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D.E.C.I.D.E. by Mind Map: D.E.C.I.D.E.

1. 1) Defining the Problem

1.1. A group of my best friends and I had a fallout last year. They bullied me and really hurt me. This year, after I thought that it was all over, they keep coming up to me and acting like nothing ever happened, and saying things that make me uncomfortable.

2. 2) Exploring Alternatives

2.1. a. I ask the counsellor, who is aware of the situation, to talk to them in my place

2.2. b. I leave it, and continue to let them bother me.

2.3. c. The next time they come up to me, I tell them firmly that I was badly hurt by them and I don't want to become friends again.

3. 3) Consider the Consequences

3.1. Alternative A

3.1.1. Potential consequence #1: I don't have to confront them directly but my message gets to them.

3.1.2. Potential consequence #2: By bringing the counsellor into it, I make it a big issue all over again- They get angry that I brought it to authority and bother me more.

3.2. Alternative B

3.2.1. Consequence: It gradually becomes a bigger issue and they don't leave me alone. It continues to mess with my emotional and social health and brings negativity.

3.3. Alternative C

3.3.1. Potential consequence #1: They hear my message and leave me alone. They don't bother me again.

3.3.2. Potential consequence #2: They do not listen, and instead it makes them angry. At this point I need to visit the counselor.

4. 5) Decide and Act

4.1. Because option C stays true to my values and has a high reward if it works out, I feel that choosing to confront them myself and telling them respectfully I don't wish to speak to them anymore is the best option.

5. 6) Evaluate

5.1. I haven't actually done it yet, so I can't know what will happen - but I do know that if it works out (which I think it will), I will get rid of this stress and unhappiness I've been carrying around with me, therefore leaving me more emotionally healthy. I will also be more socially happy because I can spend time with my other good friends and not be hesitant about friendships.

6. 4) Identity Your Values

6.1. I value honesty.

6.1.1. If I am honest with the people that hurt me, I am telling them how I feel and how they are negatively impacting my life. I respect my own value of honesty if I tell them the truth.

6.2. I value courage.

6.2.1. By standing up for myself and being my own advocate, I am staying true to my value of courage by not shying away from confronting the people that hurt me. If I tell the counsellor to do it for me, that option isn't wrong, but I would feel like I am chickening out and not being courageous.