.1. Write a minimum of six endings

6.3.3.2. each should make a full sentence

6.3.3.3. Work as rapidly as possibly

6.3.3.3.1. No pause to think

6.3.3.4. Dont worry if an ending is true/real/possible

6.3.4. Exercise:

6.3.4.1. In the beginning of the day write

6.3.4.1.1. If I bring 5% more awareness to my activities today

6.3.4.1.2. If I bring 5% more awareness to my priorities

6.3.4.1.3. If I bring 5% more awareness to my fear of

6.3.4.1.4. If I bring 5% more awareness to "whatever challenge I am having"

6.3.4.1.5. The possibilities are endless : insecurities, relationship, depression, anxiety, values, goals etc

6.3.4.2. At the end of the day

6.3.4.2.1. When I reflect what happens when I bring 5% more awareness to my activities

6.3.4.2.2. When I reflect what happens when I bring 5% more awareness to my priorities

6.3.4.2.3. When I reflect what happens when I bring 5% more awareness to my fear of

6.3.4.2.4. When I reflect what happens when I bring 5% more awareness to "whatever problem  I am having"

6.3.4.3. Do it every day Monday - Friday

6.3.4.3.1. Dont read prior days answers

6.3.4.4. On the weekend, read your completions and then write 6 endings for

6.3.4.4.1. If any of what I wrote is true, it would be helpful if I ....

7. Action is the cornerstone of building Self Esteem

7.1. What determines the level of self esteem is what the individual does

7.2. A Practice implies

7.2.1. Discipline of acting in a certain way, over and over again. Consistently

7.2.2. It is not action by fits and starts or just responding in a crisis

7.2.3. Your way of behaving becomes your way of being

7.3. Think in terms of small steps because small steps are attainable and allow for progress. Big steps intimidate

8. Basic Principles

8.1. Self Esteem = Reputation we have with ourselves

8.1.1. "Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves" - N Branden

8.2. 2 components of self esteem

8.2.1. Self Efficacy

8.2.1.1. Trust in self

8.2.1.2. That I can handle life

8.2.1.3. That I can make it happen

8.2.1.4. I will persist in face of challenges and not give up

8.2.1.5. I can go after BIG challenges and goals and dreams

8.2.2. Self Respect

8.2.2.1. I am worthy of

8.2.2.1.1. Happiness

8.2.2.1.2. Love

8.2.2.1.3. Fruits of my effort

8.2.2.2. I am valuable

8.2.2.3. I have a right to be

8.2.2.3.1. Successful

8.2.2.4. I am deserving

8.2.2.4.1. Of my dreams/goals

8.3. Its INSIDE you

8.3.1. You dont get it from outside things like

8.3.1.1. Material posessions

8.3.1.2. Marriage

8.3.1.3. Philanthropy

8.3.2. It is what I think and feel about myself, not what someone else thinks or feels about me.

8.3.3. You dont get it from others.

8.3.3.1. Nobody can ever give it to us

8.4. Dont look outside for approval

8.4.1. It is dangerous

8.4.1.1. It is never over

8.4.2. Tragedy of most people's lives is that we look for that approval from every direction outside

8.4.3. "If my aim is to prove I am “enough,” the project goes on to infinity—because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable."

8.5. Ability to stand for your ideas

8.5.1. Ability to follow your vision

8.5.2. Genius is about having that courage and that nerve to stand for your ideas

9. 7th Pillar

9.1. Loving our own life enough that we will have the willingness, courage and perseverance to live by these 6 pillars